Alright my loves, give your opinion on something for me because I am in the middle of an emotional conundrum. I’m writing this on Saturday so it might be resolved by the time you read this but I also don’t want to post twice on one day and nothing for the rest of the week so it’s being scheduled!
So the person I posted about last time, the one I was feeling super comfortable with and might just be a week or two of good conversation, well there was a development.
Most of you know I’ve only been in love once. And with someone I met on my blog. We never met in person so some people are confused about how I could love him, but that doesn’t matter. We had built a friendship which turned into something so very deep for me. I think part of why it turned into something so deep and real was that I was able to be my truest self on my blog and in our comment exchanges which turned to emails then whatsapp chat then phone calls. He knew literally everything about me. And that had never happened before. He even knew things that I don’t share on here (and those are like the deepest darkest parts of me).
So with The Musician (let’s call him that because that’s what he is), it was kind of the same. I don’t know what made me be SO open and fully my truest self with him basically from day one. I formed a deep bond very quickly with him. And I kept checking in like “this is who I am, are you ok with that?” he kept saying that yes he understood and that it was all good.
On Tuesday we made plans to meet up on Saturday (aka the day I’m writing this) and then on Wednesday we were having a sassy flirty conversation after I was done work and he mentioned something about our meet up. I thought he was joking so I played it off and he was all “not interested.” I asked for clarification and was more confused so I was all “ok, I think there has been a misunderstanding. I just want to be clear:” and stated my position. At the end he was like “ok – not interested”
I was CRUSHED! Like I was always falling for this person, turned off my notifications for the dating app I met him on, I had told a few friends and I really thought I had found someone who I could be my true self with and who was ok with what that meant (for those new around this place, I’m Christian and am saving sex for marriage, which is basically the main issue here but not all of what I’m talking about).
So I made a firm final statement of how I was confused because it was totally fine before and now all of a sudden he’s not interested and said bye. He said “sorry Goodbye”
Then Friday night rolls around and HE MESSAGES ME ON THE APP! Didn’t send a text, but messaged me on the app!! Maybe he thought I would have blocked his texts but I was like “….” he asked me to text him and then he just said hi. I told him I’m not in the mood for small talk and that I was going to bed (I was) and that if he had something to say, say it and I’d read it in the morning. I really wanted to just cuss him out right there but I decided not to. He said ok. And I woke up to this message:
So I have replied “for?”
Now here is the issue: I’m a second chance person. There is a full possibility that he was confused at my intentions the whole time because I am, admittedly, a sassy flirt with the majority of people I meet. And if I find that person attractive, it intensifies. So sure there is a SMALL possibility that he could have thought I was saying one thing but really just playing coy. That is a possibility.
There is also a possibiltiy that he realizes that I’m amazing (I am) and that I’d be a great girlfriend that would lead to a great wife (I think so!) and that he made a huge mistake and messed up something amazing (he did!) and now he really wants to apologize for it.
The third possibility that I have come up with is that he was just lonely on a Friday night, saw I was online and decided to see if I’d be all flirty with him to fill in some time.
3 of my friends know some of what went down between us. One (who knows 100% of everything) thinks I shouldn’t have even replied. He says that this guy is lucky that I will even speak to him and that I should just date my friend instead (he’s not an option at all so please don’t suggest it). One doesn’t like him but if he’s actually sorry she is willing to follow my judgement and be ok with him (she knows the least amount) and one just is like “men are ass holes and he’s a dumb fuckboi and omg gurl let him die and rot a thousand deaths”.
And here I am waiting for a reply from him to see what exactly it is that he wants. Because I am a second chance person. I always want to believe the best in people. I hate cutting people off completely. Even The Guy from the summer is going to get a birthday message on the 25th when it’s his birthday! Like I just can’t cut people out unless they do something so horrible that I can’t look past it. If that person happens to evoke such strong emotions in myself like The Musician, it’s hard for me to just walk away from them because obviously there was something special there that isn’t there with other men.
Thoughts? Opinions? I know it’s one side of the story, and you won’t be getting his (sorries) and it’s not a lot of information to go on. But what do you say? Would you give a second chance to someone (if that’s what he’s even looking for)? Would you hear him out? Would you just like tell him to go jump off a bridge?