Can anyone else relate?
I’ve been pretty vague over the last two-ish months on here about my boy situation. Mostly just posting that I was recovering from it. And I was, and kinda still am. The last one is taking much longer than I expected to get over, and I’m not used to being so completely destroyed by having to get over someone. But I’ve been trying to move on from it and bring the happy back in my life, and it’s getting better little by little. Even though it’s hard when almost everything in my life reminds me of him in some way.
Over the last monthish, I’ve been seeing this one guy. Well talking to. We met up a few times in situations that could technically be labelled dates. He’s actually the first person I’ve been interested in dating since about the start of August so it was a big deal for me. He’s been totally patient while I’ve dealt with all the mending, and he knew the reasons why I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
It’s weird because we actually met on a dating site. Before I ruined a friendship by saying “I love you and I can’t just be friends with you.” But when that realization actually came to me (or when I decided to actually pay attention to what I had known for literally months), I was honest with him because that’s totally not fair to him if I’m all randomly crying all the time wishing he was someone else.
He was pretty understanding about it. And since we hadn’t actually met yet, we decided to still be friends. He gave me the space I needed to get myself somewhat together and after “knowing” each other for about a month I finally agreed to meet him. After work on a Saturday. I was not looking forward to it at all. I actually was dreading it. We made plans to meet at a bookstore kind of in the middle of both of us, and I thought it was perfect because I could get the Starbucks I had been craving for a bit and get to look at all the pretty books, while he got to finally meet me like he had been kind of pushing for. An hour or so of my time was all that was needed to get it out of the way.
Seriously – that’s how excited I was about it. If we meet at 5, I can get my decaf white mocha, hang for like an hour and still be home in time to see the start of the Leaf’s game at 7. I made sure to press the importance of “this is not a date” because I was just not feeling it at all.
The day came and my opinion on the meet-up still hadn’t changed. I honestly didn’t know why I was going. But I went. We met, and I surprisingly had a great time. We met up at 5 and he drove me home after 10. We spent like 2 hours in the bookstore chatting and looking at books and then went and had dinner after (thankfully the Leaf’s game was on at the pub so I still got to glance at the score from time to time when we weren’t in the middle of some great conversation.)
But then last weekend happened. We had plans for a movie, and that was great. Then we had dinner and I was bored out of my cupcake loving mind!! He literally talked for 45 minutes straight about his job, but instead of making it so I could understand it (he’s a radio frequency engineer for some phone company or something) it was like he was teaching a college class on it. I just glazed over and went to a happy place in my mind until he was done. The rest of the night, the conversation did not improve. And he was a little bit rude to the waitstaff. That’s a turn off for me.
I was shocked because of the complete contrast of the two encounters. But I’m a (relatively) sensible person, and in my mind, I was all “one great, one boring, let’s see how number 3 goes.” Maybe I was just putting too much pressure on it because that first encounter left me really wanting to date him and then I let myself down? It happens sometimes.
He dropped me off and then the real damage started. He went for a hug (totally fine) and I turned my head to catch the very obvious kiss he was trying to get with my cheek instead of my lips. Pulling out of the hug, he made sure he got his kiss, with his hand on the back of my neck making it impossible to avoid it. Which is a HUGE no in my books. If I wanted to kiss you, I would have let you the first time you tried, dude take a hint. He totally could have had his kiss the weekend before, but not after that night.
Then the whole political conversation happened that I posted about last week. And I know this is getting to be long, but I’m almost done I promise! I told him there was no way I could move forward with anything knowing his views were so drastically different than my own. I lost respect for who he was as a person.
We decided to stay friends and the last week has been good. We text less than that week between our first meeting and our movie date, I just didn’t have anything to say. But things were good. He was respectful of my space, and I thought that maybe he was right, we could pull this whole friend thing off.
We had made plans for this past weekend but I cancelled them last week because I had no interest in seeing him really. But since this week had been so good, we decided to hang out next weekend. Which was fine, until I asked him straight up if he was ok just being friends. He had started back into some flirty ways and I didn’t want him thinking I was going to be going there as well.
He basically said he was fine waiting until I was convinced that he was the best guy for me. That it would happen and to stop putting so much stress on it. I told him that I was not going to change my mind. There was no way that would happen. How would he feel to hear if I went out on a date? “We’ll be fine. It’s only a matter of time until you’re convinced.”
I may be a (relatively) sensible person, slow to anger in most cases, but as soon as someone dismisses my own feelings and judgement then it’s like this switch goes off in my brain! I told him that wasn’t going to happen and goodnight. This morning I woke up to a few texts from him saying “well, we’ll see” and that he had declined some dates because of me but that it was all good.
And at that point, I was totally done done. I sent him a firm “goodbye” text and he replied saying it was too early and I was being mean and hurting his feelings. Which I ignored. And then he asked what kind of phone I had because he was picking something up for me. It’s like our conversation didn’t even happen!
Our short exchange ended with him saying I was being mean, again, and that I was making it hard for him to concentrate on anything today. And me saying “stop texting me” which I hope he respects, but I have a feeling he might not. I’m glad my friend showed me how to block people on my iPhone.