My heart is a problem


Image result for the awkward yeti heart

via the awkward yeti


This picture perfectly reflects my heart when I moved away from Canada. I was completely infatuated with a friend of mine. I thought we were super close, and real friends. He would take time out of his day to just stand and talk with me at work for like 20 minutes (remember I was a supervisor so I was able to slack delegate jobs to other people). The first time I saw him my heart took a little flutter. He was best friends with a co-worker’s husband so he was around a lot. Then they had a falling out and he was still around a lot, just talking to me. Every time he got coffee, he wouldn’t even take the cup unless there was at least one heart drawn on it – once being so bold as to go through the drive-thru, see that I was working store front, get his coffee, park his car, come to the counter and say “um there’s no love on this cup”. Thus prompting me to train all the girls working drive-thru that if they saw him, to draw a heart on his cup. For halloween I dressed up and he left his friends he came in with, walked over to me just to tell me I looked really nice, smiled, and then walked away again. I literally could go on for at least 3000 words with stories about him. But I wont. It will just make me all sappy and you probably want to throw up.

When I moved, he had started dating this girl. They had been “facebook official” for about a month by that point. But I had quit working at Tim’s 3 months earlier, and since I quit not a word from him! We never had to text or send messages (which he never really replied to anyways) before because we saw each other literally 5 days every week. But after I quit, nothing. What I thought was an actual friendship just slipped away as if it never existed. When I moved, I was glad since I wouldn’t be sad thinking he was a 5 minute walk from my house anymore.

I honestly haven’t thought about him in about 3 months. I can’t even remember the last time I did! I know I sent him a Christmas message (which he didn’t reply to) but that’s about it. It’s a great feeling!! Although the realization came after he posted a gorgeous picture of himself on facebook. He usually doesn’t post but he changed his profile picture. And as soon as I saw his face, it’s like my heart was right back in that boxing ring. I hate that! GAH! This is one thing that I hate about being a girl – like seriously. If he was interested, then out of the two years we were living in the same town and actually knew each other, something would have happened. But no it didn’t. My brain has accepted that. If we were actually friends, it wouldn’t have been SEVEN months without so much as a word from him! Ok, so he did make a tiny effort my last week in town. I was having coffee with a friend at Tim’s and we saw him pull into the drive through. We both text him and he came inside to chat for a few minutes. That’s when we found out he had a girlfriend. Then he gave me a hug and he went off to work. But even then – like if we hadn’t seen him I would have left without saying goodbye.

Why can my brain accept it but my heart can’t? Cos she’s evil that’s why! And today I’m angry at her….

10 thoughts on “My heart is a problem

  1. I’ve been infatuated with 2 guys that turned out to be gay. I mean, once they came out that was it. And looking back it should have been obvious. But the heart is a bitch and doesn’t care lol. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh, those heart pains! Sigh…I think that’s the worst though – when you think that you’ve moved on – something sparks a memory and your hearts a burning bright for that love again. Which stinks cause you know it’s one sided – ugh! A pint of Ben&Jerry’s (Cherry Garcia) with at least 2 RomCom movies usually gets me through it 🙂 How ya feeling about it these days? Better I hope 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I thought it had too, but being home always kind of opens it again. He’s just that guy who pops up from time to time and makes me go “aww you’re so pretty! we could have been great together” and then I forget and move on for a little bit more lol

      Liked by 1 person

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