A Return to Online Dating

Well look who is making another post!

Ya know, a girl could get used to this! I love having a morning routine and having an actual “office space” even if its just a desk in my bedroom has been great for my productivity. Well not so much my work productivity but as you can see over the last two weeks, my blog has been posted to like a bazillion (11) times!

So here we are again, delving into the personal and tragic side of my life that is the world of online dating. Y’all knew that this day would come, and it’s about time. The stupidity of boys and then the pandemic has really stalled my romantic failures, but also I really think that I needed that huge break. There was no pressure to be “finding the one” when the whole world was locked down. And especially since, up until a month ago, I lived in Toronto which was a horrible place to live during the pandemic, dating has basically been off the table for a year and a half.

Let’s take a little tiny jaunt down memory lane and revisit the last “connections” that I had. I won’t call them boyfriends because no one ever lasts long enough to earn the title, but let’s just skip over that little fact, shall we?

Okies, so in December of 2019 (yeah…it’s going back that far) I met P. I can’t remember if I have given him a special code name or not and I’m not going to go and check. So we hit it off, he was cute and we had a good virtual connection and in person. But after we met he just kind of pulled away? After the holidays he said I had ghosted him but when he doesn’t reply to a text and it’s like I’m forcing it, I stop forcing it. Anyway, we talked it out and he said he’d try better and in February we met up in person again. He’d come over and we’d cuddle and watch tv and movies. But only on his schedule and when I would suggest to do something not at 10pm on a Saturday night, it never happened. I was his booty call. There was not bootying going on during these booty calls, do we need the reminder that I’m waiting for marriage for the booty part of a booty call? But there really isn’t any other way to describe it. When he wanted some snuggles and affections, he’d text and make time for me. And I wasn’t having it. Sure he smelled amazing, and had a pair of pretty great lips, but dude, come on. So we ended our whatever it is you want to call it, because when the issue of being more was brought up I apparently had “too many restrictions” aka “hands stay on top of the clothes” was too much for him.

Two days later, the whole world closed and that was basically the end of dating LOL But I had reconnected with the guy from the summer before. Now after my research and learning this summer for my new job, I am CONVINCED he has Asperger’s just due to certain things that I picked up on, but basically in May that crashed and burned and I decided that I was taking 100 days free from men. Not really free from men, but I had noticed that I was letting so many things cloud my spiritual relationship that it was basically a steaming pile of poo left in the corner and instead of focusing on dating relationships, I needed to focus on my Christian relationship instead. Well that brought us up to the very end of August. School was open again and I was going back to work, case counts were down, there was all this hope and excitement and I was back into dating.

I went on one or two first meetings, and then I got matched with E. There is a lot to be said about him but after about two months, we broke things off. We’ve had a few updates since we ended things in December, and he knows that I got a new job and moved, but he’s deleted from my phone and I think that’s best for both of us.

Then I decided I was getting a new job. I didn’t know where, so from January until I landed a job, I was off the market. I wasn’t going to start something that I would be ending if I moved far away. So when I signed my contract here, and found a place to live, I opened up a dating profile again. It was still about 6 weeks before I was moving so that was a bad choice. I started talking to one guy who knew I was still in Toronto but as soon as I said I was going tog et my second vaccine he disappeared. I stayed on the app for about 3-4 more days because I was talking to this one guy. I told him I was deleting the app but would like to stay in touch. We’ve been off-app friends ever since.

Here’s the thing with him – J. He was just out of a long term relationship and was just looking for friendship. Totally fine. I wasn’t in Ottawa yet and couldn’t even meet up and we all know the first (only) time I actually fell in love was with a blog friend. So friendship is a great place to start. But J was kinda boring. I half knew what he looked like from one photo he had on his profile, we’d say good morning and have a nice day and a few other pleasantries but it wasn’t the stuff of butterflies and longing to know someone more. It was just nice.

When I actually got to Ottawa, I opened up two apps. OKCupid (where I met J) and Hinge. I have since stopped using OkCupid and am on Hinge only. I am considering Bumble but let’s just see how this goes for a little. J has still been very open about honest about not being ready for a relationship and that’s amazing, so I’ve been open with him that I’m talking to other guys. Our regular routine of good mornings and small conversations continued.

My first weekend in my own place, J and I met for coffee. And then it all changed – for me at least! He is totally different in person! He’s engaging and entertaining and funny, and while he wore his mask the entire time (he only had 1 vaccine dose at that time) he is really handsome, and has great eyes! And he pushes me to consider topics and discussions in a way that I wouldn’t have before. We have a similar view on our Christianity, while respectfully disagreeing on a few things, but mostly line up. Which is rare for me. It was one of those “oh look at the time, I should get going” and then another 30 minutes goes by and it has to be said again because you just get sucked into conversation. But he is still not ready for a relationship and I respect that. He’s currently out of touch for a few weeks as he’s visiting his parents now that he’s fully vaccinated and able to go, and I miss our daily interactions (which have gotten better since meeting) but he’s still that mysterious and vague and a not ready person. And while my mind totally respects that, my heart is a loser and has decided to add a “yeah but what if…” to the respect.

I have had a few good interactions with people on Hinge, but none made it to meeting except one person, who I met two days ago. From the start, I was drawn into his profile which was simple and nice. And our conversations seemed to be nice and not really forced. It’s hard online sometimes ya know? The only thing is that he has the same name as my brother. And some people say that’s not an issue and some people say that’s weird and I’m kind of on the “that’s weird” side, BUT it’s such a common name! And it’s like a Thomas/Tom thing. I call my brother the longer version (Thomas) and this person had the shortened (Tom). So maybe that distinction is enough to make it ok? But my brother’s girlfriend calls him the shortened one so then it’s mixing and ugh, weird! But I pushed that aside and we met at a little night market in the area Sunday evening. And he was nice. The market was small, like 5 minutes worth of walking and not really stopping at any stalls, so we just did a little walking loop down the main road. And it was nice. The conversation was pleasant, a little awkward at first but nice. But that’s all it was. There was no connection at all on my part. And that happens sometimes. So I told him yesterday and unmatched his profile this morning since he didn’t and he didn’t respond to my message. 24 hours is enough time for him to have seen the message lol.

I have specific things I’m looking for and the best thing about Hinge is that it only allows you so many likes a day. Once I reach my limit, I don’t spent more time just mindlessly scrolling through the profiles haha. But work starts on Monday and I’m sure that will be taking a lot of my time and focus for at least September as I adjust to my new school and my new students. But look out blog! If I have the motivation to blog once school starts, hopefully I’ll have some stories for you 🙂

15 thoughts on “A Return to Online Dating

  1. I’ve never done online dating or used dating apps, but I’m definitely having fun reading about your experiences haha! It looks like you’ve done pretty well so far! Haven’t found true love yet, but nothing that sounds epically terrible. And maybe it will be even better in Ottawa!!

    It definitely makes sense that some people would be more engaging in person. I think sometimes personality doesn’t always translate online, people aren’t great with online interaction, they have a force of charisma you can’t feel through text, etc etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh goodness, if you go to my categories section on the right side of my blog and click the “love and things like it” you’ll get TONS of stories hahahhaha!

      Sometimes personality doesn’t translate at all. The guy who I reconncted with and then crashed and burned last May – he was one of them. Online not great and horrible pictures, texting meh, phone calls were great, and then when we finally met in person I had all but written him off as a friend and then he walks up to me this gorgeous, fun to be around, guy and just wow haha so I try to be as open to possibilities as I can.

      But sometimes it’s just a no right from the start. Like on Hinge you do 6 photos and answer 3 of their questions. There’s no “profile” section to just type whatever you want. So if all 6 pictures are the same (or a rotation of the same 2 or 3) and the answers to these questions are like “A typical Sunday: no” like choose a different question and give an answer! Those profiles are a definite PASS!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haha I guess thats the odds you take when dating online, the person could turn out different than expected, for better or for worse!! But yay for being open to possibilities!

        Oh my god if someone was answering like that it would drive me nuts!! Absolute pass. But I mean at least they make it obvious from the start.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Good luck! I’ve said it before, I am so glad I don’t have to go through that process now. It wasn’t easy the first time around and after being married for 37 years, I am sure I would not attempt it again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha it does really suck sometimes! But also my own specific “restrictions” make it more difficult than it would be for a sexually active person. I’ve met some great guys but the waiting to have a sexual relationship is their deal breaker. But its also something that I know within myself that I can’t compromise. So just gotta accept that it will be more difficult haha

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Go girl! Dip that dating toe back in the water, and see what happens… and I love it that you feel stronger and clearer about your goals and what you’re looking for: that’s the good stuff we learn from online dating 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww thanks! There is just this internal thing now inside of me being “ummm hello! Get married! Have a baby!! Lets go” and I think its compounded by the fact that in April I will be 35. So some personal pressure there, but also I know I can’t and won’t settle.

      But also, now that my brother has a gf (first since high school) I think its driving me more? I for sure believe they will get married by next summer lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I felt that pressure when I got to 33, had my son at 34… these weird Covid times make things like ‘family’ & security & togetherness seem even more appealing than before I reckon. I really really hope a good man is coming for you 🙏🏼❤️

        Liked by 1 person

        • The feeling of wanting it was there before covid but I guess it has amplified it. Even if it was just in the sense that I haven’t been open to dating for 18 months and now I’m closer to 35 where there starts to be more of a risk of complications and things haha I really hope so too! 💛

          Liked by 1 person

  4. In the same way the job and move and unit were all in your future – just waiting for the right time – so is The Guy. I reckon give it a few weeks while you settle into life and job and then BANG. There he’ll be. whether it’s someone you have already met or someone you are yet to meet, that’s when he’ll appear. And so say I 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha! The productivity was really just avoiding the massive task of planning for school. Ive been pretty much paralyzed due to lack of information. And its just something I need to accept. But it also meant I sat at my desk in the morning to “work” and blogged instead LOL also made a promise to myself that I’d not watch tv until lunch.

      And thank you!!!! I’m a little upset that my heart has kind of settled on J for the time being haha but my little break from him while he’s visiting family might allow someone else to grab hold of some emotions haha

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: The week gone by — Aug. 29 – A Silly Place

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