Aaron’s word of inspiration this week is lonely.
I have been re-watching a lot of “period dramas” on Netflix lately. With school out and my very valiant attempt to not stress over the fact that I can’t pack anything else until like 2 days before I move, I needed something to distract myself. So Jane Austen type things are my jam. They are sweet without being too over the top romantic, and I have seen all of them at least once so if I maybe get distracted by a conversation on my phone or a good buzzfeed quiz on which summer time drink I am based on the wedding I plan, so it’s not exactly the end of the world.
And one thing that I hear quite often is “I feel I can bare the solitude quite cheerfully” (Charlotte Lucas, Pride and Prejudice) and ya know what, I can totally relate.
And it’s not even in a “I have to get married because it’s 1803 and that’s what women do so my choices are this idiot who will treat me right but ugh what a loser, or this guy who will probs cheat on me all the time and might actually be a drunk and be a problem in the future” type of thing.
I just enjoy being alone. And there is definitely a difference between being alone and being lonely. Even though I am on my own, especially during this pandemic, I don’t really feel lonely. This is why we have phones with chat programs and things like that. I may physically be alone but I am constantly talking to various different people all at once and connecting that way.
Yes, for sure I do miss the socialization part of society and I am very much looking forward to that aspect of life returning now that Ontario is going into phase 3 of it’s reopening plan in a week, it will make having those social interactions a little bit better. And all the people that I want to see are fully vaccinated so we are all ok to see each other.
But I have always been a solitary, lowkey type of person. I kind of felt like I wasted my first year in South Korea. I didn’t live in a major city so if I wanted to do anything then I would have had to travel by subway to get there. And I did, a little bit. But I was also just 23 and the thought of going around this strange country was too much for me. This one time I did go, and took the cousin/her boyfriend of a previous coworker out, I got lost. It was not the best of times.
While there, I honestly would spend most weekends just in my apartment watching tv or streaming stuff on my laptop. I was sick for a lot of the year so going out was not my top priority since I had to rally my energy all week to pretend I wasn’t sick and then on the weekends I would just crash, but it wasn’t even that big of a deal. I enjoyed the quiet weekends in with no stress.
I’m the same now. I do miss seeing my friends and enjoying their company, but also, since we are already so connected, any long term plans usually dissolve into boring conversation because we talk all the time anyway! So why be in that awkward place of being together when the conversation dies instead of just stopping the conversation on whatsapp? LOL
BUUT maybe that is the problem: we are so constantly connected that being alone isn’t really alone and everyone already knows everything so that when you DO get together to do something social, there is nothing new to share to fill the time and space and then no one really wants to do anything?
All I know is that I am quite comfortable not over loading my life with plans and having some downtime just me, or doing things I enjoy by myself, than being forced to include other people.