The first official post for my 30 Day Challenge!
For someone who is just overcoming a big realization that something is just not going to work with someone, this is kind of a hard but also an easy post to write. This past year I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to win my heart. There’s nothing super crazy, it’s honestly just simple things.
- Silly banter – this is a MUST. It’s also how I just generally talk to most people so it may come off that I’m flirting with someone when I’m really not because I just enjoy some silly back and forth nonsense. But it also means that if you can’t (or won’t because “it’s childish”) slip into this sort of silliness, things just aren’t going to work. For instance: if I send you a text message saying that I’ll be in Spinach all day and can’t text because there’s no cell reception there, don’t ask questions – ask for a souvenir or something.
- Learn about me – this may seem like a really basic idea, but after some experiences in dating this past year, it has to be on the list. Pick up on little things, like how I always say things are “bananas” and then bring me a banana. Ask me about my life. Don’t just let me sit there asking you questions about your life and then have nothing to add to that so by the end of our time together I know everything about you but you know nothing about me. “What’s your middle name?”…“I don’t have one”…“Oh really? That’s kind of uncommon”… “yeah” what comes next would most likely be YOU asking ME what my middle name is, or something along those lines. If you don’t know my last name and we’ve been dating for 6 weeks, there’s a problem there.
- Show you want to spend time with me – ask me what my work schedule is, or can we squeeze in coffee before/after work that day. Even if we can’t make it work, you asking is what matters. I hate having to initiate every single thing. It makes me feel like I’m pestering the person. If I have to ask 3 times during the week to make plans for Saturday and then on Saturday we STILL don’t have anything actually planned, I’m going to think you don’t want to spend time with me and I’ll stop putting in the effort.
- Give me time to miss you – this one really works. I really love how cell phones and texting or messaging has made it so easy to stay connected with people. But sometimes it’s all a little too much. Texting all day and then a two-hour phone call at night? Let me have some quiet time to realize how much I enjoy talking to you. I’ll probably just send you a picture of a sad panda wanting to be a unicorn because I miss talking to you, but still – I’m silly like that.
- Offer to experience things you might not like just because I like them – trust me, I’ll do the same for you. Sure I suck at playing video/computer games but I’ll sit and play and make a fool of myself and pout when I’m sucking at it just because you like it. Or I’ll google and learn about something you mentioned because I don’t understand the reference because I want to know what you like and what makes you happy. But show the same interest back. You don’t have to like watching Disney movies or do it all the time, but like once is good.
I guess most of those can all be rolled into one “invest your time and show some effort” but I had to break it down into 5 different ones. Over this past year especially, I have learned so much about myself and how I’ve changed as a person over the last few years. I know what makes me happy and it’s honestly just the small things that make me take notice.