I told myself I wouldn’t post about work, and I keep breaking that promise. I feel like I should keep a separate private blog for that, but who has the time?! I could write a book, but that’s already been done, marketed, turned into a movie so probably not.
I don’t think I would ever criticise the parents I work for – they seem like great parents and are amazing employers. So I think that makes me posting about work a little better? I’m not sure. I think this week has been the week of meltdowns. Monday saw 4th lock themselves in the parent’s bedroom and miss out on dinner and today was 2nd’s turn.
This week has been the week of meltdowns. Monday saw 4th lock themselves in the parent’s bedroom and miss out on dinner and today was 2nd’s turn.
2nd arrived home from school and slammed the door open, kicked snow boots off with gusto, ran up to their room and slammed the door! 2nd was very upset that McDonalds is no longer a “nut safe” environment, and mom and 3rd are highly allergic to nuts. 2nd told me later on that the outburst was over the fact that they would no longer be able to eat there as a family. That it’s just one more place that they can’t be all together. That is totally understandable that 2nd would be upset.
1st and 2nd had a class today at a local place and were gone with mom when I was to take 3rd and 4th to dinner. Not even half way up the 5 minutes walk, 3rd stops and says they have to go pee. We waste a few minutes with 3rd trying to decide if they wanted to turn back or keep going. We kept going and thankfully made it in time with no accidents.
1st and 2nd were already dropped off at dinner when we arrived. While I was packing up leftovers for school lunches for the next day, dad arrives. He was going to be coming back to the house with all of us. When it was time to leave, he gets in the van to drive back while I was planning on walking with 3rd and 4th. 2nd rushes out to get into the van, and I assumed was successful in getting in. But as I came out and saw 1st standing there, I also saw 2nd….sobbing against the side of the building. Dad wasn’t taking any passengers.
We wasted a loooong time getting 2nd to actually move – and in all honesty, I had to physically move 2nd. We inched along the sidewalk, with the other 3 following and not causing any trouble (thank goodness! I love those kids!). As we crossed the street (a FOUR LANE road) with me pushing 2nd, we all see Dad running up around the corner. He had driven home and then literally ran so he could walk home with his kids. But 2nd wasn’t having it. 2nd didn’t want to walk and that was the end of it.
Like I said before, it’s about a 5-minute walk with the kids (and dog). Well with 2nd barely going 5 steps and then stopping to sob, and almost hyperventilate, it took us about 20 minutes to get home I would say. Dad went ahead with the others and I was left standing on the sidewalk being like “I know you’re angry but we have to go” “I DON’T CARE JUST LEAVE ME HERE!” “Well I care, and I can’t leave you here.” then a few more steps and all over again.
I was able to wrap an arm around 2nd’s waist and push the child along, all the time hoping that I wasn’t pushing or holding too hard, as well as hoping that no one came out of their houses to see what all the fuss was about. Picture this: white women forcibly pushing a child of colour down a sidewalk while the child is resisting with all their might, stopping walking, going limp, and sobbing super hard. Yeah – this is normal, just move along folks.
Once 2nd went limp but since we were in the middle of a puddle decided not to go all the way to the ground. Instead just leant back into me since I was directly behind. And just stood there sobbing. “Can I give you a hug?” *angry noise meaning no* “Can I put up your hood? It’s damp” *angry noise meaning no* “Ok”. And we literally just stood there for like 2 minutes. 2nd zipped up their coat and adjusted their hood a little bit, and I was able to inch it up over their head while waiting for the right moment to force the child to take a few more steps.
We would stop every so often (mostly because it’s exhausting being the adult in this situation) and then I saw a small glimmer of hope. 2nd went to stand in the middle of a snow pile to cry for a little bit, and I managed to get the book 2nd was holding. I have large pockets and I didn’t want the book being ruined when I could just carry it in my pocket. 2nd was exhausted and had stopped crying and was just standing there in silence. I put my arm around 2nd’s shoulders and guided them off the snow bank and started walking. Thankfully there was no more resistance. With one arm around the shoulders, and the other on an arm for guidance we started off again.
After a few houses, the soft crying started again and I would just softly say “I know, I know” and we kept going. Slowly dropping the one arm and just walking beside 2nd with an arm wrapped around their waist.
We arrived back at the house, and 2nd tried to stop us from going in, but there wasn’t much energy left there. 2nd finally got into the house and up to their room, threw the pyjamas I had set out onto the floor, then after about 10 minutes decided it was time for homework. It’s math so I had to help (math is hard for all of us). Asking for help in angry whines and finally….at like 8pm 2nd was smiling and laughing agian. 2nd apologized for making it so difficult for me, and I gladly accepted. I apologized if I had been too rough, 2nd said I wasn’t. And we ended the night on good terms.
It was a rough one, but I think we are in a stronger place because of it. 2nd is a very emotional being and is affected by the smallest changes. Today was just too much for 2nd. (and a little too much for my back….muscle relaxants are in order!)