The Sad News Post

As mentioned in my second 30-Day Yoga update.

My darling AJ reminded me in the comments of my yoga update post that I was going to write about something sad that happened. The thing is, since I’m doing yoga after work and then making a little post about it, I haven’t been blogging as well. So here I am, Sunday morning, almost a full week after day 19 and I’m just starting to sit down and work on my whole list of posts that I wanted to write instead of going to church. I decided to write them down on paper beside my bed. That way I see them every day and am reminded that I DO have words to say and share, but I am just being lazy and not doing it.

Like I said: it’s Sunday (and y’all are reading this on Tuesday). Last Monday I was on the bus coming home from work and I was earlier than I normally am and I ran into the PSW that works with my old nanny family. For those new around here, I used to be a nanny for three years to some great kids. They provided housing for me and were the reason I moved to Toronto. I was part of their family.

Anyway, we were chatting and she PSW works with the granny of the family who I adopted. And I asked if the granny had moved back over to the house where I was staying since they spent all summer renovating it for the auntie and granny to move in there.

She said no that the granny had been moved into the main house with the main family. Ok, cool. That works.

But what she said next was what hit me: but ya know it’s better now anyway since auntie’s passing.

UM EXCUSE ME!?!

The eldest auntie lived with the granny. They both had health problems, both unmarried (granny widowed) and they were each other’s support system. The auntie had been in and out of the hospital the whole three years I was there, and basically since last Christmas, at least once a month was there. And in the summer she went in and didn’t come out. She had lots of health problems.

She passed over TWO WEEKS AGO. And the funeral had been literally two days before the conversation.

So I’m trying to hold it together on the bus because this was the first that I had heard of it. Not only had someone I had lived with for over a year died, but a family that I was part of, that called me their own family, who I actually loved, didn’t tell me.

Three out of the 4 children have my cell phone number. They all have my email. The mom has cell and my email, same with the dad. Both of the other aunties have my phone number. A cousin has my Instagram. The other people working there have my phone number and whatsapp. The students who stay there during the year have my number.

This whole tribe of people I have known for three years and not a single person let me know. Not. A. Single. One.

Not only was I dealing with my grief over the loss of a beautiful life, but also with the fact that in just a few short months I seem to have been cut from the circle. I haven’t talked to any of them since the last days of October when I went for 4th’s birthday and waited for over an hour and no one was home, but I still would have thought that I would have been included in such news.

And ya know what, that kind of hurts more than the knowledge of the death. She had a lot of struggles and life was hard for her. Now she can be at peace. But I still have this icky feeling in the bottom of my own heart.

But it does fit with what one of the summer students told me – she was there for 6 weeks and we are in better contact than the people I lived with for three years. After she went home she sent a few emails to the mom to stay in contact but the mom never replied. Yet every time I would said “I was talking to her over the weekend, she says hi!” the mom would be all “OH HOW NICE! That’s so sweet! Tell her we say hi too!”

19 thoughts on “The Sad News Post

  1. Oh, that is so sad, T. I’m sorry for your losses…losing someone you knew and losing a family you thought cared.That is really tough. To find out that way 😦 I know it isn’t any consolation, but past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour, and sadly I think they’re a classic case. (((hugs)))

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    • I think this woman I worked for, the mom, is so concerned about her public image, that the rest of her socialization and humanness have been over looked for this outward picture of perfection. She has a maid who cleans her house LITERALLY 5 days a week. Floors, dusts, etc. Because she can’t have it messy (with 4 kids, 2 dogs, 2 birds, and 5 international students living there?!?) and she has this image of being so well put together and such a great mom with good relationships with her kids and all that but at home she’s never around her kids, she’s in her office, she doesn’t interact with people, one trip to the mall exhausts her (that could be partly from legitimate medical issues she has but still). After having almost a year away from that family I have so many resentments bubbling up little by little. Some where there before but I just didn’t realize how deep they were

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        • Im sure she is being herself – it’s just a “put on a show” version of herself. But even then, it’s a pretty selfish way to live because she’s not even there for her kids. She’d spend hours watching YouTube videos of hair styles and her kids would be at home doing homework or playing and she’s just in her office.

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            • Once I was there on a Saturday and the students started coming at 12 for lunch. She had me go to the store and get some groceries Cos she wanted to cook. So I’m back by 12:30, she’s still in her room (like she hasn’t been out at all/still waking up etc), the students are still waiting, her own kids still hungry. Then I had to take a child somewhere. I get back and it’s 2!! She is STILL IN HER ROOM! so I made what she was going to make. People eat, she comes down at 2:30 “thank you but I said I wanted to cook” with a hand on my shoulder as if being like “I can’t believe you did that” and I’m like “the students were hungry and had waited since 12. So I cooked” “well thanks but I really wanted to cook” 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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