Christmas Reflections

grinch who stole christmas GIF

Christmas is always my favourite holiday. I think it always has been. It holds first place with my birthday but apparently I can’t say my birthday is a holiday…when it gosh darn should be!

Anyway, this year, I have not been feeling very Christmasy. And I’m not sure why? There could be a few reasons, or a combination of them all, but I’m just not sure and it’s got me really feeling down.

First of all, I’ve been sick and exhausted. Like really, I got to my parents’ place Saturday evening and did nothing until a short shopping trip with my brother on Monday (which I could barely lift my feet in my winter boots I was so exhausted) and then church Tuesday evening. I slept 10 hours at night and then had to take a nap in the afternoon. It was both amazing and sucky. I was getting over a cold I’ve had for a while, and I think I’ve almost got my real voice back – a sound I haven’t heard in about six weeks.

It could also be that it’s a green Christmas. Its damp and windy today, and the streets are covered in dirt and salt and sand – not a single piece of clean white snow to be seen anywhere! There are a few small patches of brown gross ice that just hasn’t broken up yet though…

Perhaps it’s the fact that I only asked for gift cards and I knew that’s what I was getting. There was no mystery, no “oooo I wonder what they got me!” when I arrived to the Christmas tree yesterday morning. Or the fact that every year I fight with my brother because he hates the gift aspect of it all and now I feel like that’s starting to rub off on me. I’m usually disappointed because my mom decides to get me things she likes, not what I would like – so I’m starting to see his logic in just getting rid of the gifts all together. I tried to start that when I returned from my first contract in South Korea but the idea was no met well.

Or maybe it’s that I’m upset over my mom’s gift not arriving in time for Christmas? It arrived at an airport in California on December 9th and then didn’t get released to Canada Post until the 21st!!! LIKE COME ON! So it’s still in transit somewhere, I’m sure it will arrive at my PO Box either today or Monday and then I have to ship it to my mom afterwards. That’s super great.

Of course, it could also be the fact that I’m at home for 10 days. Like I was ready to go back to Toronto yesterday. But I’m with my parents until Wednesday. That’s the only downfall to coming with my brother – I don’t have to rent a car for a whole bunch of days or drive in the snow, but I also don’t have control over my travel days. I’m hoping to get a lot of writing done and have some posts scheduled for the new year.

So yeah, this is kind of a whiny, complainy post, but for the first time in what I think could be my entire life, I just wasn’t excited for Christmas. And realizing that I wasn’t excited for Christmas made it even worse because now I’m sad I wasn’t excited for Christmas.

15 thoughts on “Christmas Reflections

  1. I can relate to your post in so many ways that I could have written it! I came home sick too, except my parents’ house is in southern Ontario. My mom gets me presents that she likes. Whenever I ask for something I want, she always says no. Then she expects me to be super grateful for the next month, thanking her every single day for how grateful I am (so childish). But the thing is, she is an extremely toxic person and I don’t get along with her. After 8 days of being stuck at her house, I was so ready to leave! Gift cards are still better than physical items I think. At least you can buy yourself things you want.

    I didn’t know your mom lives in California. Did you grow up there?


    • Lol my mom doesn’t live in California – her gift was being sent from there to here because the company I bought it from is there 😂

      My parents live out near London, Ontario.

      My mom is kind of the same. I’ve written about our relationship here a few times way in the past. I’m working to make it better but it’s hard.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh okay. I was gonna suggest moving to California because it’s so much warmer there. I’m currently in Richmond Hill but my parents live in KW. I’m actually very angry at my parents for throwing out my sentimental stuff without asking. I SOOOO wanna write a rant about that! Haven’t really had time to blog though, being sick and everything. Maybe when I’m back in Calgary and have time to write I will. Yes, I totally understand where you’re coming from about having a difficult relationship with your mom. It’s incredibly hard for me to like my parents.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Lol omg id hate the hot weather there! But I do have a friend who lives in California and anytime it gets too cold here I tell him I’m moving in so to meet me at the airport 😂

          I grew up in KW, born and raised there basically. My parents retired out to Huron County (Goderich area) so that’s where I am for the holidays but I live in Toronto lol

          My mom almost got rid of a few cute Christmas things so I just took them from her donation box and put them into my suitcase haha I love my parents but it’s hard for me to be around my mom a lot. It’s a work in progress with us


  2. Your mom sounds like my husband a bit. He used to get me things that he thought were cool (like a vacuum food sealer or a water fizzer) but not things that I wanted. Now I get pictures of what I want, tell him what store they are in and give him coupons. I usually get at least some of the things I want – LOL. I know that Christmas is a stressful holiday for many and it really shouldn’t be that way. Hoping you can last the rest of your visit without too much difficulty and that you get rested.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry your Christmas wasn’t as cheery this year, T. Here’s a little trick I use on Fella… As much as I love the guy, he sucks at gift-giving. I either know exactly what I’m getting and love it, or he gives me something that completely misses the mark. The past couple of years though, I’ve been finding Etsy shops and sending him their links. I tell him I’d be happy with anything he buys from them and so far, it’s worked! I don’t know what he gets me until I open it, but because I picked where it’s from, I know I’ll like it. Just a thought. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

        • Lol my mom has her diva moment this morning how I never want to do anything with her (kinda true) and that because I asked not to get one certain email she sends to like 50 other people that means she can’t email me at all *rolls eyes* and “could you be more self centred?” And I didn’t like the colour of yarn she used to knit me a scarf/hat/mittens set. It’s not that I don’t like the colour, it’s that I decided not to like anything from her and since she thinks it’s my colour and my aunt thinks it’s a good colour for me, that means I’m just deciding not to like it for no reason (even though it’s a colour I will NEVER wear) – I literally can’t win with her some days

          Liked by 1 person

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