Matters of the Heart

A post-April update on the dating and the things.

It’s another long one, sorries.

Pre-A to Z, I did mention that I was going on a first date with someone and I felt like I was going to throw up. Ya know, the feeling that accompanies all good first dates – the mixture of excitement and nerves.

So we met, and he was amazing, and we had a good time. And we quickly hit the “give him 6 dates to get the real feel of him” mark in less than 14 days. Yeah. I couldn’t get enough of him.

He was all of that plus a bag of chips! Tall, very handsome, a Christian, just a year older than me, he had a few jobs but that’s just his hustle, abs and biceps for days!, he supported himself, he was an immigrant but, and this is very important, had his Canadian citizenship. He loved to talk about politics (a little too much maybe) and when he wasn’t talking about politics we had some good laughs. leans in and whispers – and some good kisses too but let’s just keep that to ourselves.

So he was pretty great. But why do I keep saying was? Because, of course, he had to go and mess it all up!

Actually, I think I was just swayed but his attractiveness and the “omg why is he even interested in being seen in public with me?” feeling that I didn’t pick up on things earlier. Ya see, I’m super confident in myself, but I never expect other people to see how amazing I am. Especially a sexy man like that. So when he showed me how a man acts when he’s really really interested, it threw me off my game. It was amazing to feel like that.

But here’s what happened, and don’t get all upset because I handled it, and it wasn’t as bad as this next sentence is going to make it sound, and I’m not making excuses for him, it really wasn’t that bad, so are you calm, you need to be calm, cos here it comes, the reason why I’m no longer with him, ready, ok, the next sentence is coming, right now, it’s going to be here.

He slapped me.

Yeah, ok, I know y’all are freaking out. It wasn’t a SLAP, it was a little baby “don’t say that” barely touched my skin slap on my face. If his hand was going the other direction, it would have been a lovely intimate caress on my cheek. But, alas, it wasn’t. And I don’t stay with anyone who thinks that, even in a playful soft way, they can slap or hit or other wise react physically towards me. I don’t even care how involved we are, that’s it.

We were in a little cafe when he did it, and I brushed his hand away and said “don’t slap me”. Very soon after, I ended our time together and went home but it literally bothered me for a few days and I took a little bit of time to myself and didn’t talk to him very much while I was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much.

And I came to a realization: that wasn’t the first time he had acted in a physical way. On our second date, we went for lunch and then to a park, but he was cold before the park so we stopped at his place so he could grab a jacket. I waited outside to text my one friend cos she was checking in on me and when he came out, I was typing a goodbye text and he pinched the top of my ear really hard asking “who are you texting” in a joking voice. My ear hurt for the rest of the day. I told him not to do that and he did it AGAIN a few days later and I told him again not to but he said if it bothered me why didn’t I say something before? When I had. But for some reason that didn’t even click in until after that day at the cafe.

When we first started talking he said he was racist, but based on some of the other English phrases he used in weird ways, I just thought he was using the word wrong. But no. After that slap, my rose coloured glasses were lifted and he honestly is the most racist and bigoted person I’ve ever met. And if I didn’t share some info with him (like about my best friend’s dating situation) I didn’t trust him, or I was keeping things from him. Or I said let’s meet for movies at the Tim’s at the corner of Don Mills and Lawrence because the movies were at “insert exact address” and he read that as Don Mills subway station and was over an hour late to the movie and that was my fault for not being clear enough.

It was like that little tiny boop on my cheek was all it took to burst my little happiness bubble and that was just it. All done. Goodbye. After I ended things with him, a week before my birthday I should add, he was pretty upset. Kept texting and asking for second chances and saying he still didn’t understand why I wasn’t with him anymore, and could be buy me “that tattoo” I had mentioned (cos I said I always want more). Even though on our first date he spent the first 10 minutes of our meeting telling me how tattoos were against the Bible. Yeah – great way to meet someone…

During one of our dates I had mentioned that I had once had a first meeting at a book store and how that was like super great! It’s a book store! I loved it!! But the guy was from Nigeria. You guys know that I almost exclusively date men of colour, slappy was from Lebanon and held onto the fact that I had a meeting with a Nigerian for the rest of our time together. He was always referencing “that black guy” or “that African”. I didn’t tell him there are many others. When I broke things off with him, he asked if I was back with “that black guy” – literally the next day.

And the truth of the matter is, I hadn’t spoken to “that guy” since November. I didn’t even have his number in my phone anymore. But that didn’t matter. I was asked over and over about him. The last time me and slappy spoke was on my birthday. He wished me happy birthday and then picked a fight and now I’m blocked on WhatsApp which is fine by me.

A week later, guess who decided to say “Happy Easter” to me. Go on. I dare you. Guess. I’ll wait.

YUPS! The Nigerian!

How insanely bananas is that?! This is too long already so I’ll continue this story tomorrow.

22 thoughts on “Matters of the Heart

    • I know it kind of builds it up way more than it needs to be but from talking to friends over the last month since I stopped seeing him, I’ve learned to lead with the warning lol

      And I’m glad too. I think things he would say/do always did bother me but how he made me feel about myself over shadowed that a lot! So I’m glad I got to experience that but sucks it just came with all the rest of the bleh

      Liked by 2 people

  1. It’s good that you’ve noticed this at the beginning of the relationship, before being too committed! It’s a bunch of major red flags, that’s for sure. I’m glad to know you’re safe. xx

    Liked by 1 person

      • It always sucks to break things off, even when there are red flags… I do hope you’re okay! It’s a learning experience, too. There are always things we won’t ‘like’ about our partners (nobody is perfect), but that’s major… I look forward to reading the rest of your story!

        Liked by 2 people

        • Oh I’m totally fine! 😊 it definitely was a learning experience! Both in what I won’t stand for and for the experience of the new feelings, I’ve honestly never had a guy make me feel so good about myself. It was really nice lol

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I am SO glad I don’t have to go through that dating/meeting Mr. Right thing anymore! Your post scares me for my daughters though. I think (after almost 35 years of marriage) if anything were to happen to my hubby, I’d stay single. It’s too much trouble to train them even after you find one who has potential!

    Liked by 1 person

    • HAHA! I’m looking for one who doesn’t need to be trained. The one I really and deeply fell for last year was like that. A nice fit.

      But yes, the trouble of dating now is exhausting! I read a good book that explains the trouble with it, “modern romance” it’s also where I learned the 6-date rule. Instead of trying to get a date with someone, try to get 6 lol their character will come out and you have a much better sense of who they are. Which is actually one of the reasons for tomorrow’s post!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You can be proud of yourself for ending it! No second chances, even for a tattoo! Thinking he could “buy” your attention! Not a quality man. It’s too easy to see a new relationship through rose colored glasses. Good for you for taking them off!

    (Oh, I’m the same person from the A-Z, The Versesmith, but I linked to a different blog I use more.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah of course!! He kept trying to buy me lots of things. When I ended things at first he says “I just want to spoil you” which is not what I want from a relationship at all! Even the little bit we were together that as uncomfortable for me. I’m glad I ended it early on!

      And thanks for letting me know 😊

      Like

  4. Bullet dodged. Oh my gosh, T, that’s scary. Sounds like he would turn out to be one of those men who isolate and abuse. The perfect guy is out there, but it definitely isn’t him.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I honestly never felt scared with him, but I had the same thinking that it could eventually end up to be a bad situation. But I also made a firm promise to myself when I was younger (based off of an experience my cousin had) that I’d walk from anyone who ever hit me. Even that little tiny tap he gave me was my line I guess.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I’ve learned to be very in tune with what my gut is telling me. Sometimes I feel like I cut people off a little too quickly (tomorrow’s person for sure!) but I also have found that whenever I do give second chances, I always think back and I’m like “oh yeah, I should have listened to myself in the first place” lol

      And there were lots of red flags. I’m glad that I took notice of them so quickly!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Glad you called it off. I personally make it a rule to never ever date arab men. The culture is just too different. Slappy probably really didn’t think anything of his behavior. Who knows, he might have gotten worse with you over time. Good call.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh goodness he would go off on a rant if he heard you call him an “Arab man” lol he would hate that!!

      And he didn’t think anything of it. In our many conversations after I broke things off with him, he kept saying he didn’t understand my problem with the playful slap. Even after I explained it wasn’t JUST that, but many other things as well

      Liked by 1 person

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