Choice

Another day, another post for Writing 101. Reflecting on life choices

Lately, my life has been full of big choices. Everyday has choices of course, should I wear this shirt with these pants, but over the last two months I have been making BIG choices.

My first big choice came in September. I had quit my non-teaching related job almost a month earlier (Tim Hortons in my small town) and decided to focus on my teaching career. I had a few interviews for non-teaching jobs but still in the education field. Then, around the second week of September I had an interview in Kitchener with Rogers. It was a step away from teaching, but at that point I had made the decision to move away from education in Ontario, and in Canada. This choice was a hard one to make. I had spent thousands of dollars educating myself to be a teacher, and even more after graduation in obtaining my place in the College of Teachers and improving myself through professional development courses. I had spent time and money, emotions and my mental health on a profession that, 2 years after graduation I was loathing from my core. I made the choice to walk away. That was hard for me. I loved (still love) teaching! Yet the system here was destroying everything within me.

So I had my interview with Rogers. A close friend works there, I wanted to move back to Kitchener to be closer my life long friends, my old church community, and just familiar surroundings. My interview went great, I spent the rest of the day visiting shops and friends. On the drive home, I was about 45 minutes into my hour and half drive, on some back country road, in the dark, and I just started crying in my car. As I drove along, it became very clear to me that working at Rogers was not the best choice for me. I knew in that moment that I had to go back to Korea and try it again. I knew that I had health problems the first time, and the fear of that returning has kept me on Canadian soil for the last 2 years. I knew that my parents would be upset, my mom taking it as “running away from” her and life, my friends disappointed that I would be once again a 26 hour flights/layovers away, but it was what I had to do.

In that moment, it was like there was no choice left. I had been praying and soul searching for answers for so long, yet avoided what came to me with excuse after excuse. This has been a common theme over the last month in my blog, and I’m sure it will resurface a few more times before I am settled in my new life. Once I made the choice to leave, everything fell into place. My overall mental health and daily mood has improved, I find that my heart is at peace. I know that it is a good choice for me. And over the next three weeks, I have to make sure I am making the choice not to engage my mom in her passive-aggressive attempts to make me stay – this I find will be the hardest reoccurring choice I will ever have to make. I know it comes from a place of love on her side, not wanting me to be so far away and in a place where she is convinced I will be in harm’s way. Yet from the place of love in her heart, out her lips and to my ears, it turns into a guilt and disapproval – both making it harder to choose not to reply.

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4 thoughts on “Choice

  1. You have to do what’s best for you, regardless of what your parents think. I’ve been through that several times with several different decisions. What it comes down to is that it’s your life, and while you will miss your parents and your friends, it’s what’s best for you and what you truly want. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I related to your post so much. Between professional school, studying for licensing exams in 2 different states, volunteering in the field, and doing continuing education courses- I spent 5 years trying to make a career. It just never worked out for me, and I had to walk away from it all a year ago. I got by on a retail job but also recently quit that because I knew there wasn’t a future there either.

    That’s great you’re pursuing what makes you happy, even if it isn’t easy for your loved ones to fully accept. Some people never find the courage to do so. Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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