I’ve always wanted to be lots of things. Anything ranging from a princess, ballerina, figure skater, teacher, lawyer, social activist, teacher, actress, singer, journalist, photographer, editor. I’m good at lots of things, which means I just have to find something that makes me happy. I am a firm believer that just being good at something doesn’t make it right for you – you need to find something that lights a spark in your soul, something that feeds your soul. Just because I’m good at being a supervisor at Tim Hortons, does not mean I want to be a supervisor at Tim Hortons.

Right now, there are two things that make me happy: one is being a teacher. I’m not sure if I want to be a hogwan teacher for the rest of my life, it does seem a little unstable to commit to it long term, but I want to teach. I love teaching, and I love kids.

The other thing that fulfills a passion in my soul is writing. That’s partly why I started this blog – I wanted a place to write. And now that I am interacting with other people in the blogsphere, and those people are showing appreciation for my voice (thanks ya’ll!!) I am even more passionate about it. I love how the words just seem to flow out of me and I can’t stop them sometimes.

I’ve started writing a few things. I have one completed children’s story I wrote this past summer about a girl with alopecia. I wrote it after I got the definitive word from my doctor that what is wreaking havoc on my hair is alopecia. The story came to me one night at like 2 in the morning so I wrote it down. I bought a groupon for this online writing course. It’s for children’s writing and the groupon gave me lifetime access to the modules. I signed up back in the summer but haven’t even started the first module.

There have been a few other drafts of novels. But nothing that I could stick with. I have 8 pages invested in one, and 11 in another (more of an autobiography which led to the idea for my blog name). Both are less than 5000 words, and both I haven’t touched in months. I think I’ve worked on both for maybe 2-3 sessions and then just stopped. I re-read them this weekend and I actually like them! Especially the one about my life. It’s this look into my “love life”, the first chapter is a more detailed account of my first love. You can read a little bit of that story here.

Then this weekend I had an idea. The story that I started which is 8 pages long, I had this connection in my mind for the two main characters, but I started at the beginning of the story and tried to sketch out believable characters before getting to that interaction. On Saturday, I took that interaction and decided to start something new with it. But instead of starting at the beginning, I started at the moment that has been playing in my head for around two years.

I sat down and in about an hour I had almost 3 pages. The dialogue is basic, but something I could believe two people would actually say to each other (dialogue is my downfall). Then I went to the top and started writing more, what happened in the scene right before. I was inspired and it is actually flowing together. I was finally at peace over the idea. Now my brain is alive with new ideas for what happens before and what happens after. I can see it all play out, as if it were a movie I’ve seen a thousand times. But saying that, it actually could stand on its own just as it is right now.

I was re-reading it right before writing this (which in all honesty, it’s Saturday night folks! Even though this is going to be posted Monday morning). And I actually was physically blushing at the interaction between the two characters. I had written the words but as it continued on, my mind was drawn into it as if it was the first time I was reading it. I love that feeling! That new book, new story, butterflies in my tummy feeling! THAT is what I want to write! Yet anyone who knows me personally would probably be shocked to read what I wrote – it totally doesn’t fit into my “gosh darn it, no swears, ok honey bunny, you deserve a gold star” world. I literally say all of those things….to adults…..all the time….

So now my goal is to continue on with it. I’m at 5 pages and just under 3000 words. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to flesh it out into anything more than what it already is, but I think I have to at least try. And I can write a 1000 words for a blog post in 30 minutes lately. Heck, what else am I going to do in this apartment all winter? It seems like it’s going to be a little bit until I have internet in my place, which is fine. If I had internet right now, while I could be posting this instantly on my blog, I would also be streaming tv shows and movies and not have as much time for my writing as I do now.

The only thing right now is that my characters don’t have any names – but I kind of like it that way. I know who they are based off of, but if I name them, I kind of feel like they become that person and are shoved into this box of who my mind already associates them with. Right now they are just “she” and “he”. Maybe I could swing it without naming them at all? What do you think? I know I have a few published writers who have stopped by on my blog, so if you are one of them, or if you just have an opinion, let me know. I value all opinions – unless they are mean. Say it nicely, or don’t say it at all!

I do know that I probably won’t be posting any part of it for a while, even though I would LOVE the feedback! While writing this blog is more personal in nature, I find that I can’t share a fictional story until it is finished, sometimes not at all. Is that strange? Maybe it’s because it follows a fantasy in my mind which can be embarrassing at times. My lift is actually happening, so I have no problem sharing it. But when it’s just an idea that I have in my head, I see that more as a fantasy that maybe no one else will understand. When I am ready for some feedback, I may reach out to someone to edit some pages – ps: if you’re interested in that job lemme know!

6 thoughts on “Passions

  1. I’ve been at the point where I start stories that I love and along the way I somehow lose the fuel to the fire. Even though the stories are good, I don’t have anything to keep them going. It’s almost as if my mind was the designated driver in our ‘Party night’ but decided to bail, so now I’m stuck here drunk and stupid with an unfinished story in my hand. Moral of the story…the mind is sometimes a douche canoe.

    Liked by 2 people

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