The Captain’s Quiz 6: Quizmas

What better way to celebrate my first day of Christmas holidays AND my 70th day in a row posting than to do a Captain’s Quiz? I literally can’t think of a better way.

Let’s get right into this! As a 3 time winner of the previous 5 quizzes, I have a lot riding on this one. Especially since I love Christmas, and I’m taking this quiz as my gift from Paul. Paul, you shouldn’t have, because I didn’t get you anything other than being a totally amazing friend and sending really silly Instagram reels to you. I’ll do better next year.

If you want all the details about the quiz and the rules and whatever, check out Paul’s post on it. And while you’re there, follow his blog. It’s pretty great. If you want to participate, your answers have to be in before end of day on Thursday, December 23rd. But after taking 2 whole hours (yes really) to get my own answers done, I just suggest you don’t even try. What follows is a masterpiece of Christmas freedom and cookies for breakfast. I have no regrets.

The Questions

1. Santa Claus is on a health kick this holiday season. Instead of milk and cookies, what snacks would you leave out for him?

Well Santa, I think this is probably a really good choice for you. So much sugar just is not good for you! But I still believe in having something yummy. So I would make him my cousin’s avocado brownies which don’t have gluten or sugar in them. And honestly, they are so yummy! I would also set out a nice mug of dairy-free hot cocoa (in a thermos of course) which is made with almond milk instead and cocoa (not chocolate) with a splash of vanilla and nutmeg and cinnamon just to give it a little yummy taste. Again, no added sugar but still DELICIOUS! You can go healthy without missing the yummy snacks you’re used to!

2. Picture your 8-year-old self. You are home alone during the holidays, when burglars try to break in to your house. What do you do?

When I was 8, I lived in an old farm house so this is PERFECT. First of all, outside. I’d make the walkways ICY. The front door was a wooden porch so that is a death trap with just the slightest amount of water. We never used it in the winter for this reason. But I’d shovel it off and make it look like the main entrance, but also remove the light over the door so it’s easier for them to stay hidden. The side door was a gravel driveway, so I’d light it up bright to keep the burglars away. There was also a dog next door who was outside a lot so they would be barking at the side door if anyone walked down the driveway. We also had a sliding door in the back which led to our pool. So obviously there would be some ramps covered in ice and oil and marbles for the burglars to slip and slide all the way into the pool. And some sharp spikes by the gates, and barbed wire along the edge of the fence if they tried to hop the fence. There was ALSO a balcony with a satellite tower thingy right beside. This was our emergency fire escape but the balcony wasn’t very secure to walk on. So shards of glass/wire all the way up the tower (cos it was just big enough for an adult to climb if they were careful) and then glass all over the balcony floor.

INSIDE! well hello, hardwood floors! A little soap on the stairs and oil along the banister would be good. Throw on some marbles just for good measure. We had a wood burning fire place so we had all the fire pokers and things which could be attached to strings when opening doors and they could come flying at you. Also throw some fire crackers into the fire place just for added noise and fun.

In the basement (which I am POSITIVE was haunted) my brother would set up a firing range for the winter with my dad’s bb guns and turn the couch to use the back as his target. He used to make “darts” by cutting q-tips in half which were hallow and then gluing in some of mom’s sewing pins. Obviously I’d rig them up to have a string on the trigger and they would fire when the basement door was opened. Unfortunately, these were air pumps so only good for one shot. The stairs leading down to the basement were concrete so if you survived the soap/oil mixture that was also on the hardwood stairs, maybe they would get hit by the q-tip darts. Then I’d quickly pour oil all over the stairs at the back of the basement as well which lead up to a non-functioning door but it still looked real cos there was a handle and lock still on it. Slip down the stairs and fall right into my dad’s shelves of tools which were honestly full of heavy and wobbly things and would come crashing down on you. Don’t worry, the basement had two separate rooms, the back was my dad’s workshop and the front was our play room. The kids were never allowed in the back unsupervised and like I said, it was haunted and I HATED going into that back room.

3. Have you ever bought a gift for someone else that you wanted to keep for yourself? If so, what was it?

I thought about this for a while and I honestly don’t think that I have. If I get something for someone that I would really like, I think I just buy two and keep one for myself? LOL One year for my dad’s birthday I got him a subscription to Storyworth, where he had to answer questions about his life and then it was made into a book which I think is super cool but he was 70 and had a whole life of things he never talked about that I wanted to know. Maybe when I’m 70 I will be gifted it. This year, I did buy my brother a rolling pin that I also want. I have him for our family gift exchange and his main gift is something he REALLY wants and I had to have specially ordered from the US but I had a bit of money left over before reaching the limit so I got him the rolling pin cos his list said he wanted one. I also want one, but not enough to get a second one for me just yet HAHA.

4. Which would you rather build: a snowman or a snow fort? Explain your decision.

A snowman and let me tell you why. First of all, I get to decorate it. Who doesn’t love dressing up other things and making them fashionable? I love it. Bring on the accessories! Secondly, I don’t really enjoy playing IN the snow. The fort gives the implication that I will later sit in said fort and spend time in the snow getting cold and possibly wet and that is not something I enjoyed when I was younger and I definitely don’t enjoy it now when I’m old. A snowman is a lovely afternoon activity and then you go inside and have a hot chocolate and sit in the window and watch your snowman from inside and the wildlife coming around to eat it’s carrot nose and snack on the bird seed which I obviously sprinkled around the bottom of it. A fort means more outside time and that’s a big no thank you from me.

5. It is your job to remind others to drive safely in treacherous winter conditions. Write a Public Service Announcement that will play on the radio this winter.

Winter – where the snow is beautiful but the driving is deadly. This winter season be sure to take extra care while driving on the roads. Imagine you are transporting granny in the front seat of your car who is bringing a gravy boat of boiling hot gravy to Christmas dinner and she is holding it in her lap with no lid. Why didn’t she put it into a container with a lid? Because she’s 95 Sharon and you don’t argue with granny! You say yes ma’am and let me get the door for you. Make sure granny arrives to her destination safely and with her clothes gravy free. No one wants a gravy covered granny on Christmas. Drive safe.

6. There is a holiday party at your workplace and everyone must bring in one dish of food to share. What are you bringing?

Ooooo I am all about bringing 1 of 2 things to any party. I always ask sweet or savoury but since Paul didn’t clarify, here are my two choices.

If I’m going sweet, I will make my aunt’s no-bake cheesecake. It’s really simple: mix crushed graham crackers, melted butter, and sugar, together and push into the bottom of whatever dish you are using. I’ve used a 9×9 pan, 9×13, and even a muffin tin. But the muffin tin is a little harder to use and eat from. Put into fridge to cool. Okies, then in a bowl mix a brick of softened cream cheese, some powdered sugar, and about half a tub of whipped cream. Use the frozen tub or make your own, do not use the pfiz pfiz spray whipped cream. A hand-held electric mixer works best for this. Add on top of the crust and put back into the fridge. Open a jar of your favourite pie filling (I always use cherry) and top. That’s it!

If I’m doing savoury, I will bring a chip dip. Take a 9×13 pan. Mix together cream cheese and sour cream to form the base. Sometimes I like to sprinkle in just a little bit of taco seasoning to add some flavour. Add a layer of salsa. Then I will cook ground beef with some more seasoning and onions and garlic. Add that on top of the salsa. Then slice up some green onions and sweet peppers for the next layer. Then a layer of cheese. Adjust toppings to what you like. You can warm it or just serve it cold. Either is good. Bring a bag of chips so people can enjoy it.

7. Someone got you a hippopotamus for Christmas because you insisted, “only a Hippopotamus will do”. How did they give it to you?

YAS!!! FINALLY A HIPPO RELATED QUESTION! okies…so once I stopped squealing and calmed down enough to write this question, this is obviously the only way to do this. Since Paul didn’t say it was a house hippo, I will assume it is a full sized hippo. Which means that the person gifting it would have had to buy a plot of land and create a magical and appropriate habitat for my hippo. Which isn’t at my house, because DUH I’d know right away, but also isn’t too far away from my house. They would get the hippo acclimated and name him/her General Waverly, and get them set up and acclimated in their new environment with all the permits and things to have a hippo so close to a city centre. THEN on the day I was to receive my gift, they would make sure I was dressed appropriately and send me on a scavenger hunt to find the following things based on clues and riddles:

  1. A new plush hippo
  2. A watermelon
  3. 3 heads of lettuce
  4. the biggest cucumber I could find.

Obviously all from different stores because all in one store would take the fun out of it and a new clue would be given once I found the item in the store. Then my last clue at the store with the giant cucumber would be to meet them at the address where the hippo was. And then I would get there and they would have a curtain in front of the glass window into the water feature area and a string which says “pull me” and I would pull it, because, DUH I legally have to it if says to! And then the curtain would come open and balloons and glitter would fall from the ceiling and I would see my hippo and their name plate as General Waverly and I would start to cry because it would be the happiest moment of my life and my gifter would then propose because OBVIOUSLY we are in love and this was the only way they could fully express how much I mean to them and we were meant to be together forever. The end.

8. What advice would you give someone who isn’t good at wrapping presents?

Use a gift bag. LOL

9. In the movie, Home Alone, Kevin McCallister says, “Be sure to bundle up if you go outside. It’s a little nippy.” How do you stay warm when it’s cold?

WELL I hate the cold. This year I have a good system. I have sorel boots which are waterproof and keep my feet nice and warm although they have a hole in them and this will be their last season of wear haha. I also will wear thermal socks that I will put on overtop of my regular socks when its VERY cold outside. I have a heavy coat which goes down over my butt so that stays warm. I wear a hat when its just cold but then earmuffs when its more than -5 outside because my ears get too cold with my hat and with my wig I don’t have a lot of options. I have hand knitted mittens with fabric lining to keep me extra warm. My mom is making a new pair for Christmas. And now that I am at my new job I have purchased a pair of snowpants for outside supervision for recess. I leave them at the school. If it’s super cold and/or windy, I also purchased a pair of sweat pants to wear over my jeans for my commute to work.

10. Are you a Dasher or a Dancer? Why?

DANCER! Oh my gosh, to quote parks and recs, running may be good for you “but at what cost?” so no. I will not dash. I will dance.

BONUS QUESTIONS

1. Santa is about to put you on the naughty list this year. Convince him he’s making a mistake and that you were a good person in 2021.

So Santa told me at school yesterday that he doesn’t believe that I was good this year, so I might actually be in this situation like for reals. He still gave me my candy gram but I feel like there might be a slight issue. And I know EXACTLY what he’s talking about. But I also feel like my job as teacher means that I should always be on the nice list and I’m allowed to have that ONE naughty thing in my life. It’s always the same naughty thing and I have never been on the naughty list yet, so I think that Santa might just agree with me. I don’t need to be perfect, just good. And the love and patience I have for my students even when they are literally throwing folding chairs at me (Thursday this week) cancels out that naughty thing. It’s not like I’m addicted to meth or anything lol.

2. There have been allegations that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was bullied by his fellow reindeer. The North Pole calls you in to give the reindeer a stern talking-to. What do you say?

*turns on the teacher angry voice* Everyone sit down. Vixen I SAID SIT DOWN! Now, I have heard that we are not using our kind words with our friend Rudolph. In this barn we are a family and family means that we are kind to our friends with our words AND actions. Are you allowed to use this language with your friends? *Most say no but Comet tries to interrupt saying it wasn’t him* I’m not saying who it was, but I heard what you said and it’s not ok. Was saying those things kind? *everyone says no* Was it respectful? *no…* Was it responsible? *no….* Were you being empathetic? *no…* We are all made differently so that we can each use our special gifts to help each other out. Rudolph is no exception. And in this barn, bullying will not be tolerated. If I hear any more reports that you are using this language, you will not be allowed to fly with Santa on Christmas Eve. Do you understand?! *…yessss…* Am I going to hear you using these words again?! *…nooo….* Good! Now let’s all go play some reindeer games.

3. On the television show, The OC, Seth Cohen created Chrismukkah as a way to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. Meanwhile, on Seinfeld, George Costanza’s family celebrates Festivus – a secular and non-commercial holiday – on December 23. Create your own alternate winter holiday and tell me all about it. What’s it called? What are the traditions? Who can celebrate?

OKIES listen up peeps! It will be in the 3rd Friday of January because we already have holidays in December and February. It would be called Quiet Day. And the goal is to just have a quiet day. Everyone can celebrate as long as they are being quiet. Watch tv all day, read some books, sit with headhphones on and don’t be called antisocial. It will be the best. Kids have the day off school, all work offices are closed. Like a full shut down. If you’re leaving your house you BEST have a good reason because cars make noise. You want to uber some dinner? TOUGH! Those people need a break too. Car needs gas? Best fill up the day before because they be closed. Of course, hospitals and police and firemen will have to be open just in case, but that’s it. AND the people who are working on Quiet Day get holiday pay and their boss must provide the day before or after as an alternative. Thank you.

Best of luck to all those who are trying to take my title from me 😉

5 thoughts on “The Captain’s Quiz 6: Quizmas

  1. Pingback: The Captain’s Quiz 6: Our First Quizmas Together (RESULTS) | The Captain's Speech

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