I’m 2/3rds of the way into my Dateless December, and I have another reflection to share with you.
Have you ever felt like part of someone’s bucket list? We all know the whole concept around bucket lists: a list of things you want to accomplish before you kick the bucket. It’s a nice way to make some goals for life. I don’t really have a bucket list. I have a travel bucket list though – all the places I want to travel. And if you check out my blogging friend Rob, he just posted a Fuck it Bucket List this morning. Great minds think alike don’t they, Rob? Or did you hack into my phone and see that this was my topic for today?
In my last few years of dating here in Toronto (honestly, I wasn’t really too much into the dating before I moved here. Moving every 6-12 months doesn’t really leave a lot of space open for dating), I’ve found myself having the same conversation over and over with guys. And it usually starts off with him saying something like “Ya know, I’ve always wanted to date a redhead.”
Now I can understand the appeal to certain types of people. I definitely have a “type” (1-3 years old than me, taller than me, skin a beautiful shade of chocolate), but I’ve never had a list of characteristics of people I’d want to date and seek them out. Even with those things I listed in mind, I never get caught up in them if I have a connection with someone.
Like I’ve dated quite a range of guys: African, Carribean, Asian, Italian, British, American, Canadian, tall, short, geeky, sporty, professional, not so professional. But I’ve never had a “wow I need to date a — before I die ” So it always shocks me when I have the same conversation over and over with different guys.
One guy that I dated last summer was soooooo into the fact that I was a ginger. I got told so many times how his whole life, he’s always had a dream of dating and kissing a redhead. Like is it really that exotic? Really? Come on. We dated for about a month and the whole time “Wow I can’t believe I finally got my dream” “I can’t believe I’m finally dating a redhead” etc etc etc.
I guess the only thing that I’ve always wanted was a hockey enthusiast or a player. But that isn’t that the dream of every “heart full of ice and snow” Canadian girl? But I don’t go and seek that out. I don’t ask about it right away: if they happen to like hockey that’s great. If they don’t oh wells. Just as a side note, I have dated a guy who has played hockey so I guess that’s checked off the list? But it was never really on any list in the first place? I’m being confusing, I know.
So let’s get honest for a second here: Do you have a dating bucket list? Something that you are looking for and searching out just to say that you’ve dated that specific thing? Have you ever been part of someone else’s dating bucket list? Lemme know in the comments below!
Just a little update here. It’s been a few hours since I posted and I had a great word thrust upon me in my comments. Bex mentioned the notion of a conquest – and that’s what this sometimes feels like to me when I get told: “oh I’ve always wanted to date a redhead”. Like it’s this rarity and they are happy to have possession of it. Like that one pokemon card that will complete your collection or something. Sometimes it also feels like it’s the main reason I’m on a date with someone just so they can tick off that box on their dating bingo card. So thanks Bex for using the word “conquest” because as soon as I read it I was all YAASSS! That’s exactly what I meant!! I’m glad you can form words for what I’m feeling when I can’t get there haha