An Open Letter

I have been undeniably wronged, and I deserve an apology! 

Dear Body:

Yes, you! I just have one simple question for you:

What in the name of the Sweet Baby Jesus is wrong with you?!

I am over this! You are being a cranky panda and I am so done with your attitude. I did nothing to deserve this! Especially when I am on the cusp of an actual date with an actual decent man. 

I get it, the first part of this week you couldn’t control. It happens every single month and I guess I need to get used to that. But I’m still gonna be angry about it. But now?! NOW!!! When it’s so nice out and I want to be sitting with a cold glass of something in my backyard enjoying the last month in this amazing apartment you decide to get sick?! There is no excuse!!! The Wifi even reaches back there!!

You couldn’t have done this, oh I don’t know, in the middle of winter when I was more than happy to be stuck at home under blankets drinking tea? Not just as the sun is shining and the spring rain has stopped and I finally don’t need a jacket to be outdoors?

All I wanted to do was enjoy it. Not be sitting here with razor blades in my throat every time I want to swallow, or not being able to breathe through my nose.

Oh, and another thing! This “waking up at 5 am just because I can thing” is going to stop. Do you not remember how I have an alarm set on my phone? Every day? At 7:30? 5 am is not 7:30!! And then forcing me to have a massive headache on top of that because you didn’t get enough sleep because you were awake at 5 fudge muffin o’clock in the morning!? Yeah, this isn’t going to work.

Like I said – I’ve had enough! Pull yourself together! You have until I wake up tomorrow morning. Which better be at 7:30!


I may have ingested too much Buckley’s.

PS: I hate you right now.


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