How do you feel about the blogging experience?
Do you feel like it’s this authentic thing? Like you’re actually connected to it? As a growing, living thing, that you are responsible for?
I used to feel like that. I used to be excited about blogging. I used to blog every single day. I used to feel off if I didn’t blog at least a little something.
But it’s been a long time since I felt that way, and honestly, I miss it. I miss that creative outlet that I had in my life, that made my brain work and offered a small bit of solace in my life and a way to sort out what was in my mind.
I miss the connections that I used to have with people. I miss being able to come here and have that community that I used to have. But it’s not completely all gone – and for those who have stuck around, I am eternally grateful.
There is just something so special about the bond that comes from blogging – it’s a place where you get to be completely vulnerable and open with your own thoughts and feelings. You get to be whomever you want and get to experience life in whatever way that you want. That’s the beauty of an online presence – and especially one like mine where I live in obscurity to most of my readers. It is a really amazing feeling to be able to be as free and open as I want, knowing that if anyone is going to judge me, it doesn’t really matter because they don’t know me and I don’t have to face them.
But then, there is the downside to being so open and vulnerable – you share your emotions. That was exactly why I started this blog. It was for me to use as a diary of sorts to get through a really difficult time of transition in my life. It helped so much to just be able to get things out of my mind and organized a bit. I never expected the followers to come, but they did. And I never expected the bonds that I have formed with people, but I cherish them! Sometimes the bonds were too much to handle and real feelings develop there – sometimes feelings I wasn’t prepared for and ones that totally took over my heart.
When those formed, and I was forced to break them because they weren’t reciprocated, I feel like I pulled away from my blog. I didn’t want that to happen again, this whole experience just reminded me of that person and the connection that we shared. But I want to get back into blogging. It’s been over a year now and I want to be able to write again like I used to! I need to make time for it again.
Yesterday, I decided to do something I thought I would never do: I deleted a lot of my followers. It’s something that sounds ridiculous to bloggers, I know. The main point is to build a following and get your words out there. That’s been great! But I also miss the authentic connection that I get from the real connections.
So I went into my followers’ list and decided that anyone I didn’t have a connection with was no longer going to be following my blog. I started off with 1273 followers. I knew that quite a few of those people would be spam accounts or commercial blogs that I didn’t need following me.
I made sure to scroll all the way down to the bottom of my list. It took about an hour before my web browser stopped adding more names to “the end” of the list (I’d delete a whole bunch and it would make room for more at the bottom of the list), but I finally got down to the very first follower (November 3rd, 2015!) and started from the bottom and worked my way to the most recent. When it was all said and done, I had invested about 3 hours into it and have dropped myself down to 63 followers. I literally cut 1,200 people from this blog.
I did make at least one cut unintentionally! I was distracted and hit the remove button while my browser readjusted itself and that person has been contacted. I hope it’s the only mistake I made. I have no way of knowing who else might have been cut by a slip of my finger. So if you’ve noticed that you’re no longer following this blog and you actually wanted to, please feel free to add yourself back on! I’m sure there is more than one mistake that happened.
But now it’s just up to the future how many followers this blog will have! I will be more on top of things going forward, and any commercial blogs will probably be removed right away, but I’m excited to be starting with an almost clean slate, and only bringing those who make this my happy space along.