I officially have seven days to find a man.
4th reminds me of this every time I see her. Since the last time I saw her as on Saturday afternoon, I am sure that there will be a full line of questioning about my impending boyfriend.
As most of you will remember, on Valentine’s Day, I was issued a decree by 4th to find a boyfriend before the end of the month. The wording was “by February 31st” but that won’t fly when it’s March 1st. All reason will go out the window.
So I basically have two choices: find a boyfriend before March 1st OR 4th will not talk to me for all of March. Now, this does seem like a big bonus on my end – if she’s not talking to me, then she can’t talk back to me, or try to wiggle her way out of homework or anything. But then if she’s not talking to me, then I don’t get to hear she crazy stories or get sucked into her silly play world. I won’t be able to hear the cuteness in her voice when I ask her to put her clothes away and she says “No thank you. Maybe later,” because we are all working on using please and thank you right now. So there are lots of pros and cons to this situation.
But then the other part of me started thinking – if I were to get myself a boyfriend in the two week time frame she gave me (now down to one week), what exactly would I be looking for? I’ve kind of let my love life take a bit of a back seat for a long time. Much longer than I care to admit. I haven’t really been in the right head space for anything serious, and I wouldn’t want to waste my time with something that isn’t serious. However, moving about once a year for the last 5 years makes it hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to open up to someone if it just won’t last. I learned that the hard way after a few different moves.
So I started to think about what I’d need in a partner. 4th says I should just date one of my guy friends. Hunny Bunny – if only it were that easy. We had to have a little conversation about just because I can be friends with a guy doesn’t mean I can date or marry that person. I used Mr Infatuation as an example:
He is sweet, and kind, and funny, and has tattoos (I love a guy with tattoos), we can have deep meaningful conversations, he gives great hugs, he respects my opinions on things even when we don’t agree.
But then there are the bad things about him: he’s a complete Magoo and for 2 years had no idea that I was massively infatuated with him, he smokes, he has no religious affiliation at all (not even like a holiday goer, I need someone with at least a little bit of religious background), he has a girlfriend already. All these things add up to make him not the right person for me.
Obviously, I want someone kind and smart, with a silly sense of humour, who gets sarcasm (I speak two languages fluently: English and sarcasm), who either has or appreciates tattoos (have I ever told you about the guy who I was perfectly matched with, and him me, and we really really connected and then he found out I have tattoos and he just poof disappeared?!), some sort of religious background (as long as we can both respect each other on that level it’s good).
But then there is that added level of difficulty: I am a self-proclaimed Giggling Fattie! It’s true, I’m not a small girl. I have many guy friends with whom I can form great bonds with, but there is always that added level of them never getting over my size. I find myself falling for them but with no reciprocation. It always takes me back to that girl from high school (who inspired the name of this blog) who said, “she’d be great girlfriend material if she wasn’t so fat.”
Throw in the added bonus of Doris and sometimes I feel like it might never happen for me. But then I kind of sit back and think that could be ok. I’m happy where my life is now, and with my friends and job and situation in life. I don’t need a man to be happy – which is an important lesson that I’ve learned over the years. Happiness needs to come from within, love needs to come from within. I don’t want to sound all cocky and vain – but I love myself. I totally think I’m awesome-sauce. Flawed, yes of course, but awesome-sauce nonetheless.
So whether or not I have a boyfriend by the end of the week, I know that I’m a pretty good person, and I love who I am and who I have struggled to become. I think that’s a big thing that people really need to strive towards. I’m glad I’ve found it.