Dear Asshat

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how dare you GIF

We interrupt your regular bubbly posts for an angry letter. If you’re actually in a good mood today, please bypass for your own mental health.

Dear Asshat:

I’ve got some things to say and you’re going to listen to them.

Look, I’m going to admit, I’m only like 70% shocked that this has happened. A little bit of me isn’t even surprised.

When I reached out to you over the holidays, I had no idea of getting back together with you. None at all. I didn’t like how we ended over the summer. Things were said that weren’t me and I wanted to apologize for them. It literally had been bugging me since August. I just wanted to smooth things over. I didn’t even anticipate us being friends, especially after how we ended.

So I apologized. And you accepted and returned it. Ya know – adult things. After talking for 30 minutes you asked to meet me for coffee. I was shocked. Since I was out of town we planned for when I got back. That was great – until you disappeared for ten days. I just thought that you had decided you didn’t want to meet up anymore.

Then you pop up again, a family emergency you say? For ten days?! With no text at all? Yeah, whatever. You apologized again, “I’m sorry hun, how can I make it up to you?”

I asked you not to call me hun. I had just started talking to someone nice and I didn’t want you to think that I was available when I wasn’t. You understood but after a few days, your sweetness started up again. You pulled my attention from him. We got right back into our regular vibe. It was nice. I missed that connection. It’s rare to find it with someone and I was willing to work at what we had.

So ya know what I did? I was honest with the other guy! Because I, unlike you, am a decent person. He thanked me for my honesty. BECAUSE HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!

You and I made plans. I wanted to talk to you in person about us. But then you cancelled. Again. This is your thing. If you weren’t such a flake, you’d be great. At least you told me the day before this time. But since I still wanted to talk to you, I took the leap last night. I asked for your opinion.

What advice do you need? 

I want to know your opinion on us.

On us?

Yeah – what do you think we are/want us to be?

Did you want to give it a second try?

And I said “I don’t know” but I wanted to say if we could have an actual conversation about why we ended before, I think we could try. I needed you to be more reliable.

You were out with a friend and wanted to talk later. You wanted to work something out between us. YOUR EXACT WORDS.

And then not even 10 minutes later you text me three paragraphs about how you’re in a relationship?! After JUST SAYING you wanted to work things out? ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Oh, and better still, out of “respect” for her, you don’t think you should continue talking to me. Yeah, good call.

Oh, you’re not good at confrontation and that’s why you didn’t say anything? That’s nice. Telling someone you have a girlfriend with “an amazing woman” is not confrontation. It’s called being a decent person. That text was the hardest you’ve ever had to right? PLEASE! After three weeks you didn’t bring it up ONCE! Not ONCE. Didn’t ask if she could come to our plans with us, not when I asked you to back off because I was starting to see someone myself. That’s a perfect time for “oh no problems, I’m dating too” See how easy that is?!

Now I understand all the last minute cancels. All the flakiness. And guess what – now I also think you’re the biggest poop canoe I’ve met in years. That’s a huge leap from where you were. Congratulations on that. And, in my mind, since you cancelled a lot during the time we were seeing each other, I have now decided that you were probably seeing someone else then. So good luck living that down. If I knew your current girlfriend, I’d fill her in. I feel sorry for her.

Sincerely;

An amazing woman with a temper.

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