What a day ya’ll, what a day!
So it’s only been two days since my last update and I’m not going to do the whole “breakdown by days” thing I was doing before because it’s super simple:
I’ve only been talking to him. We text every day, he is so easy to talk to – about anything! About everything.
Last night, as you all are well aware, we made plans for coffee today. I mentioned it a few days before and he seemed a little apprehensive about it. Then the next day said something like “I deleted my account. I’m sorry, I’m just worried about this online dating thing”.
I thought things we ending.
They didn’t. We kept talking. It was amazing.
Then this afternoon at 2:30 I got a text – he was sorry but he wasn’t going to be able to make it for coffee. It wasn’t me, it was him and emotions from his last relationship. I said it was ok, I was disappointed but it was ok. In my mind, I was like “yeah this is super fast, maybe it’s for the best.” But it literally made me cry – for about 20 seconds. The tears started to form, I stood up to walk the 3 steps to the tissues and it was finished. So yeah, he made me cry. Which I hated myself for! Cos it’s been less than a week – how insane is that?! But I also think it was partly from only getting about 4 hours of sleep….
Now, I know ya’ll are outraged – but put away your pitchforks. Hot Mess has any claims over pain since she has adopted me now as her little sister. Awesome for me because I’ve always wanted a sister AND she’s Italian and catholic and so is he! She can help me navigate if there are things that need to be navigated.
He called me after work, and we talked for almost 2 hours. He put me on Bluetooth so we could talk while he drove the whole way home (he literally works a 10-minute drive from me!) Then he sat in his car and we talked some more.
It was great. Like great. I wasn’t angry that he cancelled, a little hurt but now I know the whole story. He doesn’t want to stop whatever this is, or see anyone else, or get to know anyone else, and I’m glad for it. And I’m glad for that hour and 40 minutes of me just curled up on my couch listening to his voice (gah I almost threw up in my mouth I’m so gushy!) and finding out we both love white mochas.
I’m also glad for the disappointment that came from him cancelling. It broke that “infatuation fog” I was in. It hasn’t changed how I think of him or how much I like him (I am really surprised at it…still….) but it’s sliced through the immediate hype of it all. Which I think I needed.
I almost told him about my hair since he was complimenting my pictures. But I’m scared it might ruin things…but I know if it does then I wouldn’t want someone like that anyways. But I feel like I’m being dishonest. It’s also why there are so many selfies on my Instagram now (for those who have bridged the gap from blog friend to more than blog friend) because I want to make sure I am representing myself fully to him before we meet.
So bottom line: I totally understand and there are no hard feelings. We are still going to keep getting to know each other, and he wants to take me on a proper date. He says I deserve more than just coffee.
And just to keep with my old theme – May 12th: disabled online profile.