Remember three weeks ago when I dropped some vague updates on you and I said I’d fill everyone in on the real details later? Well later has come!
I’m going to address the third update that I wrote about in that post, and it said this:
And then yeah, so it’s emotional and really sad. But it’s not like I can just not, ya know? Like I just can’t. And sure it’s going to really suck at the end if it happens but I think it’s better to have the possibility of the suckiness but also the possibility of the amazingness too. I can see all of you nodding your heads. Thanks for the support. xoxo
Okies, so we all know that I’ve been in the midst of online dating for a while. Like on and off for about two years. Some successes, and lots of failures. But the thing is, I only date with purpose. Apparently, this is a novel idea in 2019 (or 2017 when I decided that I should actually start looking for a person to join in on my awesome life journey with me). If you don’t know what that means, it’s that I don’t date someone just to “date”. If I can’t see a future in it, like an “until death do us part, sitting in matching rocking chairs telling our grandchildren to settle down and listen to your crazy old people stories” future then it’s not going to happen. Sure that’s a lot of pressure to put on something right away, but I get emotionally attached way too easily. And I’m always very clear that my religion is important to me and I’m a virgin and I’m waiting for my forever person because of my religion. I don’t hide any of that on my dating profile. So if I actually meet someone that I can banter with enough to make me want to meet them, and after a few dates I can’t see that foreverness, I let it go. Honestly, sometimes it only takes one date. But that was before when I was forcing myself to date instead of getting over someone.
So, now that we’re all caught up on my philosophy, at the beginning of February I actually met someone. I have a few accounts and was trying out Hinge for the first time and the day after I opened my account he messaged me. It was the day after his birthday and his first day on the app.
We chatted for a week and made plans to meet up. He was Christian, we shared the same values about almost everything that we talked about, he was totally chill with the tattoos and the abstinence and the alopecia (I mention all 3 in my profiles). He was from Ghana but had been here for 6 years and was working towards his permanent residency. He actually had a job. All great things.
So we met on a Saturday after I finished work and he finished some English proficiency test he needed for his residency numbers. He had the greatest smile when he saw me (heart flutters) and then he right away gave me a hug (stomach butterflies) and we literally just sat in the food court at a mall and talked for a few hours. He had to be home for other commitments by 7 so we stopped talking at 7:30 and I told him to apologize to his roommate on my behalf for making him late. A hug goodbye and we parted ways.
After I got home, I was thinking that this could possibly be the start of something great. He knew everything about the dating with purpose thing and he knew all my insecurities (mainly my alopecia and that I wear a wig) and we connected really well. He fit all the boxes that I need in a relationship. And he seemed to be feeling it too.
The next week I didn’t really hear from him too much, but when we got a chance to be texting at the same time, then it was an amazing conversation. I didn’t think too much of it. And then he just disappeared for a week. Not a single word from him. Then he popped up again. He was silent because he didn’t get the score he needed for his residency which he said destroyed him and he went to a very dark place.
That’s when I wrote my last post.
We started talking again and rebuilding that trust I guess, but I was distant now. I didn’t realize that he was so close to leaving because he didn’t tell me. His permit runs out in April so if something doesn’t magically happen he has to leave. We talked for about another week or two but I was distant. I knew that we could probably have something great, but I just got my heart back to a place where I’m ready to date someone. But with him, it didn’t matter. Kind of like how I felt about the guy who broke it in October. I didn’t care that he broke all my “omg don’t date someone who” rules. I knew I had to be careful.
Now we don’t really talk. He’ll pop up every few days, or once a week to say hi and “hope you’re doing well”. I used to try to start up a conversation about how his residency process is going, and a friend gave me the phone numbers of a few immigration lawyers that I passed along to him. But now I don’t even do that. I’ll reply in one-word answers or as much as is needed but nothing else. I think he might be staying since he posted an Instagram picture that showed a Tesla with some words that said “your order has been placed!” like he’s buying a new car. So why would he do that if he has to leave?
Kind of sucks, but also I’m kind of glad I didn’t get too attached this time. I’m actually not even upset about it now.