Your opinions and advice were heard.
Written on Sunday: So after my post on Saturday about E, I started to really think about things more. And later that night, I reached out and we had a good chat.
We hadn’t talked in over two days, and the last time we spoke, it was the “what if I married someone else?” and “we could have a business arrangement” conversation. Which I personally didn’t like. I didn’t like that he brought either option up – even if they were options for him.
A few of you gave support which was amazing, and some of you gave actual immigration advice, and that was much appreciated and put some things into perspective. So thank you all who commented.
It basically came down to this: I don’t want to second guess his motives. That is the one thing that is holding me back right now from allowing myself to completely fall for him. AND I don’t like the idea of him being here illegally.
I took my time to think, and he gave me the space when asked, and I truly appreciate that. When I was ready, I reached out. I told him how I felt and that I didn’t know where we were going to go from here. When I asked a bit ago what would happen if he had to go back home, he said we could remain friends and I could go visit him. Not exactly the answer I was going for so this time I was more direct.
I told him exactly how the conversation made me feel last week, and how it wasn’t fair to bring it up. And how I was concerned over his tourist visa running out and I didn’t want him to do anything illegal just to stay and how that could affect his chances in the future of actually getting a permanent residence deal or even a spousal visa. And how even though he thinks that getting married will solve things, it takes a lot of time and it doesn’t guarantee that he would be granted a spousal sponsorship anyway (thanks Frede for that information!)
And he understood, apologized, and we talked about it. Now I understand a little bit more about his history and he is actually here on a work visa not a tourist one. He’s been getting them every year for about 9 years now. And we agreed that if he does have to go back, we would stay together which does kind of put my mind at ease a little bit, but there is still a little bit of ugh in there. Not sure why, but there’s just something that is bothering me.
So for now, we are together and trying to get back to where we were before in terms of good conversation and light flirtiness, because it was our first really deep and serious conversation. It was all through text since my throat and voice were trashed over the weekend and I was trying to rest them and let them heal before work on Monday. But at least it allowed us to be honest about what was going on. And we have agreed no more marriage talk for a while.
As for the visa – for now it’s ok. He’s calling lawyers and trying to figure it out. BUT if he decides to stay when he’s not supposed to then I will have to end things. I wouldn’t want to be part of that. It would suck if he would have to go back to Jamaica, but also it would be better and we could at least deal with it. Instead of whatever might happen should he stay illegally and get caught.
I’m glad that we are now fully into our second lockdown in Toronto. It means that we can’t plan anything together since we aren’t in the same household, and we are forced to just text/call to communicate. We will be able to continue to get to know each other through conversation and I can judge his character and consistency over the next few weeks.
As for me – I think I will try to step up my blogging a little bit. Having this space to fully articulate my feelings and concerns helped a lot when trying to sort out my own feelings. So it might not be a lot of posts, but I will try to schedule more – like this post 🙂
Written on Tuesday: Well it’s basically over. We spoke on the phone Monday evening and he straight up annoyed me. We were texting Saturday and Sunday and he said he would answer a few questions on Monday when we spoke. Complicated questions need spoken answers I think. So when Monday arrived, I didn’t remember the questions and he said he didn’t either and then 5 minutes later he knew WORD FOR WORD our conversation from the weekend?! So at first he didn’t remember what he said he’d tell me but then oh magically he can now tell me word for word? UGH. Then he was answering and speaking in like short halted sentences to make sure I heard/understood him. Which I had trouble doing cos he was playing music in the background. I asked him to turn it down, which he did but still loud and annoying. Then his answers were so crazy! And he doesn’t appear to be in any sort of rush to get any info on changing his visa end date. He has a lawyer’s number and didn’t get him the one time he called and just hasn’t called back yet? Like WHAT? That was enough to push me over the edge. NOW I’m questioning his intent and motives. So I haven’t talked to him at all today. He just sent a hello message but I’m not answering for a bit. He either needs to change my mind completely or something. But as of right now, the doubt has been hatched and that’s a hard thing for me to get over with the online dating world.
Written on Tuesday a few hours later: he apparently heard back from said lawyer to book an appointment with him.