The details for those who have spent so much time wondering.
If you’ve been reading my posts since the end of May, some of them have had references to “the guy”, and there hasn’t been a lot of details other than a few mentions here or there about him. That was on purpose. I find that, since I started dating in Toronto two years ago, I post things so early and then a week or so later after a second or third date, the inevitable comes and I have to be like “well, on to the next!” and I didn’t know what this was or where it was going with the guy so I tried as hard as I could to keep it a little bit more private.
But I think it’s time to fill you all in:
Like most of the men I talk about on here, I met the guy on a dating site. He messaged me in late January, and I checked out his profile. It seemed decent, but none of the thumbnails were of him, they were just random pictures. It was weird. And he messaged me – but his responses were always just like one word or short sentences, always feeling like this disconnect. And they were always a few days apart. Never anything to build a true conversation on. So I eventually was swept into other conversations with other people who were more engaging. I think that’s how it always works with online dating.
After I had started to talk to one of these other guys, thinking that the guy had all but lost interest because he hadn’t messaged in a few days, he popped up again. And being the honest person I am, I told him I was more interested in someone else and I’m not the type to keep more than one guy in constant conversation. He said he understood and that we could remain friends. Sure – why not? It was just the dating site. No other information had been exchanged.
Every two-three weeks he’d pop up again, asking how I was doing. And it came time when I was seeing the pincher/slapper that I was deleting my account. There was just something about the guy that made me not want to totally disconnect from him. Like it was so weird how he would just pop up to ask how I was and then disappear for a week or so. So I told him I was deleting my account because I had started seeing someone but if he wanted to keep being friends he could add me to whatsapp. He did.
Now at that point I knew a few things about him: he was an uncle, his job, his age. That was about it. So this was end of March and that was all I knew. Once we switched to whatsapp, I would sometimes get little tiny snippets of a sarcastic funny personality but not really anything to go by. But our conversations became more frequent. Kind of.
Then I broke up with pincher/slapper and about a month later the guy and I started to talk more and more on whatsapp. It was now the beginning of May and a long time coming just to have a semi-regular conversation. But it was a good conversation when we had it. I had two tickets to a free event in Toronto and asked if he wanted to join me, and he did. I did this for two reasons: it was the end of May and I needed to know what his personality was actually like. It was this mystery that I needed solved! If he was as boring as he seemed earlier on in the year, then we’d have a nice free tour and no harm done. If he was more interesting, maybe we’d have a good friendship.
What I wasn’t expecting was just how funny and engaging he was in person! Like we had a GREAT time. Not only did we go on the free tour, we did another free tour at the same place, and then went and had ice cream after as well. Our conversation flowed so naturally. And he was really attractive too! I wasn’t expecting any of that! Until that day we met I had no idea what he looked like.
We switched to text from whatsapp shortly after, but it took another 6 weeks before we did something again. Now it’s the beginning of July. From that point on we spoke every single day. When I was teaching downtown, I’d go early to avoid the morning commute and then I’d get 20 minutes or more of phone time with him while he was driving to work and I was waiting for my students. He’d call when he was driving home. Every day we’d talk. He made his own little nicknames for me. And I was quickly falling for him.
But since we had that “ya know I’m not really interested here” moment back in February, I was never sure where his mind was. And we never made plans. Like I’d get “hey my plans got cancelled tonight want to go to the movies” or “are you free on Thursday?” and then when Thursday came he didn’t have any plans made. So I was confused.
Come back tomorrow for more!