What I’m afraid of…

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Once more for the lists. Does anyone else feel like there is a difference between something that you’re afraid of and a fear?

Like, okies, I see it like this: I’m afraid of things, I have fears of the unknown. Does that make sense?

I am straight up afraid of clowns. It all goes back to a dream I had when I was 4. I remember it vividly to this day and I still hate clowns. Not the cute little cartoon clowns. They are fine. It’s when people dress up as clowns. Even if they are at a kid’s birthday party – that’s creepy and they best stay away from me. 2nd asked me one day what would happen if there was a clown at 4th’s birthday party. And I was like “GAH….like I’d go, but I’m going to stay as far away from that clown as possible and it better not try to come up behind me because I will scream and start to cry. I’m not even kidding.”

“what if 4th wanted a picture with you and the clown”

“no”

“what if (my boyfriend at the time) was going to propose to you and he had the clown hold the ring for him but you had to take the ring from the clown after he was done?”

And then the what if’s just kept getting more and more ridiculous from there. They ended somewhere around a burning car and people trapped inside and the only way to save them was to work with the clown or something.

I’m also afraid of spiders. I can deal with common house spiders no problem (although I will make anyone else kill them if it’s possible) which is good because no one at my work will kill a spider. The kids will go to school and tell their mom to tell me to kill a spider that they saw at 7:30 am that morning and I don’t arrive until 2:30. Um yeah…ok…I most definitely killed that spider…

Heights are definitely on the list as well. If you give me a step stool to reach something, I will go no further than literally the first step. And if that doesn’t make my 5’6 self tall enough to reach it, then oh wells…guess I didn’t need that after all.

PS: I have spent the majority of my adult life believing that I’m 5’7. Then 4th measures me the other day because she found a measuring tape and that means we all had to be measured and it turns out I’m only 5’6. I feel like my whole life has been a lie now.

But then there are things that I fear. You know regular things like death, not finding love, or actually finding that person that I can be truly vulnerable with enough to be comfortable without my wig. Oooo that’s a big one. Which seems a little hypocritical (I’m scared of not finding someone but then I’m also scared of actually finding them), but I don’t even feel that comfortable around my immediate family. I was planning on making a Giggling Follower’s post of me sans Doris, but I’ve chickened out. Maybe one day. Then why even tell us, T?! Well because this is my blog and I do what I want when I want and I’m trying to be honest. Gimmie a break!

The one thing that I am most in fear of at this moment though is that the tickle in the back of my throat won’t go away and all the Caribbean Aunties will hear me continue to cough and clear my throat and force me to eat another clove of raw garlic. I am most certainly not mentally prepared to do that again…even though the first piece definitely helped. Thankfully Granny is going out for the day with one of the aunties so that’s two out of the house. *hides in my room with a cup of tea and my book pretending that everything is ok*

This post is part of my 30 Days of Writing Challenge. 

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34 thoughts on “What I’m afraid of…”

  3. Sharks, like I can’t even look at a picture of them and I get panicked even swimming in a swimming pool because I fee like they are there…chasing me, so stupid!!
    Also old portraits (for example the very famous Mona Lisa) the eyes freak me out, I feel like I’m being watched!!

    Clowns are creepy and I used to be scared of Santa but I’m good with them now!!

    As for actual fears, my main one is people I love dying! I don’t think I fear dying myself but losing my people I can’t even bear to think about!

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  5. Hmm…I feel left out. i don’t have anything like that that I am afraid of. I think clowns are creepy, and I get a little freaked out when mice or spiders are running towards me. I’m not really afraid of them though…

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  7. I could probably do a whole series of posts for things I’m afraid of. Like, a year-long series.

    And this:
    “PS: I have spent the majority of my adult life believing that I’m 5’7. Then 4th measures me the other day because she found a measuring tape and that means we all had to be measured and it turns out I’m only 5’6. I feel like my whole life has been a lie now.”

    The exact same thing happened to me a few months ago! I have been 5’7″ for my entire adult life… but at my last physical, they told me 5’6.5″ I was horrified! LOL So silly. I mean, damn, 29 is too young to start shrinking… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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