How things change

I’ve been going through some major changes lately. 

First of all, on Sunday I changed my cell phone number. It was weird calling him long distance when we are in the same city (yes, that’s right! The girl who hates talking on the phone will voluntarily call him and want to talk for hours). And it will be easier for my kids to get a hold of me if I have a Toronto number.  So this morning I had the goal of trying to get my number changed in all the places that it needed to be changed, and I hope I got all of them. At least the important places have been changed….I hope…..

But on a more deeper level, my feelings about certain things in life have changed. Ever since I was told for sure that I don’t have PCOS, it’s been like my brain has shifted in how it runs. Before, the hair situation was “ooo it’s because of PCOS”, but now it’s a little bit harder to explain. I kind of liked it being a symptom of PCOS because then at least there was a reason. Now the reason is I just have some DNA issues. Stupid DNA.

Secondly, and hold onto your hats for this one, maybe make sure you are sitting down and don’t have any liquid in your mouths. I can wait if you need a second……We good? Okies, here it is:

I kind of want children now.

I know – I heard that collective gasp all the way from my living room. And I’m not exactly sure what happened. Like I still think that those first 5 years of life are the worst and I’d never want to be responsible for a living thing during that time, but I also kind of want it to happen ya know?

The first night after I got the news from my doctor that I didn’t have PCOS, I had this dream that I was having a baby, and ever since then, it’s just been in the back of my mind that it’s something that I want.

The desire to have my own children (instead of adopting maybe) has just been getting bigger and bigger. And even more so since I started talking to him. Like not that I’m saying he changed my mind, but he’s so family oriented that if I ended up with him, or someone like him, I would definitely want to have children just because I know that’s important to them.

Maybe all those people who annoyed me with their “oo once you find the right guy you’ll change your mind” statements were actually right?! But my mind was definitely changing before I met this guy (again, not saying he’s the guy, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here).

Is this topic too deep for not even 10 am? I feel like I’m spiralling into some philosophical pit here ya’ll. Someone come and pull me out of it!


14 thoughts on “How things change

  1. my mum got married at 21 and was adament that she didnt want kids. Then one day 6 years down the line she suddenly decided she wanted them and here I am! So yeah people change their minds, its allowed and whether or not someone else influences your decision doesn’t matter because the point is its your decision.
    But congrats on the good PCOS news (I take it its good news besides the hair issue right) and I’m super excited for you and the potential guy

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Never underestimate the power of hormones! And we are biologically programmed to reproduce, generally speaking. I swore from when I was 16 I was never ever having kids; suddenly at 33, I met a perfect Dad & got pregnant very quickly. It’s good to be aware of our evolving needs… and write about them 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t know if I want kids. LOL. I’m serious, though. I never really did or didn’t. And then we had a baby. And then later, another one. But I never made a solid decision… You never know what will happen… things could turn out like you thought… or they can be totally the opposite.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Its about being comfortable in yourself. You ddidnt want them and now you do- because you’re ready. Women of our generation are empowered more than anyone before us to have agency. To have an opinion about when and how and if. And thats a huge responsibility which an 18 year old may just want to shelve for a good 8-13 years…. Because we can. Its part of the agency we have . that may end up changing a persons opportunities to have kids. But if you’re not gagging for them, waiting until you think “gee u know I might actually be good at that. I might make a good mom, raise a pretty awesome kid” is kindof the best thing! Its when you’re ready to not be selfish. Its when you’re ready to pick a partner who also has similar goals and doesn’t just rev your engine. Its quite sweet. Congratulations. You’re self actualizing. Thats awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Im 5 years older than you and I am so thankful I haven’t jumped on the baby train before I was ready- because my life would be even more of a traveling shit show I think. But I really admire the women who realize they want kids later. Sure the ones who know forever – thats great- but the ones who come to it later I think really go through a metamorphosis. If my life hadn’t been hit with a truth-by-four I think the past couple of years would have involved in thinking about and becoming a parent. But now its not. Thats dashed. And im not dying tonhave kids. But mothers day is still a weirdd day. Because its full of missed chances for me, but I don’t know what im missing. I think its courageous that you’re embracing the change.

        Liked by 1 person

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