Um Ex-squeeze you?

Drawing a Blank

When was the last time your walked away from a discussion, only to think of The Perfect Comeback hours later? Recreate the scene for us, and use your winning line.

Now I know it comes as a shock to all ya’ll, that a sweet, innocent angel like me would ever get into such a discussion that requires any sort of comeback

but sadly it’s true. It does happen from time to time. Mostly because when someone makes me angry, my eyes flash fire and my Scottish anger comes right to the surface. Thankfully, after 28 years of living with my mom, I understand how not to antagonize an argument (using the right words, not raising my voice/yelling etc). I rarely have thoughts of comebacks after an argument though. If it’s gotten to a place where we are arguing, I’m pretty much just going to lay it all out for ya right there. By the end, you feel bad, I feel bad – everyone around us feels bad and it takes at least a solid week until we are speaking again. Thankfully this only happens like once every 2ish years in my life, and in the last 10 years every fight like that has basically involved my mom.

Professionally there have been a few times where I’ve had to hold my tongue though. Even if working at Tim Horton’s was the 7th circle of hell, where my managers were dementors from Harry Potter sucking all happiness out of the air around them making you feel as if you’d never be happy again, it was still a job that I needed in order to keep my car, which I needed to keep teaching. In some of those conversations I’d have to hold my tongue, smile and nod through clenched teeth and just walk away. It’s not really a come back, but I’d replay the conversation in my head the way that I’d wished it had gone. Which in my mind, I usually ended up fired. I would have fired someone if they talked to me like that!

Like the one time I wrote a letter to management telling them one of my team members had threatened me after I asked her to perform a cleaning job. Her grandfather is best friends with the store owners so she thought she was exempt from such a task. I found out the next day, she was only written up and given a verbal warning for refusing to clean, not for actually threatening me – she was quitting and moving to another store in a month so I guess it wasn’t worth the manager’s time to deal with it? but ya know, guess that’s how life goes?

Or the other time, when I overheard a conversation between the owner and an assistant manager. Her mother had just died, she was distraught, and the owner decided to tell her this was a perfect time to sell her home and move into town so she could “be available to the store more now”…..just kept on walking past the door…..

Conversations like that in my head always go the same way. I get all huffed up and yelling, and then ghetto T comes out. Oooo does she ever come out! I started waving my hands and bobbing my head back and forth. One knee/hip popped out to the side, hand movements – it’s bad ya’ll!

So just as a physical representation, check out Dane Cook. Found this video on youtube, the explanation starts at 1:18. And it’s exactly what I do – start agreeing, the body language. Everything! Except I don’t walk away haha. Ps: sorry for the swears in advance!

Side note: when I was younger, I used to LOVE Dane Cook. Now I find him a little bit too vulgar for my tastes (sweet and innocent remember?).

Just for a little giggle though, here’s my favourite skit of his, again from youtube called Black Betty

7 thoughts on “Um Ex-squeeze you?

  1. I’m actually crap at confrontation and usually end up in tears. My comebacks are usually said in jokey way. One I was rather proud of was with my eldest son. I’m rubbish at cooking – it’s a well known fact that jeff didn’t marry me for my abilities in the kitchen. I had cooked the turkey one Christmas which was a big deal for me as usually my eldest cooks it. It was cooked to within an inch of cinder, I was worried of killing us all with salmonella poisoning. It was so dry. My son prodded my turkey critically and said “are you not familiar with a turkey baster Mom” I looked at him and replied “of course I am – it’s how you were conceived” 😜

    Liked by 1 person

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