I love when important days during a challenge fall on days that I want to write.
Today is day 50 of my 100-days of Jesus that I set out for myself.
For those who are new, or missed when I said what I am doing, I had a string of bad relationships and bad life choices. Honestly some of those choices were made for 20 years.
When I ended my last romantic connection, I was right on the verge of calling it quits and I prayed that if I got a good response from a text in the morning, I wouldn’t give up on us. But if it wasn’t what I needed, which I felt it wasn’t going to be, then I was going to take 100 days without any romantic entanglements to focus on my spiritual life.
Obviously, we all know since I’m on day 50 that I didn’t get a good response. I actually didn’t get any response to my question at all. So I took that day to end things with the man and then Day 1 started the day after.
I have cut a lot of habitual sins out of my life since May 22nd, and I can feel the change in my own personality. Which is great.
I used to be what I can describe as a “Sunday Christian”. Which is a bad thing – I would go to church on Sunday but the rest of the week was like whatever and I would just live myself the way that felt good to me and gave me validation and happiness in worldly things – not from my walk with God.
So that has changed. I have time each day devoted to prayer and bible reading, I have started to re-read (for the fourth time) a book called “The King’s Daughter: becoming the woman God created you to be”. I bought it for a bible study group when I was 18 or 19 and have never made it through once. I think I got as far as chapter 4 or 6. Who knows! But I’m delving into it now. Just started it on Thursday.
It hasn’t been easy to get to this 50 day mark, but it’s been worth it. I still struggle a lot with patterns that have literally been in my life for 20 years, but I am being honest with myself and with God for the first time in my life. I have never sought after a relationship with him. Even though I have been brought up in a church environment since I was 2 years old. I’ve been working through a lot of resentments for those years.
But I truly believe that when I fix my relationship with God, I can fix my relationships with men and find the one that God has designed for me.
Here’s to the next 50 days!