More Matters of the Heart

We are recapping my love life from the month of April, and if you missed the first part, you can click these pink words to catch up. Or just read the post from yesterday. Samesies.

So back to the Nigerian.

We had gone out twice back in November but I was still healing from my broken heart and probably made some lame excuse to stop seeing him because I just wasn’t ready for anything.

So we talked from Easter on. Every day flirting and chatting ALL DAY LONG. So we decided to actually have a proper first date. We didn’t actually do that in November. He knew what was going on in my life so we were meeting just as friends.

So the first date went amazing. It was a little awkward at first but then it was fine. But he had forgotten a lot about me – like I had a wig, and I had to remind him not to pull it off cos he kept trying to play with my hair. And, of course, the big one: I’m abstinent.

Now that was a HUGE problem for him. Which surprised me. He’s a Christian too and heavily involved in his church, and while I don’t expect a 35 year old who kisses like he does to be a virgin, I’d at least expect him to respect that choice of mine.

So we spent our first week all flirty, our second week with lots of silence and awkward conversations (at least I thought they were) and him not being ok with a non-physical relationship but saying he was, and a lot of “ok. whatever.” “that’s fine everyone is different but yeah..” “kissing is the same as the act, but whatever…” I said we’ll see how things go and we’ll just slow everything right down.

We went to the movies last weekend and since I had told him that we’re going to have to slow WWWAAAAYYYY down I tried really hard to not have physical contact at all. I was trying to respect his space by not leading him to think something more was going to happen.

See with slappy, he was fine with the abstinence, he just told me to let him know when I was getting to my limit of physicalness (a simple, “ok, too much” mid-kiss for example) and he respected that instantly.

It was the opposite with this guy. I put the brakes on with this guy and didn’t even let him kiss me goodnight. Well he could kiss my cheek after the movie and I didn’t hold his hand or anything during the movie (which he pouted over while we were watching the movie) and he took a little temper tantrum in the mall. He looked all shocked when I offered my cheek and pulled away from an actual kiss. He asked what happened and I said that we were moving too fast and needed to slow things down. And that he had said he found kissing to be part of the act of sex anyways so let’s just reign it all in and go slow and see where that takes us because I wasn’t sure he was going to be ok with a non-phsyical relationship. And no, he couldn’t drive me home, I’ll just take the subway.

Then he turned into a little baby. Saying how I’m mean and not being fair and he kept trying to grab my neck to pull me into a kiss even after I said no a few times. So I literally just walked away from him. Left him standing in the door way to the mall looking confused and put out.

Don’t care. Pout all you want.

I haven’t really talked to him since. He’s tried to send a few messages and I’ve replied with one word answers and I was kind of hoping for a chance to yell at him but now that feeling has passed and I don’t need to anymore.

Of course, now that he’s made me really angry by having his little tantrum, I’ve started to remember more about him. Like, how that second time we hung out, he was dropping me off and he went for a kiss as I was hugging him goodnight and I moved my head so he got my cheek instead. And then as I was pulling out of the hug, his hand was on my neck and he pulled me in for a kiss anyway. Basically he slobbered all over my face and I had to shower and exfoiliate my face to get the smell of his colonge off of me. I totally didn’t even remember that horrible feeling until I was leaving the movies. My brain needs to be better at remembering the bad details!

So there ya have it! My post-April dating wrap-up! I’m not actively seeking anyone out right now, no profiles, no dating apps or sites. I have a lot going on right now and if it happens then it happens but I’m not pushing it or anything. My energy is focused on other things.

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10 thoughts on “More Matters of the Heart

  1. For all the #metoo, some guys still seem to think that what you say and what you want are two different things.

    Yah know it’s going to be in the middle of all the crazy and when you aren’t looking that you’ll stumble across some awesome guy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know! Omg he made me so angry! Cos he’s the one who said we shouldn’t even be kissing and sure it was a COMPLETE 180 from the previous week, so I understand how he could think it would be ok at first, but after I pushed him away once and said no, I expect that he follows through with that instead of being a pouty baby.

      And you’re right AJ, last year when I fell in love, it was just like that. An online friend who I had know for like a year and we both ended relationships around the same time and then we just became friends and then it was so much more for me. And i wasn’t looking for it at all with him. He actually wasn’t my type and fit almost all of my “do not date this person” criteria haha!! But it was amazing for me to fall like that. So I know it’s possible! ☺️ And I’m positive it will happen again lol

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Some guys just don’t get it. IMO, regardless of #metoo, its a simple matter of mutual respect. No means no, personal space is sacrosanct, and for Gods sake, what the hell is the rush?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know, right?! On that first date, we had an early dinner and then we got back to his car and he said he was taking me home, which I thought weird cos it was a nice day out and still early and I thought we were having a nice time, but okies then, and then half way into the drive he was talking about how when we get back to HIS place, he’s going to give me the best massage….and I’m like “how about we go to a park? I want to go on some swings” He was all for the rushing. No. Thank. You. The park was a better choice, and honestly I always want to go on swings so win-win lol

      Liked by 1 person

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