Because I am getting bolder and now I have more to share.
So there’s this guy at work. And I have fallen so hard over the last two months. I always thought he was attractive, but a little bit on the older side of my comfort zone with men, and he is very intimidating as a man so I didn’t really know him too well. But that’s changed over the spring. We’ve gotten to know each other better, we spend lots of time together at work, we talk, I’ve started texting him on the weekend about certain things, like just saying happy father’s day last week. Just nice things.
And the best part, I get to be myself. I have two very distinct personalities – work and personal. And while I have worked really hard to make my personal my true authentic self, and having to merge like my family’s expectations with my own character, my professional personality has to stay. I can’t get rid of her. But with him, I get to be my authentic self without fear of judgement from him. Mostly because he has a very similar personality, almost the exact same as one of my best friends, and I’m determined that its why we get along so well.
Anyway, since I have been able to now be my true self around him, of course I have just massively fallen for him. And he’s a very charismatic guy and a bit flirty and so am I which all led to the feelings. I was talking with another coworker last Monday because I went to the movies last weekend for the first time since August 2019. I didn’t say who I went with just that the movie wasn’t my choice, it was my friends. A non-gendered entitity. Well WH (a coworker has started calling my crush my work husband, so moving on he shall be WH), pops into his office door, because of course I’m eating lunch in his comfy desk chair, and he’s like “ooo it was his choice? Did everything end well?” just jumping to conclusions that it was with a man. Let’s be honest it was, but just a friend of mine. Actually it was my booty call but once I started to fall for WH the FWB situation I had going on dropped to friends with no benefits. So I text WH later being all “ooooo mister jealous!” and said he thought it was a date. I was replying at the gym and then this conversation happened:
Now here’s the thing with WH – he always replies with winkie faces! To so many things! Which complicates things.
Anyway, I was terrified sending that “I’m waiting for a you date” message but I’m really glad that I did. Because I needed this to be settled. And yes it totally sucked that he said no (well he said that *I* didn’t want to date him? except that I do…) but it’s also really great because we are able to keep being our normal selves even after that.
At first, I was disappointed but then I got it – and I respect him so much more as a man for how it all went down. He knows that I’m looking for something serious, and I’m pretty sure he’s not and never will be. It’s just not who he is. So instead of taking a very sure thing out on a few dates and then it inevitably not working out because I would want more and he wouldn’t, he took that step to the side. And that’s really great.
He has been saying for like over a month he wants to set me up with his friend. Which has never happened. And then last week, I was having lunch in his office when another coworker came in and he very quickly changed the topic (like mid-sentence)and started talking about how he was mentioning me to his friend’s wife and how he was saying how much he likes me because I remind him of her (don’t drink or smoke or do drugs but down to party) and they get along really well? And she/they say I need to come to their rum party and just meet all their single friends so it’ll be like speed dating for me? So yeah…that’s where that ended pretty much: I get to be my authentic self (which is now showing off at work because the principal has mentioned that a new sassy personality has started to come out there which just means I’m comfortable), I took my shot with him, we stayed friends, and now I’m going to this rum party which I don’t know when or where it is? LOL