Yes, you read that correctly! I said I would do it, and I did it. I watched A Very Potter Musical and now I am here to share my thoughts with you all. If you have not yet watched it, and want to be surprised, please stop reading right now. There will be spoilers.
First of all, let me say that this was one of the most colossal wastes of my time I have ever encountered. And I loved every single minute of it! 166 minutes to be exact. This thing was almost 3 hours long and all I can say is WOW. It felt like I should have been sitting with Lorelai from Gilmore Girls with a large bowl of popcorn mocking it the whole time – that’s how horribly good it was.
It starts off with Harry (Darren Criss) waiting to go to his second year at Hogwarts. He is soon joined by his two best friends and off they go.
Then of course there is Draco, who is played by a woman in a wig:
And he spends the whole play saying that next year he will be transferring to Pigfarts: a magical school on Mars. But he needs to get a spaceship first, and is hopelessly in love with Hermione.
The only teachers you see are Snape, who takes points from Gryffindor every single chance he gets
Dumbledore is there as well:
In addition to Prof. Quirrel and Voldemort:
Ok so the premise of the play: Squish all the books into 3 hours. Easy peasy lemon (sherbet) squeazy.
It’s Harry’s second year at Hogwarts and there is a House Cup tournament – the same as the Tri-Wizard Tournament in book 5 but it’s a battle between the houses. Cho is a tall white southern bell, Cedric is oblivious, Draco rolls over everything as he is talking, and Voldemort tap dances when he gets his legs. Yes, folks that is right! HE TAP DANCES. And one of the Voldemort’s horcruxes was a Zefron poster (Zac Efron)
He also never wears a shirt once he gets separated from Quirrel, which in all fairness is fine by me because that boy was ripped (read in a sing-song voice that I now use to accent everything since I have started teaching online English).
Although I do have to admit, no one plays Voldemort like Ralph plays Voldemort *insert girlish sigh of infatuation here while I daydream about our lives together*
I really do have to say that this was such a waste of an afternoon. I have no idea how it even came to be or why people would pay to see it. They did such a great job though! Like they knew it was going to come out stupid and it really did. AUH-MAZING. Over the next few days I will be watching: A Very Potter Sequal, and A Very Potter Senior Year. Good Lord give me strength! I am so glad that I don’t have a full time job right now so I can waste my life on this.
If you want to learn more reasons why you need to be watching this musical, Buzzfeed has an article (of course they do) listing 19 reasons why it’s fantastic. And also these pictures: