Happiness is…

Never owning a scale. 

I’m serious – happiness (for me) is never owning a scale.

I hate scales. They are just little judgemental rectangles that sit on the floor of your bathroom (or bedroom if you’re really serious) and taunt you.

Growing up, my mum was obsessed with her scale (still is if you ask me) and that definitely shaped how I felt about my own body and weight. She was constantly asking my dad “I’m not that fat am I?” as she would point to other women when we were out in public. What a way to implant a self-judgmental attitude into a young girl! I think I went on my first diet when I was around 10.

Now, before I go on to condemn my mother, I really do have to defend her. She was born in the late 50’s and raised in a household where size mattered. I guess in a culture where size mattered. She views herself as the black sheep of the family since she is the tallest and the biggest. And when she had children, she just started to put on the weight. Over my childhood, she would diet, join weight watchers, do all the things for a few weeks, be upset about how she looked and how she wasn’t getting instantly smaller. And it all went back to the scale.

The scale would influence how she felt about herself.

When I was in high school, my mum was working full time, and she had joined a gym. She would be buying smaller clothes but her weight wouldn’t be going down. Oh how this would torment her! She didn’t account for things like muscle weighing more than fat, or how her body was adjusting to her new work out routine. That number didn’t change and that was the end all, be all.

She would be upset about the size of her children (both my brother and I were on the heavier side growing up) but more so for me. She never pushed us to do anything athletic or to change up the food we were eating as a family. Yet she was always so concerned about our size. Voicing this concern to her sisters and friends and always getting the same response “oh they’ll shoot right up when they are teenagers and thin out.” That’s not exactly how it works, ladies.

But I have decided to live scale free. And let me tell you! It’s amazing.

I know kind of where I am weight-wise, usually within 5lbs. But I literally could not care less.

Once I lost the scale and the idea that the scale was the deciding factor in my happiness, I flourished!

I no longer care about the number on the scale. I know that if I take my weight in the morning, it might be up to 3lbs different by the time I go to bed. Women have strange bodies – water weight or where we are in our cycles can change our weight drastically over the day.

While my mum will weigh herself every morning when she first wakes up, I’m having breakfast. The way to start a day great is to eat something delicious and not look at numbers near my toes.

Over the last few months, I’ve been telling you guys about how my clothes are too big – even the ones that I literally just bought. So I’ve decided to see if I’ve actually lost weight, or if it the shape of my body was just changing.

I took notice of my weight at Christmas time. When I got a new doctor in April, he took my weight. This was the first time I was on a scale since Christmas. I had lost 15lbs.  I felt like I had dropped some weight, but again, not really of a big concern for me. The bigger victory was being able to walk home from work up the big hill without getting winded in all my winter gear, being able to play with the kidlets longer, or being able to control the dogs easier while walking them. I  could feel my body getting stronger, not thinner.

I’m not doing anything crazy or insane to do that. I’m honestly just living a happy life. I don’t care if I order a pizza on the weekend because I have no scale to taunt me “are you sure you want to eat that?” Which of course, the answer is always yes. The answer to pizza is always going to be yes.

I can see my body changing now. I actually look taller as my pudge is slimming out. I have a 7-year-old who throws a little bit of a whine-fest whenever an adult mentions I look thinner because she thinks I’m going to lose my squishy tummy. I don’t think I’ll ever lose my squishy tummy. Or at least not while she’s still at the age to want to lay on it.

It’s been a while since the start of April, and as I can see myself changing again, I decided to step on the scale. Another 10lbs since April gone. I found this out the second day of my vacation.

And what have I been doing at least 5 times over the last two weeks?

Stepping on the freaking scale!

It’s there and it’s like I’m drawn to it! I need to know all the time. Did I go up? Did I go down? Did eating a big breakfast really make it go up 1.4 lbs?! Should I have really eaten those gummy bears? (again, yes!) And I can feel my happiness slipping away while I focus on those numbers.

While I’m sad to know that my vacation is ending, I am also super excited to get back to my happy, non-scale life. Knowing that the numbers by my toes shouldn’t have so much power over my happiness. Dropping the power that the scale has over my life has been, and probably always will be, a great achievement in my life.

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16 thoughts on “Happiness is…

  1. I 100% agree. Having a scale around full-time is not good for anyone’s mental health. When I was living with a roommate, she kept one in the bathroom and I had to fight the urge to jump on it everyday, but I refuse to have one myself, because like you said, muscle weighs more than fat, but we have been programmed to think: the higher the number, the fatter we are, which is not true at all! Good for you for losing the weight. I’m sure you feel so much better. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do feel better! Super annoyed that the new shorts/pants I just bought are getting too big now but, like my brother says, thats a good problem to have. I don’t think I will ever have a scale. My mom keeps hers in her bedroom which I think is even worse! For a while there she was weighing herself every single day! Basically a daily chip away at her self-worth.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I really need to ditch my scale. It’s been serving as an instrument of torture for me for as long as I can remember. I also had a mother who used to weight herself constantly and say really awful things about her weight/body. Not surprisingly I started dieting when I was around 10 and had a full blown eating disorder by the time I was a teenager. Even though I’ve been in recovery for 10+ years now the scale still taunts me and we don’t always have the best relationship. Le sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes ditch it!! Honestly it’s such a weight (no pun intended) off your shoulders when it’s not around any more. Like I still weigh myself at times, since it is kind of good to know, but just being home this past week has been a challenge with a scale being around all the time. I’m glad that you were able to get yourself into a recovery mode. I know a few personally who haven’t been able to break out of their eating disorders. It’s such a fight to change your mind set and to keep on loving yourself through that 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I never understood the need to know your weight constantly it seems it would just put more pressure on you. Back home I had a scale but I barely ever used it since arriving in Korea I’ve found that all my pants are too big and since my place has a scale I was able to weight myself… Except I have no idea how much I weighed when I arrived 😆

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol!! I had to have a medical when I arrived but they didn’t tell me how much I weighed! But I like the clothes fitting test. Although in Korea I wasn’t sure of it was the clothes or the fact that I didn’t have a dryer shrinking my jeans back down after every wash haha

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