1984

Fear is a strange thing, isn’t it? Your brain just decides that it can’t deal with one certain thing and then that’s it – you’re basically screwed unless you can figure out how to force your brain to get over it. 

I like to think that I don’t have too many irrational fears. One for sure though is heights. When I moved into the place that I live now, my landlord opened all the vents to make sure it was warm enough down here. He lives with his elderly mother who likes to keep the top half of the house very warm (We’re talking 27 degrees warm! That’s 80 for my American friends). My dad and I went out for dinner that first night and when we came back, I had to close all the vents. It was already WAY. TOO. HOT.

There was a little step ladder that my landlord left down here, just in case I needed to close the vents, which happen to be all on the ceiling, and even just going up one or two steps on that I was freaking out.

Now I want to do lots of crazy daring things still in life like skydiving or bungee jumping. This might be a little bit of a problem since I am scared of heights.

Another fear that I have that I absolutely despise is my fear of winter driving. Like I can’t take it. It all happened because 4 years ago I had a small little spin out. I killed a mailbox but that was really the only damage done. Had to have a small dent fixed on my dad’s car (from the mailbox) and dirt cleaned out of the tires on one side but in the grand scheme of things it was a small little spin out. I know that. I know what I did wrong to cause it to get to that point. But do you think my brain will say “yeah ok, it’s been long enough now we can let it go”? Nopes. Not at all. I still get anxious driving in the winter – which living in Canada is a really horrible thing.

I have other fears, but none that are irrational I think – spiders, a common one. Snakes, small creatures like rats. They could be dangerous and make me sick. It’s a good fear to have I think.

Lately, I have developed a fear of small birds. Not all small birds – just the two that my employers own. I was totally fine with them until the last day of my first week working there. One of the kids was changing the bird’s water after school and I asked if it was ok to hold one. We had a bird when I was growing up and I used to let him sit on my shoulder all the time. I thought I’d be ok.

I was given the “nice” bird. Who sat on my fingers and then climbed up my arm to sit on my shoulder. I was wearing a necklace and apparently she wanted it to be hers. I tried to take her off my shoulder to get her back into the cage but she bit me! THREE TIMES! I was afraid of her going onto Doris and then pulling her off. Then she flew off my shoulder and upstairs. Then the other one followed her. It took us probably 30 minutes to get them back into the cage. It was traumatizing. So now I am afraid of those two birds.

I’m not sure I fear anything as much as Winston or Julia in 1984. Major freakage was happening with the rats. I’m sure that is a normal human reaction to such a thing – don’t ya think? Although, in one of the books I mentioned yesterday (Children of Cain), the author Tina Rosenburg does talk about one South American government putting rats up into women’s lady bits to torture them – that increased my dislike of rats quite a bit. I didn’t really need to know that was possible…

January 9 1984 You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.

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16 thoughts on “1984

    • Me too!! There was one in my bathroom when I returned from my holidays, and I thought “ooo maybe it’s just dead” because every time I went in, it didn’t move! And then over night it moved….so when I realized this, I just vacuumed it up. I’m not playing games and trying to squish it haha I have a central-vac with a super long hose and extendable handle. That spider had no chances haha

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