Sexual Appetites

This post is a little bit of a rant, a little bit of an overshare possibly. So if you’re not ok with some widely over-generalized statements, or some straight up ranting, or a conversation on sex, or if you have this idea in your mind of me being a marshmallow cupcake who is super innocent and you can’t imagine me writing about sex (let’s face it, I kind of am and I usually don’t) and the world will crash down around you and your ideal of me will melt into nothingness and you’ll be left searching for meaning in life to read otherwise, please feel free to skip this post. I won’t mind. 

I don’t usually talk about sex on my blog. It’s just not something that I do. That doesn’t mean that I can’t talk about it, but I guess my personality just leads to not talking about it. When I do write about sex on my blog, I’m open about it. This is my safe place to write what I want and when I want.

When I started writing about my online dating life (remember that series I wrote last summer? Oh, the memories!) I gave a little peek into my sex life and wrote about how I’m abstinent. And I’m actually really proud of that fact. At first, it was a religious choice (I’m a Christian) but then it morphed into a personal one. No, I’m not waiting necessarily until marriage, but yes I am waiting. But that doesn’t in any way mean that I’m a nun and have no sexual experience at all.

What I really hate though, is when I’m having a conversation with someone and the subject comes up that I’m abstinent (which I totally understand is such a rarity for someone my age), some people, mostly men, get all “omg how can you even do that? Do you not get horny? How often do you masturbate?” Way to jump from having a normal conversation to pushing into my private life where you don’t belong. Note, this doesn’t apply to people who are close to me and who have earned the respect and trust to have a personal conversation like that. Then it’s totally fine. But if I hardly know you, don’t ask me. And if we’re talking on a dating app and you’ve literally been talking to me for less than an hour – don’t even go there!

My favourite line so far, which was really recent, and which prompted this post, was “well, of course, you’re a woman, women don’t have the same sexual appetite as men.”

And I’m just like HOLD UP.

First of all, don’t think for a second that just because I choose not to have sex with every single guy I date, that I don’t have a sexual appetite. Because I do. Or don’t assume that some women don’t have the same sex drive as men, because we do. Men can be so wrong sometimes and it seriously pisses me off! I say this because not a single woman who I’ve had a conversation about sex with has ever said anything even remotely close.

And I know this guy and his personality and he’s so vanilla. Which in the aftermath of being just totally thrown off by the statement, had me calling him vanilla and pondering kind of to myself but also to him how he would even know what a sexual appetite is because of how vanilla he is (yeah…I know…when I get provoked sometimes I get mean) and then I was reminded of a Post Secret I saw a while ago. Do you know about Post Secret? This guy gets postcards with secrets written on them from all over the world and he puts them on the internet and makes books and stuff. So the one I saw a few weeks ago said something like “I may be saving myself for marriage but my honeymoon is going to be kinker than anything you’ve ever done” and I found myself paraphrasing it to this person because I was so thrown off by what he was saying.

And no, this isn’t someone that I’m linked to romantically (boys are stupid right now and none of them deserve any of my time or attention), just a person who I know. But I was just…wow…

Now I find myself in the particular point of my post where I had a place I wanted to take it but now that I’ve spent the whole time getting my words right, I have forgotten where I wanted to go and how I wanted to end. So I guess it’s just gotta be that men need to stop being so stupid. I warned you at the start there was going to be some sort of over-generalizing statements happening here and that’s one of them. Men! Stop being so stupid! It’s frustrating! And you’re making me really dislike you.

26 thoughts on “Sexual Appetites

  1. Don’t let them get under your skin. There was a time when I didn’t date for 3 years. It didn’t mean I didn’t have any sexual appetite, but it meant sex mattered more to me when it was with someone I cared about.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That’s funny. Women don’t have the same sexual appetite as men? He’s obviously been with the wrong women, it’s that they didn’t have the appetite when it concerned him, or both. Just ignore the noise and do your thing. Nothing wrong with holding out for someone you really like. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

            • Definitely would have! I have an “open and honest” policy and even write in dating profiles about my abstinence (and alopecia) so that usually deters the losers. I do get some “well what about this or this” type of guys, trying to find the limits but at least that’s a conversation I don’t mind having when it’s a respectful exchange and not a “let’s push your boundaries to see what I can convince you to do”

              Liked by 2 people

                • Haha I’m honestly not even looking for anything right now. I’ve taken myself completely off the market. Dating is certainly difficult! But what’s more difficult is trying to date when all your feelings are wrapped up in someone else. That’s what I was trying to do – to get over them. Seemed like a good idea. It wasn’t. So Im just done for right now. Which is the exact same mind set I had when this other person happened into my life. Maybe I just need to be in that “ughhh dating SUCKS no more dating!!!” Mode before I find someone to fall for? The whole when you least expect it theory and all that lol

                  Liked by 1 person

  3. So my mind went straight to…obviously the women he’s been with haven’t been all that excited about leaping back into bed with him, ergo, women don’t have the drive of men (when obviously he’s no good in bed and needs a roadmap and women can’t be bothered providing him with one!).

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL I kind of feel that someone with his (claimed) experience shouldn’t need a roadmap? Lol I’ve never had to be like “um dude no do this” poor guy needs to watch Orange is the New Black when Sofia is explaining things to the inmates


  4. Let me just interject here to say that for the last um… many years… I have an enormous sexual appetite and my husband has a small one. It’s very frustrating, to say the least.

    So… “women don’t have the same sexual appetite as men”

    That’s actually true — women have MORE than men.

    I think I would have told that guy to fuck off. But I’m bitchy like that. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • Men can be such creeps. Women can have HUGE sexual appetites just as men can have very little sex drives. It’s not a man vs. woman at all. I’ve met all kinds of men- men who have straight up sex addictions to men who are good with sex a couple times a month. The same exact thing can be said of women.
      I’m not abstinent, but I understand the waiting thing. I’ve only had penetrative sex with four men and only one of those was not a man I was in a committed relationship with. I’ve also only been single for like a year of my adult sex. I really only like sex with someone I’m committed to and can trust.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG I’m rolling my eyes and gnashing my teeth here in Oz! What an idiot he sounds like :/
    As someone who has slept with both men and women, I have to say it depends on the chemistry of the couple generally… and yes, most women seem to have slightly more ‘capacity’ for more pleasure… but nothing that a good willing man can’t step up to!
    Thanks for sharing so personally T; I’ve gone several years at a time without sex when it suited me (for various reasons), and I do think it’s overated… but then again, it’s SO AWESOME when it’s part of a loving, trusting, fun relationship with someone ❤
    Just keep being YOU honey, that's all that matters xx G

    Liked by 1 person

    • hehe I can’t imagine what I would have said if it had been a conversation we were having in person. Thankfully, it was one over text message but still! So infuriating!

      I’ve gone all my years without sex lol, but I definitely have a large sexual appetite despite that. It just makes it harder haha But thankfully there are ways to satisfy it while still keeping to my own perceptions of how I want to live my own life.

      I’m glad I wrote the post, G. I almost took it down once I finished it. It’s been a while since I shared something so personal for various reasons but I’m glad that I was able to push through the “omg maybe I shouldn’t” and just do it!

      Liked by 1 person

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