Bam – that caught your attention! Don’t worry – this post is totally 75% SFW
If you were brave enough to make it through my last 5 posts on dating, and especially the last one (sorry it was so long), you’ll have come across a tiny little tidbit that I let slip: I am a virgin! Waiting for a moment for your head to explode and get back into working order….. yes that’s right, I am a virgin.
There are several reasons why, some may seem silly to you. Most importantly, I am a Christian. I have been raised to believe that sex is something to be saved for marriage. To cherish that part of you, and the fact that you can only have your first time once. This has been something that has been ingrained in me since I was a wee little girl. And up to a certain point in my life, the thought of taking a relationship into the bedroom never even crossed my mind. I want to get something out right now: I am PROUD to still be a virgin.
Now hold up! Didn’t I saw that I was 28?! WHOA! I know it seems insane. But I am also one who doesn’t blindly follow what I have been told. I am personally offended at how the church (at least the churches I have attended) treats sex as this taboo subject – making it sound dirty and crass. It puts the idea that, in having sex, you are almost defiling your body. I think that needs to change. I read a blog entry once where the woman was saying how she waited for marriage to have sex, like she was taught, as did her husband. But once they were married, she felt dirty and like she was sinning by having that sexual relationship with her husband. How everyone now assumed they were having sex and viewed her differently. She eventually went to therapy over it, and then wrote the blog I was reading. It was such an eye opener. She said that she sometimes regrets waiting, and that she had no concept of anything sexual until marriage and that was part of the problem. This leads to guilt and shame, and also to getting married WAY TOO SOON just because you want to have sex with a person.
I think it’s important for people to know their bodies and know how they work and respond to sexual impulses. Some of that will come from actual sex, but some will also come from masturbating and other forms of inducing pleasure. I think the way that the youth in our churches are being traumatized into thinking that any sexual thought or act is some horrendous grievance is detrimental to them – just as that woman wrote in her blog. It is natural to explore your bodies, and it’s natural to have sexual feelings and fantasies. The church needs to acknowledge that and educate their flock – not just condemn everything. While teaching summer camp one year, a fellow leader was talking about her 10 year old son who could not understand how a woman could have a baby without being married. In his 10 year old mind, it was physically impossible for a woman to get pregnant without being married – almost like the act of a wedding was the life event that caused women to release their eggs and be able to carry children. Can you imagine if he continued to believe that growing up!? It’s natural to want to protect children from “the ways of the world” but they need to at least be educated to the point of basic human interaction.
After all of my relationships, I have become quite good at releasing this information to men. The farmer that I was talking about in my most recent post, he knew up front. We were both Christians and we both were on the same page. Some of the guys I’m involved with don’t get it. I can tell early on if it is going to be a problem or if the guy is genuinely interested in having a non-sexual relationship – those are the ones I take interest in. I also use the information sometimes in a wrong way. If I’m starting to get to know a guy and I’m not interested but he just won’t let go, I drop that bomb shell of information on his lap and just walk away from it. It usually works – unless you are that guy who after 2 days had named our children…..
After all of my experience, background, and contemplation I have finally come up with a reason for myself why I am a virgin. Here it is: I am a virgin at 28 because I believe that sex is something that should be shared with someone you truly love. God made it as a way to further connect with that person, in a way few others will be able to understand. At this point in my life, I personally want only one sexual partner in my life, and I don’t mind waiting for him. I can’t say that I will wait for marriage, but I will wait. I have no shame in that choice.