So a little life update.
One month ago, I uploaded a post about guys who “didn’t come” and talked about how that day I had basically been stood up for a date, or maybe I was the one who had been stood up. Who knows.
What I didn’t mention was that earlier that day, I had a different first date. And that’s what I want to share with you today.
The guy who didn’t come was one I had been talking to for about a week or so. His texts were becoming less and less frequent and were less and less interesting. And I’m the type of person who thinks that if a guy wants to see me or talk to me, he will put in the effort.
I was getting bored and had started to scroll through my dating apps again. If I haven’t met the guy in person yet, I have no problem doing this without telling them. I’m sure they are doing the same thing.
So on February 5th, I was on Bumble and I saw this cute profile, it seemed decent so I swiped right. It immediately matched, which meant that he had previously swiped right on me, and as they say, the rest is history. We started talking that evening and he was funny and charming and he asked to meet the next day. I had this previously planned first date at 5pm so we planned for 11am. And then I started to panic. I was not the type of person to put two first dates on the same day! Like ever! And I’m not exactly sure what it was that made me do it, but I felt more comfortable meeting with this new person who I had been talking to for a few short hours than the guy who I had been talking to for over a week.
He was saying all the right things and was very sweet. But not really in a fake charming way that some guys have. That first night I got a “good night princess” and then “good morning my queen” – such a quick promotion.
So we met for coffee at a Starbucks near my house. He lives in Gatineau (which I try to avoid) but it’s less than a 20-minute drive between our houses which is great (and a $25 uber drive with tip, or an hour bus ride). The Starbucks literally had 4 chairs available to sit on and all 4 were taken so we decided to go for a walk around the plaza. We did one 5 minute loop and were FROZEN so we just sat in his car and talked. For two hours. And the only reason I went home was that I had to pee so badly! He drove me home which was very nice. He knew I had plans that afternoon, but I lied and said I was meeting a friend, not that I had a date. And I hope if he ever reads this then he forgives me that one small lie.
As soon as I got home I wanted to cancel on the other guy. Not only was the idea of going out again in the cold totally off-putting, but also his lack of effort over the last few days. Especially when contrasted with this guy who had even offered to come back to my house and drive me to my afternoon meeting with a friend, wanting to see me again.
I gave him my phone number and said “let’s get off this app” which for me just means let’s text instead, and I went back to read his reply and the message was gone. I asked what he said and he was like “you said to get off the app so I deleted it.” Like wow. I paused my two accounts that day which meant I would not be getting any matches from new people or showing up in results at all.
I have to say his intent and effort were refreshing. He was so easy to talk to, about literally everything. And in person, face to face. Usually, I leave the hard conversations to text messages but with him, it’s so easy to just talk. We match on so many levels of things which is so nice.
So we started talking Saturday evening, met Sunday morning, he came over Monday night for a movie night, picked me up for a “surprise” on Tuesday which was just driving around and then seeing his place before he dropped me off in time for bed, being respectful of my job and the sleep that is needed for it. 3 dates in 3 days has got to be a record for me. After those three days, I deleted my dating app profiles completely and removed the apps from my phone. Haven’t looked back since.
I went straight from work to his place that Friday where we talked about us and things. Especially the sexual side of things. He’s so respectful and always asks what is ok and wants clarification to make sure he’s not pushing me. Which he isn’t. I have never felt so safe and accepted and valued with a guy. That Saturday, I had a phone consult with my doctor to start birth control. My guy said I didn’t have to do it (because I have been not wanting to take the pill) but after we talked about other options and I talked to my doctor about my concerns, I felt ok starting it. Which I did last weekend.
That Monday was Valentine’s Day but I honestly wasn’t expecting anything since we had only been seeing each other for a week. He was visiting a friend and then had to isolate for 5 days due to coming into contact with a covid positive person. He made plans for Saturday and took me out for dinner (to make up for missing Valentine’s Day apparently). That was the long weekend when I pierced my nose, which he likes. He brought up at dinner that he didn’t want to feel like he was pushing me to start pills or to move the physical side of things too fast, but I don’t feel like I am. I made sure to let him know that it’s because of how safe and comfortable I feel with him that I am ok doing it. Sunday was a spontaneous trip to his place (I was already showered and in pjs so we had a pj viewing of 90-day fiance) and since I didn’t have to work on Monday (he did) I was there until after midnight just watching tv, so again 3 days in a row.
Last weekend he was in my area so he popped in for a little bit before carrying on with his errands. We had our first moment of conflict Sunday/Monday. It was handled really well, I didn’t like that it happened because it was 100% avoidable, but with open communication, it’s in the past. We both approached it with previous experiences which caused us to react in ways that are not based on our relationship, but I am happy that it happened and we were able to make our mark together as a couple and build that layer of foundation into our lives.
This weekend I again went to his place after work. We cooked and watch a movie, had our first “sleeping only” sleep over. He saw my natural hair, and all my tattoos. We spent all morning and most of the afternoon together on Saturday before he dropped me off at my place after a nice 2 hour drive around (saw my brother’s place and came back, did not meet my brother or stop in or anything).
And now here we are, a full month in and I am really enjoying him. He brings a sense of calmness to my life which no other guy has done before. He’s supportive and caring. Sweet, attractive, and a massive dork. But he’s my dork so it’s ok 😉
Anyway, if you’re wondering why I haven’t been engaging much lately, it’s because I’ve been way too preoccupied with a very amazing man.