Do you ever need to just take a breath before reacting to things?
I am really in love with the idea of texting people. I find that while sometimes there are instances where you can misunderstand someone’s tone or emotion, having to reply through text is a great way, for me, to really get my idea across. Email is great too. This applies to all “wait and think” methods of communication.
Yesterday, I was having a face to face conversation, and having to answer some really important questions. I tried to take the time to think about the words coming out of my mouth before they came, but it’s not like I can just sit and mull for 10 minutes while in a room with someone. And these were important questions. I wanted my answers to be perfect. I left feeling good about what had happened, but throughout the day I kept going “GAH! I should have said this! I should have phrased it like that!” It’s very frustrating to be beating up on yourself after the fact, knowing that it’s pointless because there is nothing you can do. I tell myself to put it in a bubble and blow it away, but that doesn’t always help. I’m not a 7-year-old who likes to visualize those types of things haha.
This morning, I woke up to my alarm killing me. Audibly that is. I’m sure if my alarm was a person, it would wake me up by a sharp slap to the face. What a jerk! But I found a text on my phone from after I had gone to bed. I read it and immediately wanted to reply. I’m a very impulsive person (hello hippo tattoo that is permanently on my wrist, I love you but you were an impulse. As were two of my other 4 tattoos) but I took a second.
I only have one chance to reply to this person. I need to be clear, and I want my words to have weight to them. I wasn’t angry while writing it, and I wanted to make sure that I didn’t come across that way, but this person had caused some anger in my life and I needed to address it.
I opened up a note on my phone and quickly typed out a response. Then I set about my morning. I went back about 5 times and changed things. Took out words, made sure I wasn’t using any exclamation points to make it look like I was angry. I simply wanted to state my facts but convey that I was, indeed, upset with them.
Do you do this?
If I need to reply quickly, I will send the message to my brother or best friend first and have them be like “naw you’re being too emotional” or “send it, you’re good” but this morning I knew I had time to let my words sit with me and know that I would be happy that I sent what I meant to send.
I love having that opportunity. And in life, I try to do the same. If I’m in an argument with someone, and I need to step away before I say something I know I will regret and can’t take back. I ask for a pause. “I’m getting too upset. I need a pause” Or if I can’t finish an important conversation, I do the same. “I’m sorry, I have to go to work right now, can we pause this and continue it later?” It gives both parties the chance to regroup, cool down, and come back and solve things.
Apologies too. I always try to take the time to think over what I need to say. Especially with my kidlets. It usually goes “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but you can’t *insert childhood offence*”
its very helpful to me to maintain healthy relationships and honest communication. How about you? Do you enjoy having that time to breath and think? Or are you more of an in the moment type of person? Can you react quickly and calmly? The ginger in me gives me no hope of that haha