Sunday Scribblings #49

Aaron’s word of inspiration this week is juggle.

Aaron posts his word of the week every Wednesday in preparation for the Sunday post. I see it every Wednesday and then I leave it in my email and try to focus at least a moment of thought on it each day.

This week there have been a lot of thoughts in my head about this topic and what the word “juggle” means to me. I have been juggling these ideas for a post since Wednesday haha….yes bad joke, I know.

But honestly what it comes down to this morning as I try to write this out before my online church service starts, is that, I’m juggling a lot of stress right now. It’s like it all popped up all at once.

For one thing, this stupid pandemic! UGH Like the people of Ontario are sucking at keeping to the rules, and ya know what, some people really are trying their best! But our government is the worst and we aren’t getting vaccines. And if I hear the phrase “shots into arms” ONE MORE FREAKING TIME I swear I’m going to scream!

Like yes, we need vaccines! And yes, I understand that those people who are older are more at risk of dire health concerns. But why are we sending thousands and thousands of vaccines to little country towns where only retired farmers live when places like Toronto are over run with positive cases and the virus is spreading like wild fire, all because we have this demographic of factory workers who are becoming infected and causing outbreaks in their work places, and then subsequently their homes and communities, but they have to stay open because we need things like meat processing plants and post office sorting facilities to stay open?! Like I personally don’t get it!

And then there’s work: we are open and then closed and open and closed. And since the new fire doors were installed at my place of residence, the wifi is lame. Even with the extender I bought! So my signal is weak and keeps freezing, especially in the afternoon once people wake up and also start using it. And feeling like I’m sucking as a teacher online because I am confined to one little corner of my bedroom and having to be respectful of other’s while they are sleeping etc. And just the planning of it all.

And then there’s my new job. It’s the middle of April and no new interviews yet. I am praying every day about it. I know that God has a plan for me, and that I will end up wherever he wants me to be. But then I also start to second guess myself over the two interviews that I did have, both which basically made an offer at the end of it. And both didn’t sit right in my gut so I passed on them. There were important reasons to pass but it still doesn’t make the stress I’m feeling now any less lol. But I am trusting in God and trying to be patient but I am human and this is a weak spot for me. I’ve only just repaired my relationship with God and really having that trust in him daily is a struggle for me. I keep falling back on how I used to live and I’m trying not to do that as well. And then I start to think, maybe if I wasn’t falling back on some of the old habits, maybe I would be getting more interviews. But I can’t think like that! That’s not right.

And then there’s the living situation. Things here are getting worse and worse the closer to the summer it gets. Like my brain knows it’s leaving soon. Like 2.5-3.5 months left! And that’s nothing!!! I can easily do that! But because I know that’s the end now I am being annoyed by everything so much more than before. And having to pack up and move AGAIN?! I have the funds now to do it, so no problem there. But I’m leaving the city which means I need to relocate all my things to another city. Which means renting a cargo van at the very least and dismantling everything in my room so I can fit it in the smallest van possible so I can actually drive it to my new location. And having to find a new place to live in a pandemic? That’s even more stressful. And of course, I want to report my landlord to the Landlord and Tenant Board when I leave, so more stress. And she said in February in a text (that I saved) that I can leave at any time and she will refund my last month’s rent, but I still feel like I need to give her proper notice before I leave. So I’d love to say on May first that I will be gone by the end of June, or on June first being gone by the end of July. But I can’t make those choices until I have a job lined up!

Of course, then there’s family stress and dating stress and friend stress and possible money stress and all the other areas of life stress.

This week was spring break and I legit did NOTHING! I had a few plans of things that I wanted to get done in my place, and I did accomplish at least one of them! But mostly I just sat in my chair and watched tv and fought off headaches and the desire to sleep all day long. Thankfully today is better and I am feeling like I have at least a little bit of energy, and no headache yet!

It’s been a lot and I’m sorry for exploding all over you but at least it’s out there and not in my brain any longer!

7 thoughts on “Sunday Scribblings #49

  1. Pingback: Juggle | The Confusing Middle

  2. Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what you need – it gives your body a chance to rest and recover. I’m sure things are going to work out, it’s just that horrid period in-between where nothing has fallen in to place and you’re tired of waiting. I get it. We’ve all been there. Hang in there, T, there are definitely good things coming xx

    Liked by 1 person

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