Online Dating Saga(ODS) Part III

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Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

So yeah, I reactivated my online dating profile Monday evening. And while the “success” stories are cute and nice and uplifting, I really think it’s the failures that are more interesting.

Those who have done this online dating thing before will know the ones I’m talking about – those who you just think “Why did you send me a message? Did you even read my profile?!”

I’m pretty open and honest on my profile. I made a few changes to it when I reactivated it, changed up the pictures a little bit. It definitely reads like me. The best thing about the site I’m on is that you also have to answer questions about yourself and then it matches you with people with similar interests. It gives you a percentage of how well you match and how much you don’t. This is a very good indicator – generally.

So yesterday, was the first full day that I had it up and running again. I find it exhausting to go through matches and profiles, but I also think that if I want something to come from this I need to be active in my search as well. So I spent a little time on the site.

I got a few messages from a few different guys. Usually the generic “hey”. Guys: why do you do that? Can you really not think of any other words to say? I made like a thousand sassy little jokes and comments on my profile, just mention one thing to show you’ve actually read it. Or say more than just “hey”. And if you are really too shy to say anything else, please have at least something written on your profile so I can get a sense of who you are! Just like with blogging – if you’re “about me” page is the one that comes as a default, I probably am not going to be subscribing…

This one guy sent a pretty decent message. It was very informative and stuff and he sounded nice. I checked out his profile, and it seemed all good until I get to his “data” section – which has like height, body type, wants kids, religion, etc.

So on my profile, it says that I’m a Christian and it’s important to me – because obviously. And in my questions, it says that I’m more of a dog person because I’m allergic to short-haired cats.

I’m reading over this guy’s profile and guess what – atheist AND has a short-haired cat.

I try not to judge people on their religious beliefs or their spirituality, and I say in my profile that a guy doesn’t have to be religious just respect that I am. I’ve had very successful relationships in the past with guys who don’t really follow any religion or are more “spiritual” (whatever that means haha). But never atheists. I guess that’s a bias that I take into all of this.

I message the guy since I was impressed by this first message to me and say that I don’t think we’d match well but wished him the best. He asks why. So I write back asking how he would feel with me being so religious and also I’m allergic to cats (I’m not going to make him get rid of his beautiful cat. I’m not heartless).

He persists so we spend a little bit of time talking. I’m not feeling it, and then he mentions about his friend who is staying with him who is allergic to cats but isn’t really bothered by the one he owns. Which is great for his friend! But short-haired cats affect me so badly I can’t breathe. I say this again to him and then it was “ok sorry for bothering you.”

Like dude, I literally told you this almost an hour ago.

I understand that some people want to find their person – but I think you also have to be open to what the other person is saying. He was a nice enough guy, basically checked all the right boxes, but why try to pursue something that is basically going to uproot a major part of your life?

Sometimes I just don’t get it!

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34 thoughts on “Online Dating Saga(ODS) Part III”

  1. Back when I was doing on-line dating, the preponderance of responses were “I saw your ad. If you’re interested, get back to me.” Like, seriously? You couldn’t even be bothered to tell me what you found interesting?

    The memorable ones were:
    — The guy who wrote what was obviously a form letter that, at the bottom, read “When you answer, tell me which one you are. I answer a lot of these.”
    — The guy who said “I read your profile, and we have a lot in common. I, too, enjoy basketball and water skiing.” Neither of which was anywhere in my profile.
    — I had said “Please, no single dads,” and approximately 20 of the responses said “I know you said no single dads, but I know you’d change your mind if you met my kid.’
    — This was back in the days of dial-up, and I had a slow modem. I also said “Please send e-mail responses only; my modem is slow and IMs freeze my computer.” I lost track of how many guys IMd me, including the one who said “I know you said no IMs, but you’ll just have to deal with it.’ Um, no. If you can’t respect a request that simple, I am not interested in meeting you.

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    • Oh goodness!! I’ve tried online dating before but never with a serious intention behind it. Now I just don’t have time for the energy for those types of guys lol! My biggest thing is where like I’m very open about my religious beliefs and how they affect some aspects of my life (like I have a handful of tattoos but I’m not going to sleep with you) and then guys who answer all these questions about how they like rough sex and *need* it within the first few dates message and I just delete their messages without even replying lol

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  2. You’re definitely going to have guys who just want sex. That’s the case with guys (and girls sometimes, too) that you meet anywhere. As for the religion part of this… I am a non-practicing anything. But I will say that I’m kind of the opposite of you on that — if someone is too religious, it makes me very uncomfortable (if they are always talking about it or pushing it on me or suggesting it will fix everything in my life, etc. In fact, on that last one, it makes me downright angry). I have trouble taking a leap of faith with anything… not just religion… but I probably have more trouble with that than anything else. I need some factual basis or I’m not buying into it. It’s just how my mind works. Sames goes for thinking good things are going to happen in my life… I’m all negative and shit because I have no evidence that anything good is ever going to happen… so I don’t believe it…

    Okay, I didn’t intend for this to be such a long comment. 🙂 Yes, guys will want sex. I almost just said, it’s hard to… and then I realized those are not the right words at all… 😀

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  3. I don’t think guys understand how many times we just get “hey” on dating apps, you have to separate yourself from the crowd! Especially when online dating can be so painful, I can’t answer every hey that comes along. Props to you for even messaging the guy back and saying it wouldn’t work!

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  4. I really hate online dating. It is so frustrating trying to sort out the good from the bad. I met some real characters, one of whom actually made me feel quite threatened when I ended things after one date.

    I only ever dated four guys through online dating (the last one I married 😉 ).

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    • I’m kind of hating it as well! But if I can find someone who I connect with like the last one, but lasts, then I’ll be happy! Not sure how long I’ll stay on the site though….I have no energy to wade through all the characters lol

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  5. My sister is a strong Christian. We grew up in a pretty pro god house, both my parents are ministers. Her husband is an atheist. He can get into pretty big convos about it. It was a challenge. But he also realized her faith was part of her, part of what made her love life and be who she is. And he is the crazy outspoken teacher who thinks facts prove the absence of god and yet he respects those with faith and is willing to debate it with people who like that and also knows when to start a conversation on something less inflammatory- like political or the environment…. Jahhahahah. My point is that maybe the right person would understand your boundaries. Lots of atheists do feel like they need to educate because the bible thumpers be thumping. And they want to prove they aren’t just lazy and enjoy making grandma cry, they did their research. There’s a huge number of atheists who have been thoroughly challenged much like you will be challenged to defend your faith throughout life. That doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of doing it humbly and minimizing it if that discourse is not interesting . like… Ok lets move on that goes at the backpage. Aside from perhaps boundaries physically and some of your Sunday availability and maybe a few nuances in life, how is your religion going to affect the first few coffee dates which help you determine chemistry? My brother in law and sister are the most amazing team. It works and it takes work because things which matter are hard. Just think about it. Or dont. Your life is your life.

    Oh. And cats die and also can live innbasemebts. And I have mad terrible cat allergies but I no longer nreact to my cats, just cats who dont live with me. And allergy shots for love… Not unheard of. (When you find someone you may like, why cross them out without even testing the water. Who knows what tomorrow holds.)

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    • These are good points, and actually I was more concerned about the cat than the religious thing. But again, it’s still an issue for me. I don’t want those big arguments or that struggle. And I couldn’t live in a house with a short-haired cat. In the basement or not. My religion doesn’t affect those first few coffee dates, but it does give me the idea of “dating with purpose” and if I can’t see the future in it with someone then I don’t date them. Not even to “test the chemistry” over coffee. I’m not looking for a few dates, I’m looking for something long-term. If there is no connection with that person, even in a few short messages online, then I’m not wasting my time or theirs with it.

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      • But whos to say they wont get rid of their cat? Not always a thing but its also not…. Impossible. I have a cat in my life who is possibly the dumbest feline on earth and he is my freebie cat who walked into my life because the “right guy” walked into his owners…. You seem downright adorable and some folks will give up a pet. Besides my guess is yiu wouldn’t live with this person for a long time until you dated them, and wouldn’t live with them until you married them. ..? So…. Cats die. A lot. If they have an 11 year old cat that is likely to not be a long time cat. Maybe Youre their long time lady. I dunno. I just think that cats being a dealbreaker is hard. But…. More power to you. I apparently suck at picking spouses so dont worry about my view!

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    • I’ve actually had relationships with people who weren’t Christian and I actually didn’t have a problem with it. It’s more about respect for me. They were respectful of my spiritual side and growth and need to have that in my life, and I was respectful of their not wanting it. Surprisingly, when those relationships ended it had nothing to do with the religious side of things and (for the most part) we parted in a good way.

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  7. Online dating SUCKS!! That said, I met my ex online and we dated for 7 years. Not a fairy tale, happily-ever-after story, but we had a decent run. My absolute favorite online dating experience was when I was contacted by an “adult baby”. He actually something like, “Hey sexy baby poopy pants” (no commas in his message). W.T.F.

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  9. I too answer the “hey”s on occasion, but after reading your super accurate post, I realize I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t be taking this too seriously, but come on, I’ve had enough with one-word messages from random guys. Normal guys are extinct or what? I think my soul got seriously damaged from online dating sites! I used to be such a nice and patient person prior.

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    • Oh no!!! I’m sorry your soul has been damaged but I can see how that could happen! I’m starting to get a little cynical myself. I know how hard it is to message someone that you really connect with their profile so I’m trying to be a little more open. So if I’m on the app, it will show me as “online” on the website so if I get a “hey” during those times then they know I’m there. I think it all depends on their profile ya know? Like if you just say “hey” and I go to your profile and there is literally NOTHING there, I’m not replying, I’m sorry. But a simple hey can get my attention to a great profile as well. I wouldn’t say I follow the same rules all the time, it literally changes with each guy. Some I don’t ever feel comfortable giving my number to even after chatting for a week, and some after like 10 minutes I’m like “here’s my number” but that’s only happened MAYBE 3 times in my entire 30 years of life lol

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      • I guess you’re right. It really does depend on the guy and my online status. I guess I need a break. Up to my head with online dating 🙂 And my last “hey” message ended up with me being asked if I like sleeping in a room full of balloons, hahahahah, Weird as F&^%$# ! What happened to meeting organically…?

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