There’s just three weeks left until the kids in Canada are out of school for the summer!
And I’m feeling it a little bit. I’m personally exhausted after this year. At least since Christmas. I just feel like everything is going on high speed and I’m just struggling to keep up with the pace of things. You know when you’re exercising, and your muscles are like “stoooppppp enough” and your brain is like “naw, we got just one more, just get to that corner, just do one more squat” and you think you’re going to die and you’re struggling to keep yourself moving? That’s me right now.
I think a lot of that comes from my brain knowing that at the end of this month, I’m done being a nanny. In 23 days. So I’m letting things slip. I’m not as strict with the kidlets, I’m not putting up as much of a fight when they don’t listen. I’m just feeling like I’m over it. And I know that’s a horrible mentality to get into but it’s also I’m not going to stress myself out over something I’ve been trying to correct, or been frustrated with, for almost three years and there’s been no change so what’s even the point any more? Ya know?
But then, of course, the end of this job brings along a whole other set of stresses. I’m still looking for a space to live. I didn’t know it would be so difficult. I’m looking to move August 1st but can afford to move July 1st if I find the perfect place. But no one seems to be listing for July yet. Like I just want to get something put into place so I can stop stressing.
There was a perfect place listed a few weeks ago, and I had viewed the house in March, but it was available for June. I did a quick numbers crunch, and while it would be SUPER tight, I could have signed for June. I even told the guy I’d come that day with first and last if I could sign. But apparently the other people living in the basement where the room was were guys, and he knew they wouldn’t be ok with a female living down there. So I told him to keep me in mind if anything else opened up before August. His property is perfect location, perfect price.
There was another great price/good location I messaged yesterday. The ad said not to email or use the website to message but to call after 5 or text. So I sent a text at like 10 am. No reply. I will try again tonight after 5.
But then once that gets taken care of, I have a lot of anxiety building over my job for next year. Like I know I’m going to do a good job. I know God put me in a nanny position to make me feel comfortable. I needed these last few years working with kids before I could be sure of myself in a classroom. I know that now. But that doesn’t diminish the feelings of “oh goodness what have I gotten myself into” that are slowly creeping into my head.
I’ve never set up a classroom, or had to divide out the curriculum for an entire year, or set up reading groups (I have run them but never set them up), or had to keep track of grades for an entire school year and actually know what final grade to give students. I’ve never had to do first day/week routines, or any of that. I feel so utterly unprepared.
So that’s my life right now. A ball of anxiety and stress.