Aaron’s word of inspiration this week is party.
Everyone knows that I love my birthday! I love the birthday wishes, I love the anticipation of the lead up, I love the gifts! I just love that I have a day for me. I’m not really one for a “party” but a family dinner is my favourite.
This year, my birthday is on Good Friday (aka April 15th, write it down so you don’t forget). Which is about time that my birthday was recognized as a national holiday. #sorryJesus
It is also the first Easter we are able to get together as a family since the spring of 2019. Covid restrictions have prevented us from celebrating in 2020 and 2021.
In DECEMBER I told my parents I would be back for Easter. I told my best friend (who now lives a 20 minute drive from my parents instead of 2 hours) that I would be back that weekend and would love to have lunch. I told my brother that I would be renting a car so that he and his (at that time soon to be) wife could come and go as they pleased to get to both family things. It’s an 8 hour drive to see my parents from Ottawa and her parents live a 20 minute drive from them.
So now that it’s closer, I had started to confirm with my parents the details. Because I had such a sucky Christmas because they were so busy trying to accommodate this new addition into our family (which BTW she didn’t get me anything), I was sending plans for my birthday. Cake types and things.
But my dad’s birthday was 2 days ago. April 1st. I asked my mom, can we make it a joint birthday dinner and invite her sister (the best aunt but don’t tell the rest). She said sure, get confirmation from my brother when they would be joining us and she’d make reservations. So I reached out to him and asked him if they would be joining us either Saturday evening or Sunday evening and explained that mom wanted to be making a reservation.
And ya know what?! He’s probably not coming.
SHE works Saturday. And her mom’s birthday is also that weekend and her family also has Easter traditions. So they haven’t decided how to make appearances at both. I said, possibly unpopular opinion since she has to work that weekend, drive up Friday and head home Sunday. He gets to join our things and if he left early enough Sunday he could make Sunday (or probably more likely Monday) dinner with them. Especially since SHE sees her mom every day she works. And they are can go over to her parents any time they want as they are so close.
But he says whatever they will be doing, they will be doing together. And that he won’t be losing sleep if it doesn’t work out this year because restrictions are lifting and there will be more opportunities for us to do things as a family. And that if I was going to put so much pressure and importance on this weekend I should have told them earlier. As if December wasn’t early enough. He says that I’m feeling “starved for family functions” because they were able to do things during COVID but as a teacher I wasn’t able to do them. I missed ONE family function because I was in quarantine. I didn’t even reply to his text messages. I messaged him a day later about my landlord’s case. I am done with him making me feel like a horrible person and making me cry because all we do is fight about everything.
So once again our family is the second choice and I’m just wondering when I’m ever going to see my brother at any family function. I get she wants to see her family, but they could EASILY move their celebrations. Easily. Her entire family (parents, grandparents, siblings and their families) are ALL in the Ottawa area. All of them.
And I said this to my brother in a nice way. But he is turning into an insufferable person. And I know that I have changed over the last little bit, because I have had friends tell me so. But they also tell me he’s being a dick. And I’m sorry dear readers to use such harsh language but I can’t help it (he even told me to join an all ladies gym because men who go to the gym are douchebags and I need to stay away from them, there’s a story there but this isn’t the place) And I think his relationship with her has amplified it. Of course if I try to say anything of reason, he basically gaslights me and I get told that I’m wrong or he didn’t say that, or I didn’t tell him anything about this weekend, and I’m being petty and bitter and jealous, and I’m not welcoming her into the family. Well ya know what, you’re right. I’m not. And I’m not going to. I’m done until they can start showing us that our family matters. I was forced to go over to their place to see it before the wedding when I didn’t want to hang out with her. I offered to have just the two of us go for coffee and she said no come to the house with both of us. I asked later that week if she wanted to enjoy a free ticket to the museum with me or do something else and again she said no. So if she wants to formulate this relationship she can do it herself.
I kind of spewed all this at my mom yesterday. She wanted to let me know that there was a possibility that they wouldn’t be making the trip and didn’t want me to be disappointed. I told her it was too late and I will always be disappointed when he chooses her family over ours. My mom said she “can agree with me wholeheartedly”. I’m not sure that means she DOES or she can see my point haha. My principal at work told me that’s just how it goes in marriages, that the couple usually gravitates to the bride’s family functions. But that’s straight-up BS.
So this year my birthday party will be a joint party with my dad, I’ve already ordered the cake for both of us, and it will probably just be my parents and my aunt and me. At least I don’t have to spend the whole weekend being fake nice to her. Thanks for the great prompt to allow a solid rant, Aaron 🙂