Not for the Squeamish

Fair warning….this post is probably going to make you sick to your stomach. Fully prepare yourself before clicking the “read more”.

I’ve been experiencing a little bit of writer’s block lately. Not because my life has nothing going on – I almost got all up in the face of a black belt karate sensei last night because he made one of my kids cry, twice during a one-hour karate lesson at the YMCA. That’s one heck of an interesting rant. But am I writing about it? No.

One of my kids just started grade 6. She’s jumping head first into social studies and I get to spend at least an hour every night talking about Latin American politics because she’s learning about Hugo Chavez and the Venezuelan crisis right now. I loves me some dysfunctional Latin American political rants. Poli-Sci Giggling Fattie excels at them! Am I writing about that? No.

And why not? Imma tell you why – cos I’m living in a gushy-mushy world right now.  My day is spent sending silly text messages with inside jokes and adorable little references. This isn’t the girl that I am – I don’t know what has happened to her, but she’s gone. As Taylor Swift would say “she’s dead”. Seriously, what the fudge muffin is happening that I’m quoting Taylor sugar cookie Swift?! 

So in order to rid myself of this writer’s block, I have decided to just get all the gushy out in one sitting. Are you ready? I’m not ready, but it’s going to happen. And ya’ll will either be going “awwww” or barfing by the end of it. Do not say I didn’t warn you. I have a garbage bin standing by because I am so not the gushy-mushy type. But here is a list of just some of the cute things that Mr Potential does:

  1. He always holds doors open for me. Always. Doesn’t matter if he somehow is like 3 people behind me, he will rush up and open that door. He’s taller than me so he will literally reach over my head and pull the door open around me if I’ve already started opening the door by myself.
  2. If I’m cold and I need to put on a sweater and go to put my bag on the ground, or if I’m trying to zip up my purse on the subway only using one hand, he holds my bag. I have a friend who was married and he refused to hold his wife’s bag. Like he would never ever even touch it. She’d ask for her cell phone from the front pocket and he would bring the whole bag, stretched out like it was a poopy diaper or something.
  3. The other day we were waiting in line at the movies, and he checked his phone because he got a text I sent super late (he was in the subway when I sent it) so he laughed at what it said and half showed me his phone. So I saw he had actually downloaded a picture of me and saved it so my face pops up whenever I send a message. Adorable. Like I totally did the same thing except I used a selfie we took at the CNE, but for some reason knowing he did it was like seeing a brand new baby hippo. Too much cuteness.
  4. That same day, we were watching American Assassin and one part was totally icky (torture techniques) and I was whispering “omg gross” to myself over and over cos it was nasty and he just leans over and goes “Do you want to leave?” Of course, I said no because I love movies like American Assassin but I just hate the blood and guts lol.
  5. He always says goodnight. If he’s working a wedding and knows he’ll be busy, the text will come at like 9 pm when I’m not even close to being ready to sleep but I always get a goodnight text. I’m always up first so he gets good morning texts.
  6. He always checks in on me to make sure I get home ok.
  7. I hate clowns but he always puts little clown emojis in our text messages. It’s a cute clown so I’m ok with it. I also hate Drake so now the new thing is zombie clown Drake.
  8. He says he has an army of clowns that are stationed at my house…to which I reply I have an army of hippos. So far no wars have started between the two but my hippos will crush the clowns if they get out of hand.
  9. He will indulge 4th in her crazy seven-year-old imaginary world
  10. He talks in “rest of my life” terms. Yesterday he was power sanding something so I told him to be careful and not to lose any fingers on his left hand (I’m always on his left side so that’s the hand I hold) and he sends me a picture of his left hand with his thumb tucked under like it’s missing. Being the silly man he is, he says I now have to open ketchup bottles for him for the rest of his life and be around when he needs to offer thumbs up or thumbs down.
  11. Early this morning, I woke up at 4am. It sucked. I’m kind of tired and a little cranky today. But we had this conversation this morning (tired and cranky T only sends emoji’s when she wakes up not words or sentences…and yes I actually was reading Beatrix Potter last night. I got that book from the thrift store and who doesn’t want to read about Peter Cotton Tail?)21752193_10101598088371770_5554906747676598786_n21686207_10101598088336840_1186827758676718980_n See? He’s such a dork lol

Ok….so that’s all out of my system now so it means this writer’s block is going to leave too, right? RIGHT!?

Gah I need to go vomit from all the cuteness. Is it possible to get diabetis from a conversation like that? Someone send help.

26 thoughts on “Not for the Squeamish

  1. So, this Mr. Potential sounds like a Mr. Perfect for you. Humorous and all. I kinda like mushy-gushy stories, so your writing didn’t make me sick – it made me smile. And, don’t worry, you made me chuckle too. Thanks for sharing your Taylor sugar cookie Swift side! 😂😍

    Liked by 1 person

          • Okay, story time as you guffawed (lol) at my “not too early.” It was about a month and a half after I started dating someone when my girlfriend and I were giving him a hard time that we should go to Vegas and “just see what happens,” eluding to possibly getting married of course. He took it well, but then proposed a month later. And I think you know the rest… I’m now almost 18 years in. 😀 I was all of 32 at the time… soooo… just saying. ;D (I’m teasing you, of course… just have a great time, and yes, you guys are too cute) 😀

            Liked by 1 person

            • awww that’s such a great story!! I know it can *totally* happen in a short amount of time. A childhood friend of mine, her parents met on a blind date and married 3 weeks later. When I knew them, they had been together for over 25 years and still going strong. I think when you know, you just know.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Being a little more rational | No Love for Fatties

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