Second Chances

sorry matt leblanc GIF

Alright my loves, give your opinion on something for me because I am in the middle of an emotional conundrum. I’m writing this on Saturday so it might be resolved by the time you read this but I also don’t want to post twice on one day and nothing for the rest of the week so it’s being scheduled!

So the person I posted about last time, the one I was feeling super comfortable with and might just be a week or two of good conversation, well there was a development.

Most of you know I’ve only been in love once. And with someone I met on my blog. We never met in person so some people are confused about how I could love him, but that doesn’t matter. We had built a friendship which turned into something so very deep for me. I think part of why it turned into something so deep and real was that I was able to be my truest self on my blog and in our comment exchanges which turned to emails then whatsapp chat then phone calls. He knew literally everything about me. And that had never happened before. He even knew things that I don’t share on here (and those are like the deepest darkest parts of me).

So with The Musician (let’s call him that because that’s what he is), it was kind of the same. I don’t know what made me be SO open and fully my truest self with him basically from day one. I formed a deep bond very quickly with him. And I kept checking in like “this is who I am, are you ok with that?” he kept saying that yes he understood and that it was all good.

On Tuesday we made plans to meet up on Saturday (aka the day I’m writing this) and then on Wednesday we were having a sassy flirty conversation after I was done work and he mentioned something about our meet up. I thought he was joking so I played it off and he was all “not interested.” I asked for clarification and was more confused so I was all “ok, I think there has been a misunderstanding. I just want to be clear:” and stated my position. At the end he was like “ok – not interested”

I was CRUSHED! Like I was always falling for this person, turned off my notifications for the dating app I met him on, I had told a few friends and I really thought I had found someone who I could be my true self with and who was ok with what that meant (for those new around this place, I’m Christian and am saving sex for marriage, which is basically the main issue here but not all of what I’m talking about).

So I made a firm final statement of how I was confused because it was totally fine before and now all of a sudden he’s not interested and said bye. He said “sorry Goodbye”

Then Friday night rolls around and HE MESSAGES ME ON THE APP! Didn’t send a text, but messaged me on the app!! Maybe he thought I would have blocked his texts but I was like “….” he asked me to text him and then he just said hi. I told him I’m not in the mood for small talk and that I was going to bed (I was) and that if he had something to say, say it and I’d read it in the morning. I really wanted to just cuss him out right there but I decided not to. He said ok. And I woke up to this message:

Sorry

So I have replied “for?”

Now here is the issue: I’m a second chance person. There is a full possibility that he was confused at my intentions the whole time because I am, admittedly, a sassy flirt with the majority of people I meet. And if I find that person attractive, it intensifies. So sure there is a SMALL possibility that he could have thought I was saying one thing but really just playing coy. That is a possibility.

There is also a possibiltiy that he realizes that I’m amazing (I am) and that I’d be a great girlfriend that would lead to a great wife (I think so!) and that he made a huge mistake and messed up something amazing (he did!) and now he really wants to apologize for it.

The third possibility that I have come up with is that he was just lonely on a Friday night, saw I was online and decided to see if I’d be all flirty with him to fill in some time.

3 of my friends know some of what went down between us. One (who knows 100% of everything) thinks I shouldn’t have even replied. He says that this guy is lucky that I will even speak to him and that I should just date my friend instead (he’s not an option at all so please don’t suggest it). One doesn’t like him but if he’s actually sorry she is willing to follow my judgement and be ok with him (she knows the least amount) and one just is like “men are ass holes and he’s a dumb fuckboi and omg gurl let him die and rot a thousand deaths”.

And here I am waiting for a reply from him to see what exactly it is that he wants. Because I am a second chance person. I always want to believe the best in people. I hate cutting people off completely. Even The Guy from the summer is going to get a birthday message on the 25th when it’s his birthday! Like I just can’t cut people out unless they do something so horrible that I can’t look past it. If that person happens to evoke such strong emotions in myself like The Musician, it’s hard for me to just walk away from them because obviously there was something special there that isn’t there with other men.

Thoughts? Opinions? I know it’s one side of the story, and you won’t be getting his (sorries) and it’s not a lot of information to go on. But what do you say? Would you give a second chance to someone (if that’s what he’s even looking for)? Would you hear him out? Would you just like tell him to go jump off a bridge?

23 thoughts on “Second Chances

  1. Well, there’s not a lot to go on… But if he said he was not interested after you mentioned the no sex before marriage thing, I’m not sure I’d give him a second chance. He might be a good guy, but sex is something people usually feel strongly about. If he is not willing to wait for you while you’re just starting to know each other, he might not want to wait at all. What if he becomes pushy down the line? Although I’m sure you are not the kind of girl who would be easily pushed around!

    I think the best way forward would be to see what he has to say, check that his apology is sincere, and see if the issue is something you can solve/agree about. If it is and you trust him about it, why not give him a second chance? Trust your gut!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Dating apps require you to be a bit heartless. You can’t stay in contact with every person you have some conversation with. If you and he and not on the same wavelength, especially when it comes to important topics like sex, religion, kid, etc, then don’t waste your time.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I have a male friend who says that most men would be using online forms of dating in order to find women to fool around with. I think some of my female friends are hoping to meet a special someone to click with and perhaps for that to lead to something permanent. But my male friend reckons a high percentage of men will just be wanting casual hook-ups.

    I know his comments are kind of generalism, but I think he may be saying it as a warning to damsels like moi, who do not want to end up on some bloke’s score card. I steer clear of dating apps. Even on WP, I had a few random strangers who were very chatty with me, tell me they wanted to advance things and get to know me better.

    That’s an absolute no for me. But it was an eye-opener. I didn’t know whether to view it as a potential threat to my security, someone pulling my leg as a joke or someone who just did not get out much deciding to develop a crush on a blogger.

    Anyway, I hope you stay safe, happy and healthy. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Like

  4. Okay, so I gather there’s an update coming…so I won’t worry about ratfink (until I hear otherwise), but will comment on the “not letting go” thing. This may get long (sorry).

    I’m old enough *sigh* so be able to talk about pre- and post- social media. I think the inability to let go isn’t just you, T, but a ramification of social media. Facebook et al started and suddenly everyone could track down people from their past. And they did. My question is why?

    In the normal course of life pre-social media, people came and went in your life. Some you were happy to see go, others you weren’t. But it was the way of life. You couldn’t possibly stay in touch with everyone when you had to contact them individually. So what you did was be selective. You remembered those you really wanted to remain in contact with and put in the effort.

    Now you can be in contact with hundreds, or thousands, with one short tweet (or insert social media of choice here). Rather than being forced to move on from relationships, whether they be friend, lover, work colleague, acquaintance, there seems to be an almost social obligation to retain them in your social networks.

    Even for someone who has lived through a time without social media I feel it. But I have made a conscience decision to try not to let it change me. I had a friend once tell me she was “so sorry for me” – said in a very distraught tone. Why? Because I wasn’t on facebook and hadn’t reconnected with all the people we went to school with.

    She couldn’t understand I was perfectly happy with the friends I had now. And while I think back to those school day friends with a smile, I don’t need those people in my life.

    Long winded I know, but what I am trying to say, T, is that you need to start letting go. It isn’t cutting them out, it’s moving on with your life. Someone doesn’t have to do something horrid for you to be able to move on. Unless you are friends and have a meaningful relationship, what does a msg on their birthday really mean? Especially if you hardly ever reach out otherwise.

    Don’t let social media create an environment for you, create one for yourself.

    (Eeeps, *really* long, sorry)

    Liked by 3 people

    • I do know I need to start letting go. I went to clean out my facebook friends and I literally deleted like 2 people! I guess the social media thing has done a number on our brains. Like I never talk to the people on there, or at least the majority of them. But my brain is all “what if they see that I’ve deleted them and are upset” its hard to make that disconnect between people. Thankfully with guys from online dating it’s getting so easy to just cut them out and be done. Even in just chatting. “It’s been nice but I don’t want to take this any further. All the best” and it’s done. But when there is a connection, even just the smallest bit it’s hard to cut people out for me. Thankfully, while it’s very hard for me to just cut someone out or not be nice to someone, if they do something bad it is very easy for me to just be like “ok bye”. Like with this person. I can understand where he got the wrong idea about things to a certain extent but not the whole thing. It’s been cleared up though 😉 don’t worry!!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Already looking forward to the update on Wednesday. But… outside looking in, it reads to me like he’s just trying to keep you on the hook. Like he’s sort of interested, but not really, and he knows you were interested, so it made him feel good about himself to have you being interested in him…? Am I way off? Don’t listen to me, I haven’t been on a date in nearly two years.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Lemme just say, I started reading the update post, but was lost in the sauce, so went backwards to this post, which I had not read yet. Now that I have, I’m even more intrigued. So please excuse me while I jump back to the update… 😂. I’m on the edge of my seat here and must know what happened next! See you over there! Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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