Things not to say to single women

It seems like my computer knows exactly what I’m thinking and feeling. Yesterday, after making my post about weddings, there was a Facebook post in my feed called 9 Things Single Women Want Their Married Friends To understand. Now I can’t remember if it was just there, or if one of my friends liked it so it showed up. Either way it was there, and I read it, agreed wholeheartedly with it, and now I’m going to share it with you.

The article was written by Ann Brenoff and can be found on Huff/Post 50 by clicking here. In case you don’t want to go to the effort of reading the whole thing, let me just break Brenoff’s points down for you:

  1. when are you getting married already?
  2. speaking of kids – “oh what a shame you never had any”
  3. think of all the sex you’re missing out on
  4. you don’t want to grow old alone, now do you?
  5. aren’t you lonely?
  6. I can fix you up
  7. you are just to smart for all the men out there
  8.  I didn’t invite you because you would have felt like a third wheel
  9. I know you’re only just kidding yourself when you say you’re happy.

I agree with all of these statements! And would like to add (for all those fatties out there) Don’t worry, you have an amazing personality! You just haven’t found the one yet. 

It is a tad bit ridiculous that women are expected to be married to be happy. I am perfectly happy in my life right now without being married. I actually kind of think that I wouldn’t have my life if I was married, and I probably wouldn’t have had as many great experiences if I had married when society (and my mother) expected me to (before I turned 25).

I remember when I graduated from my undergrad, and I bought a class ring. I was so proud of myself for actually graduating, because for a little bit there it didn’t look like I would have made it. Not only did I come back from academic probation, but I also was able to keep my “honors” designation and my double major! I was proud!! So I bought a class ring, and it was expensive, around $500. I was wearing it to church one day, and a girl there (who got married a week after she turned 20) said “for that much money why wouldn’t you just buy an engagement ring?!” I rolled my eyes, and kind of looked at her like she was stupid and replied “because I’m not engaged?”

Since it’s 2016, I think it’s time to let go of what seems to be one of the last threads connecting us to past expectations of women. Women can have careers and children, college/university isn’t just for finding a husband anymore but for education, women and men both have the choice to stay home and be the primary caregiver to their children, women run companies and start enterprises and are taken seriously in the professional world. Yet there is still this notion that in order to be truly happy, a woman has to be married. It’s time to move past that. And once someone figures out a way to make that transition easy, let me know so I can pass it along to my parents 😉

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6 thoughts on “Things not to say to single women

  1. I am not married and I am 35. My beau has already told me he does not want to get married, but still wants to be with me. It stings a little, but to think of it, I am not sure about it. I have a way of going about it like this–if there is not a almost one hundred percent chance it will last till we are gone, why do it? I don’t want to try it just for it to not work. Marriage doesn’t mean the only way to love someone. I want a positive, (un) codependent, loving, honest, giving, trusting relationship. In order to have that, I know I still have work to do. I still have to learn to love myself before I am able to fully love another, in a healthy way. It is a daily process. And it is hard. Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thats a great attitude! Alhough i dont know if you can ever be 100% sure it will work out. I hope that things work out for the besr between you and your beau 🙂 it sounds like you two are open and honest with each other which is the most important thing

      Liked by 2 people

      • I don’t want to sound like I am blaming my parents for my outlook and trepidation about marriage, but…they were married for almost 35 years. They did horrible things to each other. I would pray for them to divorce. Both of them were so codependent on each other, and my dad had an addiction problem to boot. My mother may have had a sexual addiction problem now that I think about things she did. My 2 younger siblings were the result of an affair my mom had. And my dad still stayed with her, took her back, physically, emotionally abused her. They would break up and back together. It was emotionally draining and didn’t nothing to teach us the values of a solid marriage. Maybe that’s one reason why I am not married. It scares me bc I want a marriage to be perfect, the opposite of my parents. I don’t think perfection is attainable. So I would rather not do it. Idk…maybe a small bit wants marriage. But overall, it scares the hell out of me.

        Liked by 2 people

        • I think our views on things like marriage are a direct result of witnessing the example set out by our parents. My parents didn’t have the perfect marriage by any standard but they worked hard at it and stuck with it. When I was in high school, they basically didn’t talk to each other for a whole year. But they went to couples therapy and stuff and worked it out. I kind of see why their marriage is a struggle – my mom over reacts to things and my dad sometimes just keeps information to himself which makes my mom feel like she’s being shut out and thus has a temper tantrum. I don’t think either really learned from their parents how to have good solid communication. But I learned from them what not to do. I’m kind of in the same boat though, that I see how their marriage turned out and now I’m hesitant to enter into a marriage myself because I don’t want to have the stressful experience they had. I think that I might never get married, but a small part wants it too 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for posting this! If I had a dollar for every time I heard one (or all!) of these sayings, I wouldn’t have to worry about my school tuition 🙂 As far as what I’ve seen from those that I know that are married….nope – it’s not for me. It just looks like it’s more trouble than its worth (no offense to those that are married-just my opinion). Maybe one day I’ll be more open to the idea of marriage, but in the meantime I would like for folks to accept that that day is not today. And to stop trying to make me feel bad about my choice to not get married.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes to all of this! I feel the exact same way. Like there is that part of me deep deep inside that wants to be married. It wants the fairytale. But I also know my temper and what I’ve inherited from my parents. Like I have nothing against marriage, just don’t think it would make me happy right now.

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