Sometimes I can’t believe that it’s been a whole year already.
Probably you don’t remember. Sometimes I don’t remember either.
Last year, on May 22nd, I ended a relationship. It wasn’t so much that the relationship ended, it was that I was making a massive change in my life.
You can read about the first blog posting about it here. Basically, I decided that I needed to focus on righting some bad habits in my life. And they were horrible habits. Soul sucking habits. Some that I had been cultivating for over twenty years.
I’m not exactly sure why I decided that in the middle of a pandemic it would be the best time to give up these habits that I had been my vices in times of stress. But I still did it!
In order to get on the right track, I had to take a hiatus from dating. It wasn’t really something that I was fixing but I was choosing horrible partners and I’m sure it was partly because of these bad habits. And yes I am being vague, it’s because I am honestly still 1000000000% ashamed of who I had become and it’s not something that I want to really delve into. Even though this is my blog and my safe space, I still can’t bring myself to really go that far into the openness.
So I took those 100 days and did a few things:
- cut out boys! Such a distraction!!
- cut in the God! Early morning Bible readings, and twice daily prayers (morning and night).
- cut out bad influences who just enable the habits I wanted to break
- cut out the bad habits
It was really simple. Basically throw out all the bad and focus back up on God.
After the 100 days I was DYING to date again. I was ready. And I did have a better focus on the type of guy I wanted/needed in my life in the fall. Even though I haven’t been dating since December due to my summer move, but even if I was dating right now, I think I’d be making better choices.
I am so happy that a full year later, I have kept up my goals that I set out last year. Every morning I wake up and start my day with prayer and Bible reading. I read through the whole Bible (doing 20-30 minutes every morning) and am now reading just one chapter a day. I read it while eating breakfast and then again after I finish eating. And I’ve filled my days, stresses, good times and worries with prayer. It has really helped me to stay focused and about half stressed over my new job and my relocation. PS: there will be an update on the job/relocation as soon as I know for sure what is happening but there has been some BIG developments and I hope that I can share them with you soon. It’s killing me to keep it to myself but I need to for the time being.
I have settled on an online church and am really happy with it. I still send my tithes to the church I was attending for the last three years but this new church feeds my soul better.
And probably most impressive: I have cut out the bad habits that I set out to destroy and have not relapsed at all. From my choice last year to now, I have never gone back to them. And I’m not sure why it worked this time, because I had tried to get out of them so many many times but it never was permanent. I am so proud of myself. And I know you would be too if you knew all the details so let’s just pretend and you tell me that you’re proud of me! Awwww thank you so much! That’s so sweet!
So yes! One year later and my struggles have become new better habits! YAY!