I have something that has been bothering me. So listen up!
Yeah, girl (or guy), I know!
Okies so here’s the tea, ya’ll know I have some online dating profiles (actually none right now because me and the mister have already had the “sooo you’re still on there?” “well I mean I’ll delete it if you want me to, are you going to?” “umm if you want me to” conversation) and have been for a while. Like on and off for about two years. There have been some successes and some not, and some total failures.
Today, I want to write about the serial messenger. This guy can be characterized by his ability to disappear for a few months and then pop up again like nothing ever happened.
I just had enough with one guy this morning who always does this, so I wanted to share his story.
We first started talking almost two years ago. It must have been July/August of 2017. We were kind of chatting a little bit and then we exchanged names and his name is the same name as my brother. And I found that a little weird, so I told him so. He called me and we chatted on the phone and he called me spoiled and entitled.
And then we stopped talking cos I was a little weirded out. I told my brother about it and he thought I was a little crazy for saying that. Like my brother’s name is very popular so it could very well happen that I might end up with someone who has that name (current mister does not). So after some reflection, I thought: ok, going forward, I won’t let that bother me. But with this guy, it was already over.
So then last year sometime (May/June 2018) he pops up again. We both had new profiles and stuff and at first, I didn’t remember him but after chatting a little bit I am 95% positive it’s the same guy. For this story, let’s just say he is.
We started striking up a conversation and getting to know each other again, and then we got to the point where we moved off the site and into mobile app/text exchange. We talked for a few days and there was the mention of “hey do you want to meet in person?” and agreement all around but nothing was firmly set. And then the conversation just stopped.
Fast forward a few months and he pops up again. “hey do you remember me?” We established that the ball was dropped and kind of picked up where we left off again, with the thinking it would be nice to meet up but we never did. I remember I still had his phone number so I was the one who started our off-site conversations again. Even though it was so long ago, I distinctly remember that I sent the last text before the silence. He didn’t reply and at this point, I’m thinking we’ve tried this enough times, he’s not replying, he’s not really that interested, so I’m moving on. I’m not there to waste my time or anyone else’s. I didn’t double text just to get a response. If he was interested, he would have replied, or remembered that he likes talking to me and sent some sort of other message. But nothing. And this was after he would send messages like “I want you.” “you know I want you, don’t you want me too?”
Woo, take another running leap with me to a few weeks ago. He messages me, again, on the website. I’m the type of person who can’t just ignore someone who hasn’t really done me any wrongs, ya know? It’s just rude. So I hesitantly reply. I know full well who this person is now and I’m not interested at all but I still can’t just ghost him. He says last time I “left him hanging” and that “you know I want you baby” ps: to all those guys out there. If we aren’t in a relationship, don’t call me baby. It makes me want to punch you in the throat. And then he goes on to say that I was the reason we never met up, and can he have my number and I was like “what’s even the point? we’ve tried this before.”
He apparently still had it because he text after I went to bed one night. I didn’t reply, because I was sleeping, and I wake up to his text message and a message on the site being all “I text and you ignored me”. Like DUDE! You say you’re 38, stop acting like a child. I was all “…..I was sleeping….” And then a few more weeks of silence.
This morning he pops up AGAIN. Saying hi and what was I up to. And now I’m just like OMG STOP so I answer “wondering why you’re messaging me honestly”. And he says that it’s not true that he just disappears and, again, he “wants me”, and now I’m just ignoring him because I’ve asked him to stop contacting me and that I’m tired of his games and he’s just replying that I’m being unfair and that he’s hurt.
Boo-hoo for you.
Seriously, if you’re the type of person who does this, just stop! I think it’s natural for some conversations to just die out and then get picked up again, but if you’re still trying to make it happen after almost two years, then it’s not going to happen. And when someone asks you to stop contacting them, stop. Don’t switch from text to WhatsApp to see if you get a response there. That just gets your number blocked on two platforms instead of one. UGH!