As mentioned in my second 30-Day Yoga update.
My darling AJ reminded me in the comments of my yoga update post that I was going to write about something sad that happened. The thing is, since I’m doing yoga after work and then making a little post about it, I haven’t been blogging as well. So here I am, Sunday morning, almost a full week after day 19 and I’m just starting to sit down and work on my whole list of posts that I wanted to write instead of going to church. I decided to write them down on paper beside my bed. That way I see them every day and am reminded that I DO have words to say and share, but I am just being lazy and not doing it.
Like I said: it’s Sunday (and y’all are reading this on Tuesday). Last Monday I was on the bus coming home from work and I was earlier than I normally am and I ran into the PSW that works with my old nanny family. For those new around here, I used to be a nanny for three years to some great kids. They provided housing for me and were the reason I moved to Toronto. I was part of their family.
Anyway, we were chatting and she PSW works with the granny of the family who I adopted. And I asked if the granny had moved back over to the house where I was staying since they spent all summer renovating it for the auntie and granny to move in there.
She said no that the granny had been moved into the main house with the main family. Ok, cool. That works.
But what she said next was what hit me: but ya know it’s better now anyway since auntie’s passing.
UM EXCUSE ME!?!
The eldest auntie lived with the granny. They both had health problems, both unmarried (granny widowed) and they were each other’s support system. The auntie had been in and out of the hospital the whole three years I was there, and basically since last Christmas, at least once a month was there. And in the summer she went in and didn’t come out. She had lots of health problems.
She passed over TWO WEEKS AGO. And the funeral had been literally two days before the conversation.
So I’m trying to hold it together on the bus because this was the first that I had heard of it. Not only had someone I had lived with for over a year died, but a family that I was part of, that called me their own family, who I actually loved, didn’t tell me.
Three out of the 4 children have my cell phone number. They all have my email. The mom has cell and my email, same with the dad. Both of the other aunties have my phone number. A cousin has my Instagram. The other people working there have my phone number and whatsapp. The students who stay there during the year have my number.
This whole tribe of people I have known for three years and not a single person let me know. Not. A. Single. One.
Not only was I dealing with my grief over the loss of a beautiful life, but also with the fact that in just a few short months I seem to have been cut from the circle. I haven’t talked to any of them since the last days of October when I went for 4th’s birthday and waited for over an hour and no one was home, but I still would have thought that I would have been included in such news.
And ya know what, that kind of hurts more than the knowledge of the death. She had a lot of struggles and life was hard for her. Now she can be at peace. But I still have this icky feeling in the bottom of my own heart.
But it does fit with what one of the summer students told me – she was there for 6 weeks and we are in better contact than the people I lived with for three years. After she went home she sent a few emails to the mom to stay in contact but the mom never replied. Yet every time I would said “I was talking to her over the weekend, she says hi!” the mom would be all “OH HOW NICE! That’s so sweet! Tell her we say hi too!”