I guess since its January 1st, I should do some sort of obligatory “year-end wrap up” post. One where I tell you all the things I’m going to change next year, and how awesome this past year was.
But since we are friends here, I have a confession. This year, I legitimately forgot about New Years. I’m on holiday from work right now, and just chilling in my apartment most of the time, but I’ve planned a few day trips. Inexpensive ones, just to fill in the time really. I haven’t had a pay check since August 18th, so I haven’t been planning much. Apparently that means not even recognizing that it was New Year’s Eve! I was sitting in the coffee shop checking Facebook, and someone posted about their plans for New Year’s Eve and I glance down at the date on my computer and what do ya know – it was New Year’s Eve!
I don’t think I’ve ever completely forgotten about New Year’s before, but I tend not to celebrate it. I think the last New Year’s Eve party I went to, I was 22? Goodness that was SIX YEARS AGO! I just don’t really see the appeal in it all – getting all dressed up, going to a party or a club to see all your friends get wasted and take home that random guy who inevitably becomes their first mistake of the new year. I don’t drink so it’s not my thing. I’m honestly more of a “order pizza, watch a movie, and be in bed by 10” type of girl 😉 and trust me, this year I was in my pj’s by 8:30 pm haha.
In not celebrating, I also don’t really make resolutions. Like I get the idea and how it’s a new year and that it should be a clean slate, but I like to make resolutions more around my birthday. That’s when a new year starts for me. I think any resolutions made at New Years are doomed to fail. We put too much pressure on ourselves. I generally make the exact same resolution just to avoid the lectures:
This year I will be a better, happier me!
How can you go wrong with that? Pretty much as long as I don’t gain any more than 5 pounds, get fired or arrested, I’m going to succeed with that resolution.
This year I really do have a few things I want to work on though. Firstly, I want to be a healthier me. It has nothing to do with weight gain or loss, but I want to be a healthier person. I want to eat better (less pop and chips), sleep better, exercise a little bit, be more positive, complain less, and limit my negative energy and thoughts. Just in general “be a better me”.
I want to be more present. Like really be present in the moment and in situations. Like my subway story from yesterday’s post – just taking out my headphones and having a conversation with someone was being more present in that situation.
I want to be less passive – I’m not even sure if that’s the right word for it, but let me try to illustrate with this little story: when I was at the palace Christmas day, I was in the market and I saw this cute little journal. It had all blank pages, no lines, perfect for poetry and drawing. I’m trying to watch my money right now and I didn’t buy it. So I’ve wanted one just like it ever since. I go to a dollar store type thing and find the cutest hard cover journal but it’s in a plastic cover. I sneakily open it in the store, pull the book out and check the pages – they were lined. In the process, I ripped the packaging. I put it back and kept looking at other books but all had lines on the pages. I ended up buying the one that I ripped the plastic because I felt bad that I had ripped it, and figured I might as well get it instead of waiting for what I really wanted. So now I have a lined journal and it doesn’t work for what I wanted, and will end up buying the right one as soon as I find it.
I really want to fix things with my parents – especially my mom. I can’t really tell how broken things are, but I can tell my mom is giving me the almost silent treatment (bare minimum in replies to emails, which isn’t like her AT ALL). And while part of me is kind of ok with that (no emails telling me how I’m running away from life, and she hopes I “find whatever I’m looking for”), the majority of my soul isn’t ok with it. I’d rather have her pissing me off than ignoring me. But I want to have a relationship with her where I’m not on eggshells around her. I know my dad will come around in time, he’s just hurt that I left and didn’t want gifts for Christmas. But my mom takes everything so personally and never lets anything go – since obviously the entire world is specifically attacking her. I want to stop feeling so resentful towards her.
I want 2016 to be better than 2015. I hated my jobs, I lost my passion for teaching, I let an amazing guy who I really connected with pass me by, and I just felt lost in life in general. I want to find a purpose again. I want to be stable and at peace in my mind and in my life.
As for my blog: I want to keep posting. I want to hit my one year mark (August 28th) and still keep going strong! I’d love to get to 100 followers! Right now I am at a very amazing 46! When I started my blog I really had no idea anyone would ever read it and now here you all are! And I even had one of my favourite actors from one of my favourite tv shows READ AND COMMENT ON MY BLOG!! Like WHOA just so much more than I could have asked for. Please accept my gratitude for your part in my happiness! I sincerely love you all from the very bottom of my icy cold, snow filled Canadian heart.
If you have made it all the way to the bottom of this long post, congratulations you are not hung-over! HAHA!! In all seriousness though, you rock my world!
Happy New Years!!!