Dear Me…

From 20 years ago.

Wow! Look at you being 14 years old and in grade 9. This is kind of where your journey started for you. You don’t know it at the time, but a lot of who you become is formed over the next few years.

First of all, just let me say, you are going to regret letting our mom take you to that one hair place with the computer. Sure, in 2001 it seems like a cool thing to do, but you did not look good. But maybe that’s what makes you into the person you become.

At 34, I can look back and see a lot of things I’d want to do differently, but I also see their value so I’m not going to tell you to change anything. In the next ten years, you make a lot of good choices for yourself and push through a lot of anxiety and stress to make yourself a better person. Yes, at times you will go with the flow and with the people who you think are your friends, but in the end, you discover within yourself that you don’t need to follow them and you can make great choices for yourself.

High school is an ok time for you so don’t worry. Yes, you are that fat girl in your class, but you have some nice friends and you don’t get made fun of. You find new hobbies which enrich your life and learn how to stand up for yourself.

In university (yes you go), you provide for yourself and grow even more. This is where you really hit your stride. You gain confidence in your own self-worth for the first time in your life. I know it’s going to be hard to let that part of you flourish, but babes you got this! The measure of your worth is not tied to the size of your clothing, despite what so many people tell you. You figure this out! I am so proud of you! I know it’s going to be hard, but don’t let mom’s opinion of your newfound confidence get you down. She has always struggled with finding hers, but don’t let that dull your shine.

In your 20’s, oh I am so proud of your 20’s! You dig deep and set standards for yourself with what you will tolerate from people around you. You wanted so much to be accepted and part of a “friend group” that you settled for being the one they could all leave behind and they wouldn’t even notice. And that realization is going to really suck. But you will find that the ones who held you close to be the best friends you’ll ever have. And you still are friends with them at 34. But in your 20’s you are going to find that part of yourself that questions society around you, and the friends around you, and the faith you’ve been brought up in. Embrace those questions! Seek your own truths that you feel comfortable with! It takes time, it’s not going to happen overnight. You are going to travel and experience so much!

Now come your 30’s. Which is where we are now. Your 30’s are going to be a place of magic and some hard lessons. You find your calling in life. I won’t tell you what it is, because the joy was in figuring out what gifts God gave you. You actually love all of yourself in your 30’s. You value yourself enough to let other’s in and start dating. Yes, it’s late, but it’s right. You fall in love for the first time. You’ll never forget him but you learn to be thankful for the brief time that you had those deep deep feelings and you learn to know what it feels like to really love someone for all that they are, the good and the bad. You make hard choices on how you want to live your life and stop letting people make some of those choices for you or make you feel bad for doing things that truly make you happy. If I have one wish for your 30’s, for the rest of my 30’s, is that you don’t hold onto things as long. Take them, process them, let them go.

14 year old me, let me tell you: I really love you. I might not have back then, but I do now. You are such an amazing woman and I am happy to be able to be the eventual evolution of her.

xoxo
T

This post is part of Bloganuary and their daily prompts. I won’t be using their prompts every day, especially if I already have a post scheduled, but I wanted to start off the month by answering their first prompt. If you also want to join along with Bloganuary, click here.

6 thoughts on “Dear Me…

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