Sunday Scribblings #120

Aaron’s word of inspiration this week is thoughtful.

After the work drama that I had just over a week ago, I really need to be more thoughtful.

I need to be more thoughtful in who I trust and who I talk to at work. I need to be more thoughtful in what I talk about at work.

Basically I am starting the school year tomorrow and I am more stressed about the work dynamic with the adults than the actual teaching part. Which is nice – because last year I was terrified to start at this new school. And I love my job so much. I was at work 3 times last week setting up my classroom and getting ready. Just being there and interacting with the principal and the other staff members was really nice. Aside from almost starting to cry in front of husband when he asked very sweetly how I was, and then asked what happened and if I wanted to talk, and just that change in his tone of voice and his concern made me tear up and my voice cracked. But aside from that tiny moment early Monday morning, I am feeling much better.

I was there on Friday for 2 hours, and the guy who has been the issue all summer was there along with the girl who seemed to be his sidekick. I was trying to avoid interacting with them, but the principal wanted to show me the new library she created which is in his classroom. So I complimented his class, trying to act normal, and I just got a cold shoulder. Then I was printing and the girl was there setting up her class. We used to have a good relationship and to have that from her was kind of hurtful.

So now, I just feel like all the people I thought I had formed bonds with were all fake. And I get that it’s just the fallout from the summer camp, but it still hurts. I need to be careful about work relationships now. So very careful. I feel like everything I do is being watched, and everything I say is being monitored. I let my guard down and feel still feel really betrayed and careless.

Work husband still doesn’t know what happened, but in my new attempt to be more thoughtful of the information that I am sharing and who I am sharing with and trusting, he may just get the cliff notes. I don’t want to relive it anymore. And he doesn’t really need the details. The less people who know about it the better, I think.

3 thoughts on “Sunday Scribblings #120

  1. Pingback: Thoughtful | The Confusing Middle

  2. It has been tough on you, that’s for sure. But sadly workplaces are like that (been there myself). I think things will settle enough so that you’ll lose the anxiety, but as you say, the trust for colleagues will probably never quite get back to what it was. I hope you lose the stress – just remember to stay kind to yourself. Hugs as always, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww thanks AJ! The first day of school is done and over with so thats good. I feel out of place and almost like I’m being shunned a bit. But I also think some of that may just be me projecting some insecurities into the situation. So I’m going to try to move by it and have a great year!

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