The Guy Part II

The rest of the story:

From July to September we saw each other a total of four times. But he was crazy busy all summer. The constant communication was my key to keep holding on there until he had time for plans. I spent the summer sending kissy face emojis and hearts and trying to make plans even though every time I asked he was busy and when we were together little rubs on his shoulders or leaning on his back while behind him on an escalator. Trying to gauge if there was anything there.

His communication never let up. But that was a trap I fell into before, with the one who broke my heart. But the guy had gone over what the other one had. The other was my mind making things into more than they were, here it was true intention on his part – like if we hadn’t talked all afternoon, I’d still get a “sweet dreams” text, or if I was busy “good morning, have a great day”.

We did have to switch our communication once I switch to my teaching orientation and wasn’t so available in the mornings anymore. But still every day there was at least one phone call, and lots of text messages. I had put so much work into getting to know him, it was impossible not to fall for him once I found out what a great guy he was.

So I finally asked him what he wanted out of it. Saying that I was confused sometimes at what it was and wanted to know where he was at. And then it all changed. He replied that “we’re both too shy for this” which if I know that guy’s feelings are there, I’m not shy AT ALL. He said if I wanted to push out of our friendship bubble then we could try that together, that he didn’t think there was anything there because subtle hints had gone unnoticed, and there never seemed to be any intent or motive in moving out of our friendship, but also he was going through some personal things right now so his mind was elsewhere.

I replied that I definitely thought we should take things more seriously and try to build something together. And to call when he was in a better head space. But that he also needed to make space for us to happen.

I didn’t get a call so I called him the next day, being my bubbly self, asking if he had free time that weekend so that we could do stuff, he said “yeah eventually I’ll be free” like I was annoying him by asking. As soon as I brought it up making us more than a textationship, his entire personality reverted back to the one I got in February. He didn’t understand what I was saying when I told him he needed to make more space for us, he felt like (because of other things in his life) he was being pulled in so many different directions. I was tired of just being a last resort for him. I had stopped texting first, and only replied when he reached out. So after about two weeks of this cold shoulder, I finally had enough. One day, after a day of silence I got a “night night, enjoy your day tomorrow” text message after I had gone to bed.

I had noticed he had stopped sending them when he knew I would be awake, to when he knew I would be sleeping. That space allowed me to really think – if he was shy he could have still made an effort. I had spent all summer putting myself out there and now I was tired of it. I gave him space to be himself and he showed me where his priorities where. I made the effort and he didn’t. I’m not sure why he didn’t see my intent, but it was easy not to see his. So I just told him I needed a break from his texts. That I had put myself out there for him and he clearly wasn’t interested, which was fine, but I needed a break.

And so we haven’t talked since. I’m not really that upset about it since we had that two weeks or so before that text of not really talking and me coming to realize that he didn’t actually want anything out of this. Maybe he really IS just that shy, or maybe he just doesn’t know how to make space for someone in his life, or maybe he’s just too lazy to change his routines. Who knows. All I know is that whatever is his deal, it’s not for me.

So that’s the story of the guy.

18 thoughts on “The Guy Part II

    • I usually think that as well but since we weren’t anything in the realm of romance at the start, I didn’t even think of it like that until we met and then I saw his real personality and that made me fall a little bit and want to think differently about him. But it was a LOT of work to get him to a place to open up like that

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  1. Guys! I guess I was lucky in that my guy fell for me the first time he met me, but I was dating his brother at the time and didn’t notice! When the brother made his mistakes and I dumped him, my guy was right there to grab me up. We’ve been married 35 years now. There is a right person out there, just gotta keep going.

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  2. It doesn’t make sense that y’all communicated well and then he ghosts you. Sorry this guy was not able to communicate well. You’re too awesome and bad ass and I know you won’t stay thinking on this for too long. I envy your bravery and confidence. Honest. I really enjoy your posts. Just remembered my password. Hope you’re well!

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    • Thanks girl! You’re so sweet!

      He didn’t really ghost though. Just he never made time to do anything. And if I brought it up he’s get defensive. We’d talk every day up until the day I told him not to text me because I needed a break from it. But it was just making time for me and putting that as a priority over something else.

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  3. It almost sound a little fishy on his part… Nobody is this busy, especially at the beginning of a burgeoning relationship! When the right one comes along, it won’t feel like that much work, I’m sure. You deserve better than that!

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    • His thinking was that he felt no intent or motive on my part to move out of friendship (even though i was sending all the emojis and asking for plans and stuff) but you’re right. Even if he is THAT shy, then there should have at least been some effort in his part to make himself available for things. I totally deserve better than that! Which is why I gave him the benefit of the doubt for so long but eventually walked away

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