Shared Posts

I have a friend on Facebook who posts things that I actually want to read. She posts articles and videos that are important to the world, and important to me.  Today she posted three such posts. 

The first was a link to another Facebook page The Artidote. Click the pink words and you can be taken to it directly. But I have copied the text in full. I started to read the comments and just ended up shaking my head so I had to stop. But here is what was posted:

“When I was a freshman, my sister was in eighth grade. There was a boy in two of her periods who would ask her out every single day. (Third and seventh period, if I remember correctly.) All day during third and seventh she would repeatedly tell him no. She didn’t beat around the bush, she didn’t lie and say she was taken–she just said no.
One day, in third period, after being rejected several times, he said; “I have a gun in my locker. If you don’t say yes, I am going to shoot you in seventh.”
She refused again, but right after class she went to the principal’s office and told them what happened. They searched his locker and there was a gun in his backpack.
When he was arrested, some of my sister’s friends (some female, even) told her that she was selfish for saying no so many times. That because of her, the entire school was in jeopardy. That it wouldn’t have killed her to say yes and give it a try, but because she was so mean to him, he lost his temper. Many of her male friends said it was ‘girls like her’ that made all women seem like cock-teases.
Wouldn’t have killed her to say yes? If a man is willing to shoot someone for saying no, what happens to the poor soul who says yes? What happens the first time they disagree? What happens the first time she says she doesn’t want to have sex? That she isn’t in the mood? When they break up?
Years later, when I was a senior, I was the only girl in my Criminal Justice class. The teacher, who used to be a sergeant in the police force, told us a story of something that had happened to a girl he knew when she was in high school. There was a guy who obviously had a crush on her and he made her uncomfortable. One day he finally gathered up the courage to ask her out, and she said no.
The next day, during an assembly, he pulled a gun on her in front of everyone and threatened to kill her if she didn’t date him.
He was tackled to the ground and the gun was taken from him.
When my teacher asked the class who was at fault for the crime, I was the only person who said the boy was. All the other kids in the class (who were all boys) said that the girl was, that if she had said yes he would’ve never lost it and brought a gun and tried to kill her. When my teacher said that they were wrong and that this is what is wrong with society, that whenever a white boy commits a crime it’s someone else’s fault (music, television, video games, the victim) one boy raised his hand and literally said; ‘But if someone were to punch me and I punched him back, who is at fault for the fight? He is, not me. It’s self-defence. She started it, so anything that happens to her is in reaction to her actions .It’s simple cause and effect.’
Even though he spent the rest of the class period ripping into the boys and saying that you are always responsible for your own actions, and that women are allowed to say no and do not have to date them, they left class laughing about how idiotic he was and that he clearly had no idea how much it hurt to be rejected.
This isn’t something that’s rare. This isn’t something that never happens, or that a select group of men feel as if they are so entitled to women that saying no is not only the worst possible thing a woman can do, but is considered a form of “defence” when they commit a crime upon them (whether it be rape or murder-as-a-reaction-towards-rejection).
Girls are being killed for saying no to prom invites. Girls are being killed for saying no to men. They are creating an atmosphere where women are too scared to say no, and the worst part is? They are doing it intentionally. They want society to be that way, they want women to say yes entirely out of fear. Even the boys and men who aren’t showing up to schools with guns are saying; ‘Well, you know, I wouldn’t do that, but you have to admit that if she had just said yes…’
If you are a man and you defend this guys’ actions or try to find an excuse for it, or you denounce what really happened, or in any way lay blame on women, every girl you know, every woman you love, has just now thought to themselves that you might lose your shit and kill them someday for saying no. You have just lost their trust. And you know what? You deserve to lose it.” —vampmissedith

She also linked this picture:

And this one as well:

Definitely heavier topics than I am used to reading at 8am, but important ones nonetheless. I think it’s important to share these around, instead of the heated war on my wall right now about what is more “ridiculous” teenagers driving drunk even though they are “so informed” or teenagers accidentally getting pregnant even though they are “so informed” ….

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8 thoughts on “Shared Posts

  1. I have so much trouble reading things like this because I have a daughter. If shit like this happened when I was a younger girl, I didn’t know about it. Nowadays, though, I hear things like this all the time. It makes me want to keep my daughter (and hell, my son, too) by my side forever. And ever.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah absolutely! but I also like reading it, because it starts a dialogue about it, and how to better raise young men to realize that women are allowed to say no to them, allowed to choose which men they go out with and which ones they don’t. Just the same that men have the choice on which women they go out with. I like how things are starting to get more open about the issue. That gives me a little hope 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is totally random, but I feel like the first story is fabricated a little. I 100% agree with the point/purpose of the article. But… EVERY guy in her Criminal Justice class said it was the girl’s fault for saying no? When I think of college classes, I think of 50+ people. Common sense says: it’s the whacko who brought a gun that’s at fault. 50 people have no common sense, and the girl was the only one?!!! If that’s true then humanity is officially lost. I hope it’s not. Scary.

    I do like the point of the article though. It’s scary, isn’t it? A woman can’t just say NO? What is this world coming to? The other two posts were eye-opening as well. Especially the ‘vanity’ one. I NEVER thought about it like that before.

    The third post is a reason I despise watching the news. I can’t stand such hateful crap. It makes me sick.

    Sorry, I’m in a rambling mood this morning haha. That ended up being a novel.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rambling is ok! 🙂 You make really good points! I didn’t even stop to think about the class size or anything like that, I was more taken with the article. So thank you for bringing that up 🙂 I like when other people see things I don’t!

      I never really thought about the 2nd one either, and the 3rd, I agree 100%. I was checking twitter last night at work and there was another post of a man shot in the states (not the New Jersey bomber but another guy) and was killed by police. *sigh*

      And you can write novels on my posts anytime 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. LOVE the second one!!! I also had a hard time believing the first one but that might be because I’m surrounded by so many strong and powerful women that I just can’t buy in to such B.S. about them. Thanks for a new FB page to follow!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I find the overall premise of the first one to be true, how women are told “just say yes, there’s no harm in going out with him” type thing, and I have been in conversations where the woman gets blamed for the man’s actions “if she had just said yes, he wouldn’t have follower her home every day” type conversations. So I can support the overall message of it, even if the facts in it are skewed for effect. And no problem about the FB page! ! I was going to follow the page too but I’m trying to scale back my social media in the hopes of deleting some accounts soon. Facebook would probably be the first to go lol

      Like

      • Getting serious for a moment (although I try to avoid it, sometimes it’s necessary) I’ve spent all this time trying to raise my kids to be polite and caring people and now that I have a gorgeous daughter in highschool I’m finding I have to back track and teach advocacy! What a terrible shame, that empathy, and caring and manners can sometimes easily translate into getting walked all over and coerced into situations that make you uncomfortable because you are trying to avoid making someone else uncomfortable. Seriously, parenting is hard stuff! Heck, who am I kidding, adulting is hard stuff (says the girl who routinely get’s suckered into helping someone else, even when I’m too busy to help myself)

        Liked by 1 person

        • Trust me, from a teacher’s stand point, it’s parents like you who take the time to raise polite and caring children that make all the difference in the world. I know I’ve been on the receiving end of the “why didn’t you just say yes?” conversation. I was raised by a great set of parents who instilled manners and caring into me as well, and sometimes that does translate into being taken advantage of. But they also taught me to stand up for myself – in a respectful way. That helped a lot too 🙂 With supportive parents and a loving home, children (and especially girls) will make it out ok. They’ll know their value and what they are comfortable with, and when to stand up and say no. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

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