Sunday Ponderings

I’m having a very reflective day based on the sermon given at church today.

First of all, let’s just say that WordPress doesn’t recognize the word “ponderings” and that makes me sad. How is that not a word?

But onto the ponderings at hand. Today at church, I was a little distracted. My mind was far away but I really tried to bring it back and focus on what my pastor was talking about.

Today, being Pentecost, my pastor decided to speak about the Holy Spirit. Now, my pastor is a great speaker. And if you are so inclined, feel free to check out some of his messages on our new church website. His message from today should be up in a day or so. Our tech guys are pretty great. But again that’s not the point.

So we get to almost the end of the message and a topic that always troubles me comes up: the notion of being unequally yoked in marriage. For those who aren’t religious and have no idea what that means, the Bible says that we, as Christians, should not marry someone who isn’t also Christian. And for the most part, I definitely agree with that. Not only for the religious aspects of it but also for the personal aspects as well. In marriage, you try to find someone who has close enough morals and values to your own personal set that you can agree on the major life choices and decisions for your family.

But here is my problem – in my own experience of dating Christians and non-Christians, Christian boys suck. They really do.

Just as an example, let’s run through the guys I’ve been involved with/romantically attracted to in the last 2 years. A little break down: 6 were either raised in the church and have since stopped going but still hold true to the teachings or are still active members. 6 were not affiliated with a Christian church or any church/religion at all.

The non-Christians in the group were more open-minded and accepting of those around them. They never pressured me into a sexual relationship when they found out that I’m abstinent because of my own personal faith. They never forced a physical relationship at all. Asked before holding my hand the first time, or kissing me the first time. Never complained when I would push plans so that I could go to church. Didn’t have any violent tendencies or racist leanings. The last one counted in this group has been a friend of mine since about January and I’m finding myself being pulled into a major feelings trap with him as our friendship has gotten a lot closer over the last two months.

The Christians were closed minded and at times racist and bigoted people. A few I had to literally push away from because they just decided that they were going to kiss me, either by just straight up surprising me with a kiss or literally pulling my head closer to them to kiss me. The one who would pinch my ear when I was doing something he didn’t like and then eventually “tiny baby barely even touched my skin” slapped me in a cafe belongs to this group. The ones who put up the most resistance to having a non-physical relationship while building something more lasting together were also in this group. The ones who were seeing someone else on the side even after we decided to “date” were also in this group. The one who was just trying to find a short-term wife in order to avoid deportation was also in this group.

So here is my dilemma: I honestly would love to get married. And I really hope that that is in God’s plan for me. But, judging by my own personal experiences, I tend to stay away from Christian men. I date respectful, tolerant men who are ok with my beliefs just as I am ok with theirs. I don’t push my religion on them, I don’t tell them to come to church with me (although a few have offered to go with me), I don’t think that’s my place. And while I think it would be amazing to meet a “card-carrying” Christian, I personally am jaded against the whole lot because of the actions of those Christian men I have previously been involved with.

Thus I am stuck in this tug of war with my experiences and my beliefs. I know that when its just me and the guy it’s different than if we were ever to have children, but I’m also the type of person who believes that everyone has to choose their own path in life and while I would most definitely bring religion into my parenting style, I wouldn’t force it on any of my children. I would want them to know that their own beliefs, no matter how different from my own (like not murdering people obviously but ya know) were valued and accepted – even if I were to disagree.

What I look for in a potential partner is the respect that comes along with having those differences. My brother is completely different from me. While I will (and have) dated non-Christians in many different forms, he has a set list of denominations that he will date from. Like it doesn’t even apply to all Christians, just some. It’s so strange how limited he is in that. I look for the connection between myself and the guy and his heart and his character, not the fact that he does or doesn’t go to church on Sunday. Because, quite frankly, the ones that I have been involved with who have been active in their church like I would want a potential partner to be, have all been the worst of the men I have been involved with.

So while I’m sure that my pastor had some other good points about the Holy Spirit today as we were remembering the ascension of Christ after his resurrection, this is what has been in my mind all day. And I’m struggling with it.

15 thoughts on “Sunday Ponderings

  1. I’d venture to say most so-called Christians behave in a very non-Christ like manner, men or women. I went to Catholic grade school and high school, and haven’t been involved in organized religion in any way since. I’m not an atheist, when it comes to organized religion, the hypocrisy is staggering. And maddening. To each their own on their belief systems, but I’ll never set foot in another church. Minus a wedding or a funeral, at least. I don’t have a difficult time believing everything you’ve just written here.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I know I have my moments as well of acting in a non-Christ manner. The pinching guy started our first date by saying hi and then immediately followed by asking to see my hippo tattoo and saying “ya know it’s against the bible to have tattoos” like ummm ok? Thanks? I just find it so unsettling because I feel like I’m not being “Christian” enough if the problems of the world don’t bother me? And then I feel ridiculous for not getting upset over the problems of the world. You want marriage equality for the LGBT community? Awesome go for it. Tattoos? Sure no probs. Abortions? Your body your choice. Like I just don’t get it, SOAB. And then to try to align myself romantically with someone who pushes for all of that seems impossible in my mind. Or someone who is so hypocritical in their own faith – like sure the Old Testament says no tattoos but all over the bible says no sex before marriage so why are you trying to grab at my chest and take me back to your place for a “massage” on our first date? It boggles my mind.

      Sorry for the comment rant lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha! No worries. Rant on, man. But, that’s the kinda shit that kills me about some. They make a big fucking deal over what some book written by a bunch of men says, like no tats/no homosexuality/etc, yet they discriminate, judge, cheat, lie, criticize. Funny how they like to use the Bible to their own agendas’ benefit, but disregard it in how they live their life, then pretend that it’s all ok so long as the show up for social hour…er, I mean church, every Sunday. Know what I say to them? Fuck off.

        Liked by 2 people

        • I take a lot of importance in what the bible says but sometimes I just can’t follow it to the letter. Like sure I have tattoos but that doesn’t make me less of a Christian. I try not to judge or criticize others beliefs or lives as long as it doesn’t hurt/affect other people. Like I know I’m totally criticizing those guys right here in this post but that’s the point of the rant haha! I hate the hypocrisy of it all. And I hate that I feel like I’m not following my religion because I don’t follow the judgement/limitations of others. It’s frustrating me today and putting me in such a weird mood.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Take it for what it’s worth, but I had a teacher in high school, a priest, who told me he believed the Bible was not meant as a literal interpretation, merely a guide book for how to live life. A priest! His job was to know the Bible word by word.

            Everybody can have their own opinion, of course, but I believe being a kind, compassionate, giving, loving, non-judgemental human matters more to god than whether one has a tattoo or wears clothing woven of two different materials or any of the other nonsensical “sins” mentioned throughout its pages. By that logic, 90% of people wearing any clothing at all are sinning. Or, try this one on for size:

            “You may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way.” Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT
            “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.” Ephesians 6:5 NLT.

            Not exactly the way the god I believe in would want ANYONE to behave.

            Again, not criticizing anyone who’s religious, but let’s not throw the Bible around like it’s meant to be taken word for word. Most Bible thumpers are sinning simply by getting dressed in the morning, but they conveniently quote the verses that serve THEIR arguments. Remember, humans wrote this text. Humans ALWAYS have an agenda, even in the days of Christ. Don’t feel bad about having a hippo tat. Honestly, I don’t think god gives two shits about that. I believe god cares how you treat others versus being hypocritically self-righteous. Just my two cents.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Lol I don’t feel bad about my tattoos – don’t worry! I have a very easy “that’s Old Testament law and I’m not bound by it” mentality.

              But I definitely agree with most of the rest of what you said. Living your life as a decent human being is much more important that all the rules in the Old Testament. And I definitely try to live my life like that. And i also agree that there needs to be some interpretation to the bible. That’s why we have people who have studied it in depth. But again, each person will interpret it differently as well.

              Thanks for the encouragement today!

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Now see, I was gonna add my 2 cents to this, but SOAB said basically what I was going to say, down to the growing up in the church even… weird. I too believe the absolute majority of Christians are hypocrites and use their religion as an excuse when convenient. There’s a quote, “I like your God, I do not like your religion.” I feel that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha you can always share your opinions even if someone else has already said the same 😊

      And I like that quote. It definitely does fit a lot of the time. In all fairness, I know a lot of amazing Christians. Like the people who go to my church. They are good Christians. It’s the men I’ve dated that I have the problem with 😂 they are the hypocritical ones.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. On behalf of the Christian boys, I’m sorry. We don’t have the best track record, I know. Too many claim to love Jesus but don’t know how to love like Jesus… claim to know Jesus but don’t know what Jesus stands for.

    Honestly, it’s Christian women that have turned me off to dating in recent years and made it a very comfortable decision for me to pretty much not want to get married. Not necessarily for the same reasons you spelled out when dealing with Christian guys. But it sure seems like the popular thing for Christian ladies to do is use God as an excuse to do or not do certain things. And they sure know how to manipulate a guy’s emotions. Maybe they just know how to manipulate my emotions.


    • I think that it’s just as bad for either side. I’m sorry your emotions have been manipulated. But I’m not sure that is limited to just Christian girls lol I have known a few girls who would just string guys along for the fun of it. It’s horrible. When did having an honest relationship with someone become a bad thing? It sucks that so many people feel the need to put on airs and play games

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think the right person will respect your beliefs. Marriage is a whole bucket of compromise and there are so many things you will agree or disagree with that this is just one thing. If they are comfortable with you being a practicing Christian and have no problem with it, and are comfortable with their children being raised in a Christian manner, then I don’t think it should matter if they are practicing Christians themselves, or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have the exact same opinion! So I just hate when the church preaches that Christians must marry other Christians and then I feel like a bad Christian for not following that principle lol


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