Starting Over

talking homer simpson GIF

Sigh…I posted 25 days in a row and then yesterday happened. And now I have to start my streak over again. This is what happens when I don’t schedule ahead of time! UGH okies so after I posted this, I got a notification that I posted 26 days in a row…because Wednesdays are my poetry days…and I have those scheduled…so Im not starting over!!! YAY DAY 26

Yesterday I almost cried in my class at the end of the day. I stayed late after that as well – usually leaving at 4, but stayed until 4:30.

Have you ever just had a rough week? One that has felt like it’s been a month long?

Okies so here it goes:

On Monday, I stopped talking to the sous chef. He made a joke of needing condoms for his vacation this week and I said if he’s having sex with other people I’m out. He said it was a joke and we aren’t dating so why does it matter? And I said, “of course, it matters if the guy I’m talking to for so long, trying to get to know is having sex with other people”. Nah. Talking to other people, sure. We hadn’t met yet. Having sex with others? I’m not playing that game. Also said it wasn’t funny and I was still out.

Up to this point, he had been initiating conversations all week. I had pulled back after a few failed meet up times, but every day we talked because he made the first message each day.

He replies “haha that’s cool. I wasn’t planning on meeting you anyway” which his effort over the past week makes me think he’s just trying to save face but whatever. I blocked him on all the things I had him on.

I’m kinda taking a step back from the dating scene life. It’s exhausting.

Okies moving on!

Tuesday, a student was outside and frustrated. They got out of line as we were walking back inside from recess. They wanted to hold their EA’s hand. But she also has her afternoon student during morning recess. So I offered them my hand to lead them back into line. They first need to listen to the instruction to get back in line and then can ask to hold someone’s hand. So they took my hand but really just held my finger, and then in anger pushed it REALLY far back, and for a split second, I could see the very real possibility of them breaking it. Thankfully – I was able to get them to release my finger and no harm was done, they didn’t hurt me at all. But for the rest of the day, that panic stayed with me and was very real. Once we got inside I went for my lunch and they went to their afternoon classes and I didn’t even see them for the rest of the day. But the panic resided in my heart.

Wednesday is next! And the day that I missed my post.

On Wednesday we got a new student in my class. They had been there on Monday to just sit in for an hour and see how we roll and then their parents said yes, we would like them to attend. I met their adult outside and asked all my covid questions and then they left for work. My new student and I were talking and there were some tears because they had promised their adult that they would wear their boots ALL DAY and the rule is, you have to change your boots when you get inside. Once we got inside though, they were fine. I rearranged my schedule to accommodate an extra long gym class for some extra play. By the end of that first class, my throat is already hurting. Then we read a story as a class. But ya see, that day we also had an observation for another student. The leading world-renowned therapist/psychologist (I’m not sure his title) was the one doing the observing. He asked me about my new student and how they were doing that morning. And I said there were some tears but tears don’t work on me and that so far it was fine. This was just at 10am. He then witnessed a meltdown from the new student during storytime. Thank goodness he was there. The observations are always focused on one student and he would never interfere but it was good he saw it since he will be working with the student.

So then lunchtime happened. The new student didn’t want to clean up their toys at the end of their free time. This led to another meltdown. Then of course the wifi was down ALL DAY which meant that one of my more non-verbal students was having their own personal meltdown, unable to express their emotions and so stuck in this spiral of emotions that they couldn’t calm themselves for LITERALLY the entire day.

Afternoon recess, new student doesn’t want to put on their coat properly. But it’s cold and Canada so put on your jacket! New student LOVES one of the other students. Won’t stop chasing them. Won’t leave them alone. We tell them to stop and to play something else. This makes new student take off their jacket. We ask to put it back on. My EA goes to assist in making new student listen, new student RUNS AWAY. EA chases. FINALLY gets new student along the back fence. Brings new student back. New student has a big stick that they are just swinging around?! Get the coat back on the student. Time to go inside from recess, new students runs AGAIN. This time it was my turn to go after them. I didn’t run after them cos they would just run. They wanted to play. They asked for more time. They needed help. So I helped them but then I had ahold of their hand and just led them to the line-up.

The afternoon goes ok. We read another story because the internet was still down and couldn’t do music and my throat was DEAD and I was not singing. So I read very quietly one of my favourite books “The Balloon Tree”. My students love books and will sit so quietly. One student remembered a word from an hour and a half earlier and used it correctly! My heart almost explodes!

End of day free time. New student didn’t want to clean up. Mini meltdown. Didn’t want to say anything was their favourite part of the day. Didn’t want to put on their jacket again. I moved their backpack and lunch bag to limit distraction. New student flipped and a tug of war ensued. Principal walking by went and got our health and safety guy. Aka basically a bouncer for the kids. He is a brick wall and is intimidating for ME as an adult. My EA took the whole class down for dismissal with another teacher. I stayed upstairs with the H&S guy and new student. H&S was amazing. He sat in the doorway silently and just his presence was calming for me. I needed that silent support. He did tell the new student to stop this now and listen but it didn’t work. After about 20 minutes we got new student in their coat and down to their adult. Who then had to see us come out with the H&S guy and I had to explain why we were 20 minutes after the rest of the class and who the H&S guy was and that he was assisting me to make sure I was safe and their child was safe. Which is true. He is our crisis expert and is trained (and trained all of us) in proper and safe holds and removals of students from classes and things. But until new student has a behavioural safety plan, it’s just kind of guessing what is ok. He never corrected my own actions and today he didn’t say anything about them when we were talking, so I’m thinking what I was doing was good.

After talking to the adult, I went back upstairs and still had to clean my class and spray certain things down with sanitizer. I met a teacher leaving as I was going up and he asked how I was doing and I teared up just saying fine. But he had a rough day too. I got home and my brain was MUSH. Complete and utter mush. I don’t remember what happened in the Simpsons episodes I was watching, but I do remember my brother showing me the engagement ring he bought last night.

Thankfully today was better. The wifi was back. There were only meltdowns from new student. New student will now have full-time EA support for the next week or two. Once you run away (called eloping) you NEED it for legal reasons. They had full support today so that was really helpful! The EA’s are specially trained and can handle the meltdowns while I teach the class, and they can handle the running away at recess while I stay with my class.

So that’s why I missed my post yesterday. Hopefully, I will have a post for tomorrow but I can’t make any promises. It has been an entire month this week.

8 thoughts on “Starting Over

  1. Hell, I’m tired just reading that, never mind actually living it! I’m so glad you have such good support & protocols at school, & boundaries with the sous-chef guy: yet another loser you’re better off without. Sounds like you need a quiet hug, so here it is, all the way from Oz 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww thanks for the hug! Right back at ya!

      I was scared at first when we had to do the crisis prevention instruction training. It was very intimidating!! Thankfully my class is full of littles and full body holds aren’t needed. They are all pretty small and non-violent. Except for the little one who had my finger haha they are big and strong and do get slightly violent when they have overwhelming emotions. We work on learning zones of regulations and calm down strategies though. It’s just a process before they stick hahaha

      And yes! Good riddance to him! LOL im not too upset. I was already talking to someone new when the end came for him 😅

      Liked by 1 person

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