This post is a little bit of a rant, a little bit of an overshare possibly. So if you’re not ok with some widely over-generalized statements, or some straight up ranting, or a conversation on sex, or if you have this idea in your mind of me being a marshmallow cupcake who is super innocent and you can’t imagine me writing about sex (let’s face it, I kind of am and I usually don’t) and the world will crash down around you and your ideal of me will melt into nothingness and you’ll be left searching for meaning in life to read otherwise, please feel free to skip this post. I won’t mind.
I don’t usually talk about sex on my blog. It’s just not something that I do. That doesn’t mean that I can’t talk about it, but I guess my personality just leads to not talking about it. When I do write about sex on my blog, I’m open about it. This is my safe place to write what I want and when I want.
When I started writing about my online dating life (remember that series I wrote last summer? Oh, the memories!) I gave a little peek into my sex life and wrote about how I’m abstinent. And I’m actually really proud of that fact. At first, it was a religious choice (I’m a Christian) but then it morphed into a personal one. No, I’m not waiting necessarily until marriage, but yes I am waiting. But that doesn’t in any way mean that I’m a nun and have no sexual experience at all.
What I really hate though, is when I’m having a conversation with someone and the subject comes up that I’m abstinent (which I totally understand is such a rarity for someone my age), some people, mostly men, get all “omg how can you even do that? Do you not get horny? How often do you masturbate?” Way to jump from having a normal conversation to pushing into my private life where you don’t belong. Note, this doesn’t apply to people who are close to me and who have earned the respect and trust to have a personal conversation like that. Then it’s totally fine. But if I hardly know you, don’t ask me. And if we’re talking on a dating app and you’ve literally been talking to me for less than an hour – don’t even go there!
My favourite line so far, which was really recent, and which prompted this post, was “well, of course, you’re a woman, women don’t have the same sexual appetite as men.”
And I’m just like HOLD UP.
First of all, don’t think for a second that just because I choose not to have sex with every single guy I date, that I don’t have a sexual appetite. Because I do. Or don’t assume that some women don’t have the same sex drive as men, because we do. Men can be so wrong sometimes and it seriously pisses me off! I say this because not a single woman who I’ve had a conversation about sex with has ever said anything even remotely close.
And I know this guy and his personality and he’s so vanilla. Which in the aftermath of being just totally thrown off by the statement, had me calling him vanilla and pondering kind of to myself but also to him how he would even know what a sexual appetite is because of how vanilla he is (yeah…I know…when I get provoked sometimes I get mean) and then I was reminded of a Post Secret I saw a while ago. Do you know about Post Secret? This guy gets postcards with secrets written on them from all over the world and he puts them on the internet and makes books and stuff. So the one I saw a few weeks ago said something like “I may be saving myself for marriage but my honeymoon is going to be kinker than anything you’ve ever done” and I found myself paraphrasing it to this person because I was so thrown off by what he was saying.
And no, this isn’t someone that I’m linked to romantically (boys are stupid right now and none of them deserve any of my time or attention), just a person who I know. But I was just…wow…
Now I find myself in the particular point of my post where I had a place I wanted to take it but now that I’ve spent the whole time getting my words right, I have forgotten where I wanted to go and how I wanted to end. So I guess it’s just gotta be that men need to stop being so stupid. I warned you at the start there was going to be some sort of over-generalizing statements happening here and that’s one of them. Men! Stop being so stupid! It’s frustrating! And you’re making me really dislike you.